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  1. #1
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    Default Those that had/have gender disappointment

    For those that have had/have gender disappointment, how did you cope when TTC subsequent babies?

    We have 3 boys between us, Mine are 2 and 4 and his is 4. We have just decided to TTC again, we have already been down this road last year, which ended in an ectopic pregnancy. I am excited but I am also scared,anxious,guilty and feeling really down about it. I obviously want a daughter, I have since before DS1 was born and I have been through gender disappointment with both of my boys, second time around was very hard because we were told we were having a girl and it wasn't until a follow up scan at 23weeks wefound out otherwise, I didn't deal with it well, but by the time my second son was born the feelings had passed, but arise everytime I hear someone is expecting a girl, whenever I think about TTC and if I fall pregnant with another boy I just don't feel excited at all, actually i resent the thought of having another boy. I love my boys more then anything and I like to think i would come around to the idea of another boy, but I just don't. I don't want to spend all my time looking up and preparing myself to try and up my chances of a girl, I tried that with DS2, I followed a strict "girl diet" and the shettles method, but we still had a boy. And I dont want to do that again, I don't want to set myself up for failure again.
    Thankfully, DP has been supportive and understanding, he also wants a daughter, but I don't think he gets the full extent, I dont think he understands that TTC is really hard for me, all I can think about is what if I fall pregnant with another boy. I hate feeling like this, I know I should feel blessed and I do, but I can't help these thoughts
    How did you cope with these motions?

  2. #2
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    I only have one child, and my experience may or may not be valid, but I was initially pregnant with twins, was sure one was a boy, but I lost one fairly early on. Throughout the pregnancy, I was certain the baby in me was a boy, then a series of ultrasounds told me I was right. Even the one at 36 weeks told me it was a boy. Then the day after that 36w ultrasound, out came a girl. I had spent about 30w believing there was a boy, and strongly believe the other baby was a boy. Ever since then, I have felt I was without that son of mine.

    So while it wasn't gender disappointment as such, I feel rotten about it. If I were to have another, I would very much want that son I so longed for.

  3. #3
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    I totally understand where you are coming from. As you can see I just had my third boy last month. We were preparing to ttc and had started doing the girl diet etc. Then I found out I was pregnant. Had a feeling all along it would be another boy. Didn't want to know at 20 weeks, but the person doing the scan didn't do a very good job hiding it from me. I was devastated.
    I am now glad I found out and was able to process it and look forward to meeting my next little man. Since having him I have been amazed at how many people say to me,'Are you going to try for a girl?'. It's like he is being dismissed straight away.
    I know my DH would probably like to try once more, but I am pretty certain that won't be happening. I don't want to go through the disappointment again.
    I think you need to be comfortable with the fact it may be another boy before you ttc.
    HTH

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    I thought about this a lot when we were considering ttc a third. We have 2 girls but both would like a son and tbh i wasn't sure how i would feel about having another girl - i worried that maybe i only wanted a third to get a boy and i didn't want to do that. I also looked at swaying for a boy but decided if we did try for another i didn't want to go through all this effort swaying for a boy then get a girl - i guess i figure if it was meant to happen it would. Part of me thinks 3 girls would kind of cool and i'd okay with it (after all i always wanted boys but love my girls and wouldn't want to change them for boys) and part of thinks what if i'm not okay with it and end up feeling regretful i went back for another - i don't know how i would feel unless i actually got pregnant but i wasn't sure if i wanted to risk it.

    It's a bit of a moot point now as we finally decided to just not have anymore and accept that we will never have a son. Sorry - not very helpful but you are not alone in these feelings.

    ETA: I'd like to note that our decision to not have anymore was not becasue we didn't want another girl - there were other reasons for that decision and if we had of gone ahead with a third we would have felt happy with another daughter.
    Last edited by MothersMilk; 19-01-2012 at 13:39.

  5. #5
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    bellalika is offline I'm trying my hardest, please don't ask for more.
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    I understand completely. I was over the moon when I found out my brother and SIL were / are having a boy. I know they, she especially, wanted a girl first but I think I needed them to have a boy first. Nuts huh. I would love a girl. Hubby says he need a guaranteed girl or he won't have another baby. I refuse to have another baby until we both want another child but I know we would both be desperate for pink.

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    Thankyou so much for all the reassurance ladies!

    DP and I had a long D&M about the topic last night, and I think he understands how I feel. I told him that I wouldn't mind if we had a boy, I just want a girl, it doesn't really make much sense, but in my mind it does. We are having a baby because we want a child together, the gender is just something I have to deal with and I will love our baby regardless, I just hate feeling like I do, it makes me feel selfish and ungrateful, but they are feelings I can't really control. I may be getting a little ahead of myself though, i'm not even pregnant now, so think I need to take a chill pill and go with it all. Thanks again girls!

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    Oh I feel bad for you that you have these feelings :-(

    I have a girl, I've also just had a miscarriage.. I just want a healthy baby.

    I do wonder though if I'm not worried about gender because I already have my girl??

    I hope you find peace and have the little girl you so badly desire xxx

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    Thanks Vintage. The feelings suck. I had an ectopic pregnancy last year, and I feel like that was my "girl" my chance to have a girl baby...I just had a vibe. But after going through all of that, I hope I never have to again and do just wish for a healthy baby in the long run.

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    Yes for sure xx

    Still a hard one though..

    A friend of mine had four boys before she got her girl.. Desperately wanted her..desperately disappointed through two pregnancies and births..

    But...

    Seeing those around suffering from family losses or sick children can put things quickly into perspective.

    You might grieve for the loss of a daughter if you were to receive another son.. But just maybe you were meant to be a beautiful mama surrounded and idolized by darling boys that turn into men...

    Thinking of you xx

  10. The Following User Says Thank You to VintageLover For This Useful Post:

    Littlemissmetal  (19-01-2012)

  11. #10
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    Sorry!! Three boys!! Then her girl!


 

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