+ Reply to Thread
Results 1 to 10 of 10
  1. #1
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Posts
    216
    Thanks
    11
    Thanked
    43
    Reviews
    0

    Default Just needing some advice

    One of my closest friends who I love dearly has cancer. She has to have an operation to remove her uterus and I feel so sad for her as she and her husband had been trying to conceive for some time before finding out she was unwell.

    She doesn't know that I'm pregnant as we had decided not to tell anyone until our twelve week scan gets the all clear.. Well the scan is tomorrow and I will be seeing her Thursday.

    I honestly don't know how to tell her as the last time I went to visit her she was upset about seeing people around her getting pregnant and she was saying that she felt bitter towards pregnant women at the shops etc. she is such a beautiful person and I completely understand why she is feeling this way. She has no children and will never be able to carry her own.

    I just wish there was an easy way to tell her without hurting her.

    Can anyone please offer me some advice

  2. #2
    Shortiii's Avatar
    Shortiii is offline Baby H v2.0 - Anticipating April release
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Posts
    784
    Thanks
    62
    Thanked
    63
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Congrats on your pregnancy!

    I can only tell you of my experiences. A friend of mine was going through fertility treatment..(one of my best friends) and We didnt tell anyone we were prgegnant until after our 13 week scan. Instead of telling anyone individually, we just did the facebook thing. I was worried about my friend... but she would feel singled out, if I had approached her first and would feel like I am making it a bigger issue for her. So.. I put it on FB and waited for her to deal with it.
    She didn't talk to me for 2 months... I left her alone, we had been TTC together.. anyway, she eventually came forward and told me than is is UTD too.. and I was super happy for her ofc! However, she had mentioned how upset she was and she cried for a few weeks when she found out I was pregnant. She was glad I had left her alone and not approached her.. and let her deal with it in her own time.

    I also have a family member who is having fertility problems/told cant conceive and has not talked to me and is ignoring me since they found out.

    I think, you have to know what kind of way to best approach your friend, depending on the person she is. I think you should be prepared to lose her friendship for a while, while she deals with the news. You may feel it is best to approach her directly and let her know first... or maybe sending a text or email would be less confronting for her and she doesn't have to pretend to be happy for you, which I am sure she will be eventually, but it will be a shock for her.

    Having to remove her uterus is such a huge emotional upheaval, even when not TTC. I think you need to decide how best to approach her. It is hard not to take it personal especially when you are excited for your new baby. But in the same... you are both going through your own journeys too.. You cant feel guilty for being happy and excited about your new child.. and she will probably resent you but you just have to be there for her best you can.

    I aplogise for being so long.. and I hope I made some sense and maybe helped a little... I am wishing you all the best of luck with your scan.

  3. The Following User Says Thank You to Shortiii For This Useful Post:

    relle  (29-08-2014)

  4. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Posts
    96
    Thanks
    28
    Thanked
    22
    Reviews
    0
    i think the best way to do it is just tell her, an dlet her know that you nderstand if she is not happy with the news or is botter towards you etc. It wont last for ever and if she has to hear it from some one else it might be worse. You might have to be prepared for her to need space, but let her know you dont hold it against her.

    You never know, she might be happy for you.

    Congrats on your pregnancy and i hopeur friend is going to be fine. fingers crossed there is not too much pain for you both.
    Last edited by lonni; 17-01-2012 at 18:27. Reason: spelling

  5. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to lonni For This Useful Post:

    Jenga  (17-01-2012),relle  (29-08-2014)

  6. #4
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Posts
    721
    Thanks
    38
    Thanked
    134
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I have a friend who took several years to get pregnant and another friend who cannot have children. I found with both friends that it was best to just spit it out but not gush about it for hours. She has suffered a terrible loss but I'm sure she'll be happy for you all the same.

    I've discovered the worst thing to do is avoid her or sugar coat it - she might feel like you're treating her like a charity case.

    Good luck. It's never an easy thing to do.

  7. The Following User Says Thank You to Lock and Lu For This Useful Post:

    lonni  (17-01-2012)

  8. #5
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Location
    Ballarat
    Posts
    996
    Thanks
    471
    Thanked
    191
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Maybe just let her know you went for a scan the other day and are pregnant and if she doesn't want to continue the convo then leave it. It would be so hard!
    DP & I are beginning to TTC in Feb and we're actually worried that we have no issues getting UTD bc BIL & SIL have been trying for almost a year with no success! Never an easy thing!!

    Congrats on your pregnancy!
    And just remember your friend will need time to mourn the loss of the children she will never get to have naturally xx

  9. #6
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    Queensland, Australia
    Posts
    9,135
    Thanks
    3,609
    Thanked
    2,361
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by carolinaw View Post
    What's she need is good friend to be with her and treatment to cancer then she will back to ttc again.
    She doesn't have a uterus therefore will never be able to have children OP, this must be so hard I agree with the advice that has been given here. Congratulations on your pregnancy too .

  10. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Pinkzy For This Useful Post:

    *Cj*  (17-01-2012),trishalishous  (17-01-2012)

  11. #7
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Posts
    216
    Thanks
    11
    Thanked
    43
    Reviews
    0
    My lovely friend very sadly passed away..

    In her last days, she told her mum that she knew she was going to heaven to look after all the babies who like her were not meant for this world.

    In hospital when she was at her worst, she congratulated me on the birth of my baby. She was truly happy for me.

    She was also over the moon for me when I plucked up the courage to tell her I was pregnant.
    She told me that I should not have been silly and worried to tell her.
    A true friend right til the end. X

    Sent from my GT-I9505 using The Bub Hub mobile app

  12. #8
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Posts
    488
    Thanks
    78
    Thanked
    289
    Reviews
    3
    I'm so sorry to hear your friend passed away - it sounds like she was a beautiful person

  13. #9
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    Melbourne
    Posts
    745
    Thanks
    238
    Thanked
    245
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    So sorry for your loss. Your last post brought tears to my eyes, she sounds like a beautiful soul.

  14. The Following User Says Thank You to bitterpure For This Useful Post:

    relle  (29-08-2014)

  15. #10
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Posts
    216
    Thanks
    11
    Thanked
    43
    Reviews
    0
    She sure was a beautiful soul.

    It's been very hard to deal with. A year has passed and still, every day, she is constantly in my thoughts.
    Life will never be the same ♡♡

    Sent from my GT-I9505 using The Bub Hub mobile app


 

Similar Threads

  1. Just needing some advice...
    By c2p08 in forum General Parenting Tips, Advice & Chat
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 16-09-2012, 19:25
  2. Needing some advice
    By Rocky27 in forum Conception & Fertility General Chat
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 06-03-2012, 21:12
  3. Replies: 27
    Last Post: 11-02-2012, 18:26

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Springfree Trampoline
Give the Ultimate Christmas Gift Springfree Trampoline
The World's Safest Trampoline™ is now also the world's first Smart Trampoline™. Sensors on the mat detect your every move and your jumps control fun, educational and active games on tablet. Secure the Ultimate Christmas Gift today!
sales & new stuffsee all
Wendys Music School Melbourne
Wondering about Music Lessons? FREE 30 minute ASSESSMENT. Find out if your child is ready! Piano from age 3 years & Guitar, Singing, Drums, Violin from age 5. Lessons available for all ages. 35+ years experience. Structured program.
Use referral 'bubhub' when booking
featured supporter
ProSwim
ProSwim Rostrevor runs learn to swim classes for children and adults. Lessons are run during the Summer months (Oct-Mar). Our indoor centre at Plympton Park has lessons all year round, including school holidays.
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!