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  1. #71
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    none of your bees wax
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    I had so many awful things happen to me with my first and I did complain in writing (heard nothing back), I can't even go into the details. I was a lot more informed and much more assertive with my second and I was treated like ****. I got an internal, I asked if it was necessary and the OB snapped at me like a child "of course its necessary, hop up on the table and remove your undies". I was given a S&S. I knew what was going to happen only because of BH, if I had not have known what the procedure was, I would have been so traumatised. I still felt humiliated and sick. I cried as soon as I stepped out of the office. the OB never explained what she was going to do, why she was doing it, what the risks were and she NEVER gave me the choice to say no.

  2. #72
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    none of your bees wax
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    i should add, that i chose a home birth for our third child. everything i asked for (no internals, no needles, allowing the placenta to come on it's own etc) was fully respected without any questioning. birth is NOT meant to be humiliating. if yours was humiliating and undignified then you have been ripped off.

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  4. #73
    Tam-I-Am's Avatar
    Tam-I-Am is offline Winner 2009 - Most Helpful Member Award
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    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    In front of the computer....Der!
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    Lonni, can I respectfully request that you read some information on feminist theory, rape, rape culture, and victim-blaming before continuing to argue that position? (So many people are so much more eloquent than me, so I'm going to link to some stuff). Like this piece, Don't Get Raped: http://bluemilk.wordpress.com/2010/0...ont-get-raped/

    Don’t get raped

    June 1, 2010 by blue milk

    From Amelia Bentley’s article in the brisbane times (my use of bold in the excerpt below):
    A 17-year-old girl’s drunken night out at Brisbane club Friday’s led to her alleged violation and rape by two men, one of whom would later tell police he believed she had consented to sex because “she didn’t say no … she didn’t do anything”.

    And then…
    In the bedroom, the girl had consensual sex with a man and after he left the bedroom she saw three men enter the room, close the door and then some or all of the men engaged in sex acts with her.

    Mr McCarthy said in the girl’s own words, at this time she was “really out of it” and “tried to move away but couldn’t” and that she had been in and out of consciousness during the incident.

    Well, you get the picture.

    Don’t go out and get drunk, it could lead to you getting raped. Also, don’t have sex with someone because it could get you raped by someone they know. Don’t be young, that could definitely get you raped. While we’re at it, especially don’t be a child, that could really get you raped. Don’t be older either, that can get you raped. Don’t be living in a nursing home; women get raped there. In fact, what are you even doing in an establishment like that, are you asking for it? Don’t be single; single girls are sluts. Sluts get themselves raped. Don’t be married either or you could get raped by your husband. Don’t go jogging, that is just irresponsible. Don’t go to carparks, that can get you raped. And really don’t go jogging in a carpark, that is like so going to get you raped. Don’t go to public toilets, that can lead to rape. Don’t be dying; dying women get raped. Don’t ever be unconscious for any reason whatsoever, you’ll get yourself raped. Don’t be injured either. Raped. Avoid being physically disabled. Raped. And particularly avoid being intellectually disabled. You couldn’t get yourself more raped. Don’t go out alone, that is dangerous and you could get raped. But don’t accept lifts either; that is just asking for trouble. Don’t ever be naked, it could get you raped. Don’t wear clothing in which I could imagine you naked, that could get you raped. Don’t wear short skirts, they attract rape. Don’t wear baggy clothing or pyjamas or hospital gowns or a hijab either, women get raped in all those too. Don’t have a father, brother, uncle or grandfather. You could get raped by one of them. And oh my god, don’t even think about having a step-father. So raped. Don’t be ugly or you could deserve rape. Don’t be beautiful, you will be too tempting. Don’t flirt with men, this can get you raped. Don’t be rude to men either – playing with fire. Don’t take public transport. Raped. Don’t drive your own car, what if someone hid in the back seat, you could get raped. Don’t sell sex or anything close to it. Raped, raped, raped. Don’t be mistaken for someone who might sell sex. Obviously, you would get raped. Don’t be a soldier, a waitress, a teacher, a police officer, or a hairdresser. All these women can get raped, sometimes by their professional colleagues. Don’t dance, it could lead to you getting raped. Don’t relax, what if it made you look like you wanted it. Don’t be stupid, that will surely get you raped. Don’t be naive, you’ll deserve what comes to you. Don’t be adventurous, that is being stupid and stupid women get raped. Don’t be silent, who can be expected to know you didn’t want to be raped. Don’t be intimidated, that can signal weakness and will get you raped. Don’t be trusting, don’t be in awe, don’t be flattered by anyone – that could so get you raped. Especially don’t be female, that could really get you raped, although being male could get you raped too, so don’t do that either. And don’t be interesex or trans, people will think rape is for your own good.

    Yeah, what leads to rape exactly? Amelia Bentley needs to wipe the misogynist fog off her glasses and get some clarity. Granted we’re still talking allegations here but drunken nights out do not lead to rape. Rapists rape. Rapists raping lead to rape. Victims are never to blame.

    To the woman unconvinced: http://hoydenabouttown.com/20110624....n-unconvinced/

    Rape culture 101: http://shakespearessister.blogspot.c...lture-101.html

    But why should she take some responsibility, too? http://bluemilk.wordpress.com/2010/0...-for-the-rape/

    Because while you're arguing that women need to modify their own behaviour lest they be raped - the logical conclusion of that is that if they don't, they must take at least some responsibility for having been raped. This *is* victim-blaming at it's very essence. I understand that's the last thing you want to do, and I understand that most of our culture does it and that you've taken on board what you've been told - and I also understand that it's a mind-f*** when you realise that something you've been taught all your life might be totally wrong and how it might totally throw your world view/understanding on it's ear, but...please...stop stating that women need to modify their behaviour lest they be raped. It hurts hearing this. It really does.

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  6. #74
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Brisbane, QLD
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    My son's birth wasn't birth rape but it was traumatic. Unless you've had a birth that was traumatic then it is hard to really understand what it means to be robbed of that birth experience. Thank you for posting Tam, it needs to be said, feeling violated, a loss of dignity, and traumatized is not what birth should be.

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