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  1. #61
    Tam-I-Am's Avatar
    Tam-I-Am is offline Winner 2009 - Most Helpful Member Award
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    Quote Originally Posted by lonni View Post
    TamIam

    We should agree to disagree, we have hijacked the thread, oops, sorry, even if it was your thread i feel a bit bad.

    And i just dont seem to be making my points clear, reading back they dont realy say what i mean, which is odd as that is one of the things i am good at, Is 7 weeks too early to claim baby brain?

    I have enjoyed our discussion and hope there are no hard feelings, i certainly didnt not intend any harm.

    Plus i think my morning sickness is going so i can finaly get some sleep.
    Sorry, I must have been cross posting as you wrote that.

    I'm happy to agree to disagree. Thank you for a balanced and productive debate. It was a pleasure (not being at all sarcastic there). Hope you sleep well (any gestation pregnancy is good to claim baby brain ) and I really hope there are no hard feelings. I very much enjoyed your input. It is very valuable.

    And again...I am so sorry for your experiences. If you ever want to have a chat...I'm really happy to exchange a few PMs with you

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    lonni  (18-01-2012)

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    Wow that debate was awesome (sorry former debater)

    Thank you for this thread as someone who was raped and is looking to have a baby you have converted me to a c section (I think)
    Just wondering of any of you that had those god afoul things happen to you of you ever lodged formal complaints to the hospital or the police?? What was the outcome??
    I think this issue does need to be looked at further possibly by a politician....
    Ver interesting thread!


    Sent from my iPhone using Bub Hub app

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    I haven't experienced child birth but this makes me feel very sad and also angry.

    What can we do as a collective about this? I would bet most people wouldn't even know about it.

    I am so sorry for anyone who had been treated like this

  5. #64
    Opinionated's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Waitingfordaisy View Post
    Thank you for this thread as someone who was raped and is looking to have a baby you have converted me to a c section (I think)
    Having a c/section doesn't make you immune. Unfortunately no woman, no matter how they birth is 100% safe. Perhaps the safest is homebirth, but even still, if complications arise, you may have to transfer.There are many things you can do to reduce the chances of you becoming a victim, but you can't take away all chance. Women who have c/sections still have 9 months of pregnancy before hand and follow up afterwards and on occasion experience horrific things during birth just as v/b'ers can.

    While I am not putting c/sections down and really can't comment on them because I have never birthed that way, I can say that despite a not so great experience with my first child, I am glad I had my v/b. I have sexual assault in my history and found the birth of my second child incredibly empowering. It was an experience that made me love that part of my body that I had always associated with things that were negative. I felt supported, safe and in control. I am not trying to talk you out of c/s, but you should know that v/b can be life changing and extremely positive despite the scary things you have read in this thread. Try not to make decisions based on fear, rather, make educated decisions based on the outcome you desire most.

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    Gandalf  (18-01-2012),SassyMummy  (18-01-2012)

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    I agree with the education/'know your rights' thing.

    I don't think she means women can stop it happening in the moment by being educated, more that if they knew what it was they could recognize it and complain.

    I wouldn't know what rape was if no one explained, so if it happened to me how would I know it's not normal? How would I know I had the right to complain?

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    lonni  (18-01-2012)

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    Quote Originally Posted by Waitingfordaisy View Post
    Just wondering of any of you that had those god afoul things happen to you of you ever lodged formal complaints to the hospital or the police?? What was the outcome??
    I think this issue does need to be looked at further possibly by a politician....
    Ver interesting thread!


    Sent from my iPhone using Bub Hub app
    Unfortunately for me complaining was a waste of my time and energy and only caused me more anguish.

    Firstly I complained to the hospital who said that it pretty much had nothing to do with it as they are not responsible for what the dr does (however they did implement different products to ensure that it didn't happen again)

    Then I complained to the medical board which was a very long process. It went to a hearing were they found the dr wasn't at fault and it was a common thing to happen in obstetrics (although when I google I can't find anything on it and my ob had told me he had never seen this in 20 years of practicing)

    Then I rang the ombudsman but unfortunately they cant over rule the medical board.

    Then I wrote to the wa minister of health who then told me to write to wa CEO of health but apparently no body can do anything about what happened.

    Although I am sure the outcome wouldn't have been the same if I had died from septicemia. They are just lucky that I continued to go back to the drs week after week because I knew something was wrong.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Waitingfordaisy View Post
    Wow that debate was awesome (sorry former debater)

    Thank you for this thread as someone who was raped and is looking to have a baby you have converted me to a c section (I think)
    Just wondering of any of you that had those god afoul things happen to you of you ever lodged formal complaints to the hospital or the police?? What was the outcome??
    I think this issue does need to be looked at further possibly by a politician....
    Ver interesting thread!


    Sent from my iPhone using Bub Hub app
    Dont let our stories scare you off normal birth, speak to your midwife or doctors regarding the pro and cons of both.

    For some of the things that happend to me the hospital did know they were introuble and sent a hospital liason or complaints person to me.

    But that was after a few days of nurses speaking to me and pretty much makingme feel like it was all justy a great big mistake and i did not want to get them in trouble. I got all the excuses under the sun, we were very busy, you need more care than the other patents etc.

    It wasnt till after a few years that i realised i should have said something and i realised i was played and it wasnt till last week that i realised it happened to other and i didnt have to put up with it.

    Your comment about the politicians is a good idea. Maybe we should start a letter writing campaign to bring the issue to the local members attention. Or even if we each write a letter to each states health minister and teh federal ones too, it might get some attention.

    That brings back memories of my high school activism days, lol, the poor ministers were always getting ;etters from me. LOL.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Tam-I-Am View Post
    Sorry, I must have been cross posting as you wrote that.

    I'm happy to agree to disagree. Thank you for a balanced and productive debate. It was a pleasure (not being at all sarcastic there). Hope you sleep well (any gestation pregnancy is good to claim baby brain ) and I really hope there are no hard feelings. I very much enjoyed your input. It is very valuable.

    And again...I am so sorry for your experiences. If you ever want to have a chat...I'm really happy to exchange a few PMs with you
    It was a good discussion, i am glad it ended amicably.

    Lol at the cross posting, it does get a bit comfusing after a while.

    And im glad any gestation is a good time to claim baby brain, i froze the car keys today and need a good excuse, lol.

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    Just rad this and will only address one issue or maybe two.
    Quote Originally Posted by Tam-I-Am View Post

    None of these things cause rapes. Women out drinking in public places don't cause them to be raped. Them accepting rides from strangers doesn't cause rape. Them accepting drinks from strangers or them leaving their drinks unattended don't cause rapes. Them walking down dark alleys late at night don't cause rapes.
    We were taught at school that these things do help to prevent rape, we were also told in the life education van.

    Not leaving your drink alone or accepting drinks from stragers reduces the risk of having your drink spiked, and the posibility of some one taking advantage of that and sleeping with you when you do not have teh capacity to consent.

    Not walking drunk down the dark alley by your self reduces the risk of some taking advantage of you and raping you.

    Not going home drunk with a bunch of guys reduces the risk of of being in a situation that you dont feel you can say no to.

    I was not saying that if you do these things you will be raped. But they do increase the risk. Which is why these types of rapes are the small percentages of reported rapes. How many of those sorts of rapes do you think we would have if women didnt pretect them selves?

    Quote Originally Posted by Tam-I-Am View Post

    And I think I understand now why it is that we seem to be having such a conflict of opinions when we also seem to be agreeing.

    You think women can prevent their own rapes. I think this is victim-blaming. I don't mean that you do it on purpose, or maliciously, or even with the understanding that what you are doing is victim-blaming, because most of society thinks the way that you do on this...but it's bollocks.

    Because at the end of the day, rapists cause rapes. And the vast, vast majority of rapes occur in a woman's own home or the house of somebody she knows, and are committed by her own partner or her ex-partner, or somebody else known to her. The number of 'woman walking drunk down a dark alley and dragged into a bush by a complete stranger' rapes that actually occur is so small as to be almost statistically insignificant. Women are doing all of those things to 'protect themselves' - and more. But even women in burqas who never leave the presences of a male relative in public or their own houses outside of daylight hours or drink alcohol or drive cars STILL get raped. Because they cannot prevent their own rapes. Only rapists can prevent rapes.

    Education doesn't help. We keep teaching girls all the things that they should supposedly be doing to protect themselves - and they're doing them - and the rates of rapes and sexual assaults continues to climb. Because those 'prevention' measures just don't work.
    You are saying that you can not prevent a rape. That we are all helpless to protect our selves. That our rape is in some one elses hands completely.

    If that is the case, well i may as well wait for the inevitable.

    And if i do have the misfortune of being in that situation just lay down and take it cause there is absolutely nothing i can do about it. I can not prevent my own rape, ever.

    Can you see why i am still arguing, that is not the essage women shoud have.

    Yes i do believe that in some cases, some women can prevent some of their rapes. And they do, there are plenty of stories of close calls and get aways.

    I did not say that all women, in all situation can definately prevent their rape and it is their own fault if they do not.

    I was in no way taking the blame from the perpetrator.

    As a survivor of prolonged sexual abuse by a step parent, in my own home that started when i was 9 and continued even when i told my other parent, I would never take the blame from the perpetrator.

    Educatin does help. I was young when the goverment started education school children about sexual abuse and what it is and what you can do if you are being abused or are abused.

    Advice included: Its not ok, tell any one, and keep telling till someone listened, scream, kick, fight if you want to or can, and nost importantly it is not your fault.

  13. #70
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    Quote Originally Posted by Waitingfordaisy View Post
    Wow that debate was awesome (sorry former debater)

    Thank you for this thread as someone who was raped and is looking to have a baby you have converted me to a c section (I think)
    Just wondering of any of you that had those god afoul things happen to you of you ever lodged formal complaints to the hospital or the police?? What was the outcome??
    I think this issue does need to be looked at further possibly by a politician....
    Ver interesting thread!


    Sent from my iPhone using Bub Hub app


    I was one of the PP's who decided to have a CS the second time around and while it was the most wonderful, beautiful thing I have ever in my life experienced, it was a decision I made with a lot of thought and research.

    My first birth was absolutely terrifying in every way, from being forcefully held down on my back, to having forced internals, to having almost bleeding to death and needing a manual removal of placenta due to careless, very wrong and very disturbing antics by my doctors and nurses. So many people say I was lucky to only have a 3 hour birth...LOL...my goodness, if they only knew .

    I didn't complain to the hospital, however I now know that I'm one of many, many women who've had such an experience there. I live in Logan, QLD if that helps (BH, I didn't name the hospital, I simply said where I live ).

    I also have a history of sexual abuse and I can honestly tell you that my CS was absolutely perfect in every way and I had no flashbacks of my experiences. I can't say the same for my previous birth as it bought back many bad memories do what you feel is best, if that's a CS, go for it, Just make sure you find an OB you trust and feel comfortable with xo.


 

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