+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 8 123 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 74
  1. #1
    Tam-I-Am's Avatar
    Tam-I-Am is offline Winner 2009 - Most Helpful Member Award
    Winner 2007 The most helpful moderator/admin award
    2008 AWARD WINNER - The most polite member
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    In front of the computer....Der!
    Posts
    19,561
    Thanks
    368
    Thanked
    1,615
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 posts
    Awards:
    Past Moderator - Thank You

    Default **Extreme trigger warning: Birth rape**. "A licence to rape?"

    Please read this with discretion if you've experienced a traumatic birth, especially at the hands of 'care'providers.

    A License to Rape

    by Birth Without Fear on December 9, 2010


    *I understand there are good doctors and midwives. To those that listen to and respect women, thank you. This blog post is about the many that do not.

    Rape? A doctor? A midwife? Yes. Birth Rape to be more exact. I remember the first time I read about birth rape. At first it is shocking to see birth and rape in the same sentence. To be honest, I never thought I would use the term, but it happens and I am not going to pretend it doesn’t. I’ve had enough.

    There are many mamas on our BWF Facebook page now. It’s a wonderful community of women (and some men). We often get updates that a BWF mom has birthed and celebrate in their empowering experiences. They may have birthed at home, in the hospital, had a vaginal birth or c-section. It doesn’t matter as long as they felt they made educated choices on what was best for them and their baby and that those choices were THEIRS to make.

    This week however, one mama posted something a little different when announcing the arrival of her sweet son. She labored at home, then when she felt she needed to, went to the hospital. She was given the help she needed and continued to labor beautifully. When she was 9 centimeters, that changed

    “The doctor said he wanted to check the baby’s position and the pressure of my pushing. He had been great so far so I let him. While inside of me, he decided to manually dilate the last lip of my cervix. He HURT me. I had bright red bleeding and he BROKE my spirit. I ended up having a c-section.”

    We had a discussion about this on our FB page and other women commented about their experiences. Here are a few.

    “My mother had just birthed her 6th child (so it’s not like she was new to the game) and her 20 something yr old Dr. decided that her placenta wasn’t delivering fast enough for him to get to his flying lesson. Against my mother’s (loud!) protests, he reached in and yanked it out himself. He scarred her uterus so badly that she had miscarriages for 4 years.”

    “It sure felt like rape to me. Of course no one else at that time would have ever agreed. When I compared my c-section and what led up to it to rape, my husband finally understood how horrible it was for me. Do people honestly think if the trauma women incur was no big deal, that we would have such a huge number of women with PPD and PTSD?”

    “My medwife started stretching my cervix after 30 something hours of intense back labor. She did not ask my permission or even warn me. The pain of that was even worse than my contractions (I have a very sensitive cervix). When I begged her to stop she kept going, told me to trust her, and that I would be glad she did this. Well what did I do? I had a total complete meltdown and asked for an epidural, which I’m sure to this day is the reason I ended up with a c-section. I’ll never be able to reconcile my decision to get the epidural, but damnit, had she not violated my rights to have my body untouched, I never would have lost it like that.”

    In what other situation would one human being put their hand (or instrument) in a woman’s vagina and do whatever they want and get away with it? Even if a woman consents, if it hurts her, if something is done she does not want or she is BEGGING them to stop, it is not OK. Ever. This is sexual abuse. This is birth rape. No man or woman should ever have their body violated in such a way. No doctor or midwife should feel they have the license to do it. No one should say it does not happen and tell women to get over it.

    These things lead to traumatic experiences, post partum depression and post traumatic stress disorder. The amount of women with PPD and PTSD is much higher than realized. It is not hormones, it is trauma. It is abuse. It is rape. The trauma many women experience with their births is sickening and a lot women don’t even realize it. Why is this? The AMA, ACOG and media have made it ‘normal’. So many women have experienced it and told that this is just how birth is. Suck it up.

    Many doctors set women up for failure. Whether they intentionally do it or not, depends on the doctor. The road to interventions and abuse is like a tornado. You can get caught up in it, thrown around like a rag doll, and before you know it you are abused and traumatized. I recently expressed my thoughts on this while watching 16 and Pregnant.

    Inducing a woman because baby is ‘too big’, it is her due date, there is high or low fluids, baby is too small, baby is breech, and many other reasons doctors come up with is unethical and immoral. If there is a TRUE medical emergency to intervene, that is one thing, but the amount of times that is actually the case is slim.

    Here is another BWF mama’s story:

    My first baby was “due” June 23rd. On the 21st I had an appointment. My doctor stripped my membranes and told me she scheduled my induction for the following week. (No reason given). She told me to go home, have sex, walk and hopefully labor would start. I had some contractions, but nothing really. I started to wonder if I was in labor, so I went to the hospital. I was told my babies FHT were dropping and that they were keeping me over night. I stayed the night to be told in the AM that the doctor was going to “get this show on the road”. They broke my bag of waters and started pit. The nurse said “Dr. hopes to have this baby here by 5″. She knew I wanted natural (back then I didn’t associate pit and the AROM as unnatural, I was “young and dumb”).

    I labored with pit naturally (had an amazing nurse). I was at a 4 and was told that I couldn’t relax enough and my doctor wanted me to have Nubane to help. They told me Nubane makes you feel like you have had a few drinks and won’t get to your baby. I couldn’t lift my head off the pillow. I had no control and that’s when the contractions were terrible! Dr. came at this point while I was drunk on drugs and could barely speak to do and exam. During the exam she put in an internal monitor ( I about came off the bed). I asked her what she was doing. “I am putting in the internal monitor”, she yelled. Then she looked at the monitor, said my contractions weren’t strong enough, and turned the dial a few clicks (it should be a click every 30-60 min). I had the most excruciating contraction. She looked at me and said “Now either you can have an epidural now or you can have one in an hour when I take your baby by c-section.

    It was 3:30 at this point. I started crying. She wanted to know why I was crying. (Gee I don’t know…becuase you just said the 2 things I am absolutely terrified of in one sentence). I did the epidural. She came in at 4 and told me she wouldn’t be delivering my baby because she had prior obligations. My daughter was born at 9:03 that night. I was left feeling as though there was something wrong with my body. I asked her what went wrong and her response was, “some women just don’t labor well and you needed help”. Obviously, I have learned my body works just fine, thank you, and I am now a childbirth educator and hope to change the birthing world!
    ~Melissa Holstrom
    Yes, women have to be responsible for educating themselves and speaking up. However, they are competing with a fear based model of care. They are being lied to. They are told their babies are in danger, that drugs won’t effect them or the baby and the next thing they know they are exhausted, mentally wore down, and their spirits broken. They become vulnerable and that is when interventions and abuse can easily happen. It happens to the most educated and strongest of women. It happened to me.

    The thing is, birthing women are the ones who have to change this. It will not happen any other way. What can you do?
    • Report any abuse. I know it is a vulnerable and emotional time, but we have to speak up.
    • Find a care provider that will listen to you and respect you. If you see any red flags and if your gut gives you the slightest uneasy feeling, switch providers ASAP. It is never too late.
    • Birth in a place you feel completely comfortable and empowered to make any choices for you and your baby.
    • Make sure your spouse is completely supportive and on board with your wishes.
    • Hire a doula and make it clear that you want them to speak…not for you, but to you (reminding you what you want, that you have a choice or to simply ask that you may have some privacy to make a decision). When you are exhausted and fear is being put on you, this will be needed!
    • Do not start down the winding path of interventions. No unnecessary ultrasounds, cervical exams, etc.
    Don’t ever worry about hurting someone else’s feelings. Don’t ever give in to anything you don’t want. Once you do, you make yourself the victim. There is a fine line between a traumatic birth and an empowering one. Don’t give your power away.
    http://birthwithoutfearblog.com/2010...cense-to-rape/
    Last edited by Tam-I-Am; 17-01-2012 at 15:15.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    19,602
    Thanks
    3,256
    Thanked
    4,044
    Reviews
    8
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 posts
    After stuff that happened having jasper - this scares me WAY more than birthing or even having a repeat csection.

    I don't know why it's so hard to understand that while I may be a birthing woman, it's still my vagina and nobody has a right to decide what they do or put inside it.

  3. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Boobycino For This Useful Post:

    1+1=5  (18-01-2012),Bubbles10  (17-01-2012)

  4. #3
    Tam-I-Am's Avatar
    Tam-I-Am is offline Winner 2009 - Most Helpful Member Award
    Winner 2007 The most helpful moderator/admin award
    2008 AWARD WINNER - The most polite member
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    In front of the computer....Der!
    Posts
    19,561
    Thanks
    368
    Thanked
    1,615
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 posts
    Awards:
    Past Moderator - Thank You
    Exactly. I totally agree, boobycino.

    I'm really heartened to see some countries starting to recognise this as institutionalised violence against women - Venezuela has introduced the term 'Obstetric Violence' as a legal term, and there are legal ramifications for 'care' providers who use obstetric violence against women (although the penalties are pretty laughable really). It's a step in the right direction, however. It's hard to be taken seriously in Australia when talking about birth rape.

    http://www.theunnecesarean.com/blog/...n-venezue.html

  5. #4
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    Qld
    Posts
    26,930
    Thanks
    2,736
    Thanked
    6,743
    Reviews
    2
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 postsDiamond Star - 20,000 posts
    It's really scary that simply because a woman is pregnant and seeing people because of that, that they are allowed to do whatever they want to her. If I went into hospital at any other time and someone shoved things up me, did things inside me that I did not agree to, or had told them to stop doing, they would be in trouble. Why does a full uterus make things any different?

    While I feel that I was ripped off, treated like a silly little girl who knew nothing, and was pressured into something not necessary, I am so glad that nobody did the above to me.

    The closest I came was a painful insertion of the cathetar during which the woman rolled her eyes at me and told me to suck it up... and left me in tears... and another ob who performed a painful internal examination on me and told me to stop moving away (as I unintentionally flinched away from her painful touch)...

  6. #5
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    19,602
    Thanks
    3,256
    Thanked
    4,044
    Reviews
    8
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 posts
    It is hard to take it seriously. I didn't even take it seriously at the time. With one incident when the ob left I was calming my DF down, I thought he was about to go and punch the ob in the face. But I was telling myself it's normal, it's fine, it's routine, be brave, don't complain.

    It really wasn't until I was reflecting on it all (there's more) in PND group therapy that I even surprised myself, I burst out crying and said I felt violated. Jasper was about 8 weeks old by then & that was the first time I acknowledged that's how I felt.

    And I rationalize and then get upset and then talk myself down and get upset again. Because I don't *want* to take it seriously.

    And I do think - in my instance - there's my experience & there's what the health care providers intentions are. I'm sure the ob who manually dilated my cervix without my permission or without explanation did so because that's what she thought was best, it wasn't done aggressively, more done with a casual disregard for my personhood. But I don't think she *meant* to have me feel violated.

    ****es me off so much though reading over my discharge notes, that it actually says my cervix wasn't manually dilated. :-/

  7. The Following User Says Thank You to Boobycino For This Useful Post:

    1+1=5  (18-01-2012)

  8. #6
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Posts
    824
    Thanks
    58
    Thanked
    42
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I only wished they would of told me what they were sticking inside of me and the risks that there maybe if they left it inside of me.

    It could of saved me weeks of being sick and actually really being able to enjoy the first couple of weeks with my bub instead of worrying about what was wrong with me.

    It should be mandatory to inform the patient of any foreign object being inserted into them

  9. #7
    Tam-I-Am's Avatar
    Tam-I-Am is offline Winner 2009 - Most Helpful Member Award
    Winner 2007 The most helpful moderator/admin award
    2008 AWARD WINNER - The most polite member
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    In front of the computer....Der!
    Posts
    19,561
    Thanks
    368
    Thanked
    1,615
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 posts
    Awards:
    Past Moderator - Thank You
    Quote Originally Posted by amiee View Post
    I only wished they would of told me what they were sticking inside of me and the risks that there maybe if they left it inside of me.

    It could of saved me weeks of being sick and actually really being able to enjoy the first couple of weeks with my bub instead of worrying about what was wrong with me.

    It should be mandatory to inform the patient of any foreign object being inserted into them
    I'm so sorry that happened to you And every woman who's experienced it.

    It is, in fact, mandatory to secure informed consent of procedures before doing them to patients - but somehow this seems to get lost in translation when a woman is pregnant, especially in labour. Much of the time women report that they weren't told what was going on, or 'care' providers just 'did things' to them without securing their consent first.

    It's a real miscarriage of medical care, not to mention justice, that it happens

  10. #8
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Posts
    2,969
    Thanks
    3,590
    Thanked
    892
    Reviews
    15
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by amiee View Post
    I only wished they would of told me what they were sticking inside of me and the risks that there maybe if they left it inside of me.

    It could of saved me weeks of being sick and actually really being able to enjoy the first couple of weeks with my bub instead of worrying about what was wrong with me.

    It should be mandatory to inform the patient of any foreign object being inserted into them
    The thing is - it is mandatory. It is assault if they do not obtain your consent prior to performing a medical procedure. Reading some of those stories makes me feel sick. And angry.

    ETA - I'm sorry your doctors did that :-(
    Last edited by smallpotatoes; 17-01-2012 at 17:29.

  11. #9
    Tam-I-Am's Avatar
    Tam-I-Am is offline Winner 2009 - Most Helpful Member Award
    Winner 2007 The most helpful moderator/admin award
    2008 AWARD WINNER - The most polite member
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    In front of the computer....Der!
    Posts
    19,561
    Thanks
    368
    Thanked
    1,615
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 posts
    Awards:
    Past Moderator - Thank You
    Quote Originally Posted by BubbleK View Post
    Reading some of those stories makes me feel sick. And angry.
    Me too. One of those stories is very like mine, and even though I'm 'over' it (ie physically and mentally healed from it), it's still painful to read other women's stories. It's horrific really.

  12. #10
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Posts
    4,382
    Thanks
    4,454
    Thanked
    1,339
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    F ing A holes! Those stories really upset me. I feel like rewinding so I can be by those women to make sure that they're heard. I had a stupid midwife check my cervix and she caused me so much pain. He fingers were too short so she kept trying to push her hand up higher and higher. She kept guessing "oh you're 7cm. No, your 9cm." I started to cry and kept telling her to stop but she didn't. I then absolutely lost my **** and she got somebody else to check me.
    Stupid idiot. Why would she insist on checking me when she couldn't? If I was in pain, just stop! My doula said to her "wow, that was the longest check I've ever seen." She wasn't impressed at all. I get so angry just thinking about it.


 

Similar Threads

  1. Wdyt? Sex with sleeping woman not rape? *trigger warning*
    By headoverfeet in forum Social Issues
    Replies: 112
    Last Post: 21-08-2012, 21:36
  2. New Rape campaign aimed at Teenagers. *trigger warning*
    By FiveInTheBed in forum General Chat
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 16-03-2012, 13:05
  3. Replies: 34
    Last Post: 03-02-2012, 11:25

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Pebblebee
Parents spend hours looking for things they need NOW. The keys, the remote, darling daughter's treasured teddy. Stop wasting precious time looking & start finding with Bub Hub reviewed Pebblebee Smart Tag. Simply attach a Pebblebee and find it fast.
sales & new stuffsee all
Pea Pods
Buy 2 Award Winning Pea Pods Reusable One Size Nappies for only $38 (in your choice of colours) and receive a FREE roll of Bamboo Liners. Don't miss out, we don't usually have discounts on the nappies, so grab this special offer!
Special Offer! Save $12
featured supporter
GymbaROO
GymbaROO offers activities for babies & toddlers in a fun learning centre, focussing on developmental education. Classes are available Australia-wide. Enrol today & help your child to reach their full potential. Visit the website to find out more.
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!