I dont know why but after 4 years of not seeing or speaking to my mother, she is all of s sudden getting to me and it is all facebooks fault!
Basically my mother is a canniving, manipulative controlling, self absored evil women - and no I am not exagerating
A bit of background - I grew up in NZ, we were poor, my father worked night shift as it paid more then day shift, but even as a supervisor he was only on $12 an hour. My mother made him work as much over time as he humanly could and even that wasnt enough for her. Her cigarettes and beer was more important then feeding and clothing my brother and I.
I never had any family around growing up - I knew I had Aunties and Uncles and lots of cousins within walking distance but were never allowed to see them, I was told this is because they were bad people, and my mother didnt want us to be around them.
I was constantly beaten and ridiculed by my mother, nothing I ever did was good enough. My brother had a learning disability and some how this was my fault. I was smart, I am smart, but because my brother couldnt read or write (hardly a disability really) I never got the attention and support I needed to live up to my true potential.
When I started high school I realised that my mother was not like all my freinds mothers. I wanted to spend more and more time away from home, staying at friends houses for weekends, not just nights, because it was good to be included in a household where smokes and booze wasnt the most important thing.
We moved to Australia in March 2001. Things didnt get any better, smokes and beer was still the most important thing in my mothers life but because my dad was on a lot better money then he was in NZ, she could now afford more beer and just about over night became a raging alcoholic.
When I bought my now DH home for the first time she instantly hated him (mind you she hated every guy I had ever bought home)
The difference between my DH and all the other guys though, was that he was emotionally strong and didnt put up with her crap. He could see straight through her and could see that she had been emotionally abusing me for years, and holding me back, making me believe that I would always need to rely on her, controlling me and not letting me be myself. He sat me down and spoke to me and made me take a step back and see it, and well I could see it and it shocked me to the core.
The more time I spent with DH, the more she got jealous and the worse her behaviour became. The more she played up the more I wanted nothing to do with her. She would tell anyone that would listen that he was a fat useless lian and I must be a magnet for people just like me.One day, about 3 months before my wedding things exploded and I havent seen or spoken to her since. Unfortunately this meant that I cant have a relationship with my father, he is a good guy, I love him and miss him dearly, but he is completely under her spell and will be until the day she dies.
Since having family back in my life I have had to opportunity to find out about my child hood - everyone said they had felt sorry for me as a child as I always seemed distant and withdrawn, my Aunties were all really upset when my father (he has 4 sisters) married my mother. She caused a lot of sh!t, and lied to alot of people. She had lied alot to me as well, bad lies to make me hate my family. I asked my Aunties questions of things my mother had told me over the years, like when my dad was 15 he had cancer, mother told me that Nanna and Pop made him ride his bike to the hospital to have his chemo, and then ride home - LIE, my Nanna gave up full time work to look after him.
There are alot of other lies too but it is far to long to go into, all I know though is my whole childhood is a lie, everything I know and remeber, is all a bunch of sh!t
Anyway, to get to the point of the story - she has joined facebook. I have my facebook locked up so tight but still she find things out about me and what I am doing, and so does my brother, who I forgot to add is the spitting image of her now - they are exactly alike and his wife is very impressionable and weak and is now under mothers control, she spilled in quite nicely to my old life when I left it.
DH says not to let her get to me, but I dont know what else I can do to get her completely out of my life!! My facebook is locked up so tight that even DH cant comment on my wall, I have changed my mobile number like 3 times since I stopped talking to her, FIL offered to change the home phone number even though he has had it for 30+ years, I dont pick up calls that come up with an unkownen or silent number for fear it might be her and I have legally changed my name so that I no longer have the name she gave me at birth or her name as my middle name...
What else can I do to keep her away from me and stop finding out about me??
I am so sorry this is so long winded, I have been keeping this inside for 27 years now and I just needed to get it out, once I started I couldnt stop.