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  1. #21
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    Put it this way op if you don't have to have him in there when your together I don't see why you need to when your not also my opinion on him visiting would be at your house couple hours and that's it, a newborn doesn't and won't like too many unknown faces it freaks them out so being an a comfort zone ie his/her home it should make it alot less stessful for bub and as some others have said you will have to go to mediation first and if that doesn't work you will then have the choice to do legal aid where a court order will be put in place it's the only way to make sure what you want for your bub is what you get good luck with everything and I hope it all works out :-)

  2. #22
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    MilkingMaid is offline Winner 2009 - Mod Award - most supportive member
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    Yep, only people who you really want to be present must be at your birth, your emotional wellbeing during labour is paramount.

    I think you seem to be thinking very clearheadedly, just remember you need not make all the decisions right now, as far as visitation after birth, well, I'd keep that as open as possible, for as long as possible, you can make some tentative plans, but make sure you stipulate that they are very flexible depending on how baby is feeling, and also how you are feeling - what I am saying here is don't put concrete plans in place which could intefere too much with your life, if you and bub have had an extremely hard night sleepwise, then make sure visits can be postponed, it would be awful to be locked into strict visits if the two of you desperately need sleep at that time, or bub is sick, or something, you know?

    Just prepare him for the total unpredictablilty of babies!!

    All the best, take care...

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    MuminMind  (15-01-2012),peanuthead  (15-01-2012)

  4. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by AM View Post
    Yep, only people who you really want to be present must be at your birth, your emotional wellbeing during labour is paramount.

    I think you seem to be thinking very clearheadedly, just remember you need not make all the decisions right now, as far as visitation after birth, well, I'd keep that as open as possible, for as long as possible, you can make some tentative plans, but make sure you stipulate that they are very flexible depending on how baby is feeling, and also how you are feeling - what I am saying here is don't put concrete plans in place which could intefere too much with your life, if you and bub have had an extremely hard night sleepwise, then make sure visits can be postponed, it would be awful to be locked into strict visits if the two of you desperately need sleep at that time, or bub is sick, or something, you know?

    Just prepare him for the total unpredictablilty of babies!!

    All the best, take care...
    Brilliant advice here re keeping it flexible


    Sent from my iPhone using Bub Hub app

  5. #24
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    My exDp was given two hours three times a week (mon, tues, wed) as well as 6hrs friday, 8hrs saturday and 4hrs sunday with DD from age 8 weeks til she was 1. Social science suggests a young baby needs a main bond with its primary carer and significant time with the other parent.

    Also, get consent orders drawn.
    Contact CSA re: child support. Yes you can have a private agreement but you must be registered with CSA.

    Otherwise, you're all fine


    Me (27) & Him (25) = DSD (6), DS (6), DSD (3) & DD (2) plus TTC from Dec 2011 :-)

  6. #25
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    GluttonForPunishment is offline Bubhub Award Winner - 2011- Most Optimistic Poster and Newbie of the Year Awards
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    Quote Originally Posted by peanuthead View Post
    I'm hoping Glutton will read this and offer his input. Would be great to get a male perspective & his advice is always very wise.
    Hello! I'm here! Flattery will get you everywhere! Lol.

    Ok, giving birth isn't about the baby. "WTF?" I hear you say. No, it's really not! Giving birth is about YOU! Now, AFTER the birth is about the baby. So you need to have somebody in there with you who is YOUR person. A friend or family member etc. You are completely within your rights to ask him not to be there.

    However!

    Ask him to wait outside and be there for when bub is born. If he wants to be an active part of this child's life, you want to encourage them to bond. As mum, you always have first cuddles but it would be good for FOB to have second cuddles. Especially whilst they're cleaning you all up etc. That way he's a part of bub's life from right at the start BUT you still have the support you need whilst giving birth.

    As to the legal side of things, I'm not 100% sure. I know you can but ex-DW and I have no legal agreements etc. We were able to stay nice about it which is good!!

    I hope that helps! Stay good!


    You'll have to excuse the iPhone auto correct. It sax!

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  8. #26
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    Farmerwife is offline Excited & Nervous about being a mum for the first time in August :-)
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    Hi OP, just wanted to mention something & I mean no dis-respect to you or anyone else but just in relation to your ex being a Jehovahs Witness. My uncle became one when he married his ex Wife & when they separated things were very complicated with custody of their children & the elders apparently made all the guidelines for visitation etc. It was all really different to anything I had heard of. Not through the legal system or something. Anyway all I wanted to say was if he goes down the path of his church please don't get pressured or bullied by any elders or religious leaders, be strong & true to yourself. It was a tough time for my uncle & he was forced into alot of things he wouldn't normally agree with but he was told he wasn't "one of them" & had to accept it. This may not always be the case with this religion & may be a one off but just wanted to share my experience in case it could help :-)

    Oh & FWIW totally not unreasonable to not want him at the birth! I believe birth is for the mother & it's the people she wants who get to be there only. Would be nice for FOB to see his child within 24hrs of birth but that's up to you too, whatever you are comfortable with.

    Good luck on you journey xox

  9. #27
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    Thanks farmerwife. I don't think this should be an issue. He's no longer involved in a church or whatever, but he still follows some of the beliefs.

    Sent from my LG-P500 using BubHub


 

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