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  1. #11
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    I think he made the decision to miss out on the birth when he walked out on us after being given every opportunity to stay. Him being at the birth would cause far more stress then needed. That one is non negotiable, unless he can do some major *** kissing and makee feel comfortable with it.

    And if we were still together we would have been living together, so no, I wouldn't have spent nights there with my children. I spent one night there with my son and it was horrible & swore then I'd never do it again.

    Crazyfamily, I'd be glad to have him visit his child as often as he wants as long as there were set times and certain boundaries. I don't want to deprive my child of a relationship with it's father. I can't imagine him pulling his finger out and visiting that often anyway though unfortuantely.

    London, I do hope to be able to form a strong friendship with him for the sake our child. My reasons for not wanting him at the birth aren't due to anger. More to do with the fact that I only want someone there who will be nothing but supportive of what I want, and someone who I feel comfortable with seeing me in such a vulnerable state.

    Thank you for all your replies so far.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lovemyfam View Post
    I dont think you should deprive him of seeing his child born, would you ask his to leave for the birth if you were still together? Its a special time and I dont think any man should be deprived of it. Would the pub be an ok place for the child to be if you guys were still together? Would you go over and spend nights with him with the kid? if so then he should be able to visit the child there basically if something would have been ok if you guys were to stay together then why would it not be now KWIM? Good luck hope it all works out for you.

  2. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to peanuthead For This Useful Post:

    Etienne  (15-01-2012),laurea  (14-01-2012),MilkingMaid  (15-01-2012)

  3. #12
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    i would not allow he to be at the birth either. He probably wouldnt even want to! Its your time, your choice who's with you.

    All of those things you mentioned could be sorted out in mediation and written up into a parenting plan/consent orders/court orders so you both know whats ok with each other.

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    laurea  (14-01-2012)

  5. #13
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    I think compromising that he gets first cuddles after you and your support person is a fair compromise, he doesn't need to be there for the birth if you don't want him there.

  6. #14
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    Hi Peanuthead!
    I am 26 weeks pregnant and my dh and I separated recently. I have told him I do not want him at the birth but if he wishes he can be in the waiting room. He has agreed to this and has said he will respect my wishes and if I change my mind before or on the day he will step up and do everything during the birth to support me. Whilst I have said I don't want him there (for many reasons but mainly for my own mental wellbeing) I have reserved a little part of myself that may be open to it at the time. He doesn't know this and I will not tell him beforehand. As for contact with our new dd during the week after the birth I will make those decisions at the time. I want my dd to bond with him from day 1 but I have no idea how, for how long, when but I know he will need to come to me at home. I have done all the major scans for this pregnancy so this is not an issue in my situation- for you if he wants to see scans/footage he can do that by looking at the one's given to you if you are too raw to have him there IRL.

    I am playing this day by day as this is very stressful for me at the moment and I don't want to stress this little one out any more than I have been.

    Big hugs. If you're not leading with anger then you are making reasonable decisions.

  7. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to funnymama For This Useful Post:

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  8. #15
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    Homestar is right. If you don't want him at the birth, that is your decision. You need to feel comfortable and if he will make you feel tense in any way, it won't be good for you and could stop or slow your labour. So if you don't want him there, he should respect that and wait outside.

  9. #16
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    I went thru this. I had just gotten back with FOB at 8 1/2 months pregnant and having him at the birth was the worst decisions I ever made. FOB phoned his parents so while DS was crowning, I had FOB, FOBs brother, ex-MIL and ex-FIL all looking on down the business end. Just about straight after birth, he was snatched off me while I was attempting to bf for photos with all of them. You want to birth to be comfortable for you. It is recommended for newborns to have frequent short periods of contact in the primary caregivers home. If you look in the single parents area, there is alot of valuable information there

  10. The Following User Says Thank You to HELPihavea2yrold! For This Useful Post:

    peanuthead  (14-01-2012)

  11. #17
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    wow hospital needs a kick in the bum for this one regardless of what was going on with the parents

    get a court order when you do come to a decision, parenting plans are not worth the paper they are written on

  12. #18
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    If you don't feel comfortable having him at the birth, it is ABSOLUTELY your right to say so and not have him come in. You need to feel comfortable when you're birthing... stressing out because he's around and you don't want him there is unlikely to do much more than make the whole process a bit more difficult.

    As to visitation, it might be wise to seek professional advice for this, but I do think that visistation with a newborn is usually fair minor... no overnight visits or any such thing, so chances are it'll be a similar make-up to what you suggested in the OP.

    Also - ignore some of the posters... they believe in men's rights as a father ABOVE the rights of a mother and her safety and privacy, and thus their posts are written from that perspective. You do what you need to do to feel safe and comfortable.

  13. The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to SassyMummy For This Useful Post:

    Busy-Bee  (15-01-2012),HELPihavea2yrold!  (14-01-2012),peanuthead  (14-01-2012),Stiflers Mom  (14-01-2012)

  14. #19
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    Thanks again for the replies. I'm yet to be told I'm being a total b*tch, so I musn't be too unreasonable.
    I'm hoping Glutton will read this and offer his input. Would be great to get a male perspective & his advice is always very wise.
    Thanks to the ladies who have shared their stories, it's a rotten situation to be in. Very difficult to make sure all parties have their wishes respected.

  15. #20
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    I think everything in your op is completely reasonable and fair. I think it's great that you're prepared to compromise some things because that will enable the relationship with fob to be as smooth as possible. I can only assume the posters who suggest you allow your ex in the birthing room are either men, or women who haven't birthed, or People that are seriously biased and blinkered by their personal agendas. Don't feel in any way your thoughts on this topic are unreasonable. They are not.
    Good luck working things out and hope you have a happy healthy rest-of-pregnancy and a wonderful birth and a healthy baby.


    Sent from my iPhone using Bub Hub app

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    Crazyfamily  (15-01-2012)


 

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