+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 29
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Posts
    559
    Thanks
    202
    Thanked
    224
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts

    Default fathers visitation with newborn & cs question

    I wasn't really sure where to post, so sorry if I'm in the wrong spot.

    So anyway, I'm currently 17 weeks pregnant. My ex left me a few weeks ago. We are having our first "chat" post break up and I'm sure we'll be discussing future scans/appts, the birth, then visitation and child support. So I have a few questions for all of you...

    1) I don't think I am comfortable having him at scans (if he really wants to be there I will compromise on this) and definitely not comfortable having him at the birth. Is it OK for me to ask him to wait until after the birth, when all the nasty stuff is over with and I've spent some 1:1 time with bub to come to meet his child. I also have another child, and would really like for him to meet his brother/sister and have some family time first too, but I don't know if this is being unreasonable.

    2) What sort of visitation is reasonable with a newborn? I was thinking 2 hrly supervised visits on a set day each week and gradully increasing to unsupervised and slightly longer visits once breastfeeding is fully esablished. If he would like to see the baby more often, I would try my best to accomodate this, provided he was willing to have the visits at my home, with me there. Does this sound reasonable? Also, my ex lives at the pub where he works, and I do not like the idea of my child being cared for in that environment. Can I specify that I would like visit elsewhere?

    I'd also like for the child to spend occasions such as Xmas and Easter and birthdays with me, and the ex is Jahovas Witness and doesn't celebrate these things. Obviously I wouldnt stop him from seeing his child on these occasions (especially birthday) if he wishes.

    3) If we can mutually agree to visitation, and child support, is there a way we can make this legally binding?

    For those of you who have stuck it out and read through til the end of this, thank you. I will really appreciate your feedback.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Location
    Victoria
    Posts
    2,610
    Thanks
    1,023
    Thanked
    511
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    I dont think you should deprive him of seeing his child born, would you ask his to leave for the birth if you were still together? Its a special time and I dont think any man should be deprived of it. Would the pub be an ok place for the child to be if you guys were still together? Would you go over and spend nights with him with the kid? if so then he should be able to visit the child there basically if something would have been ok if you guys were to stay together then why would it not be now KWIM? Good luck hope it all works out for you.

  3. The Following User Says Thank You to Lovemyfam For This Useful Post:

    KillerHeels  (15-01-2012)

  4. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    Brisbane
    Posts
    3,115
    Thanks
    748
    Thanked
    458
    Reviews
    2
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by pynk View Post
    I disagree on the birth. giving birth is hard enough without all the extra stress. its your body and if going through the birthing process alone is what's best for you then that's what you should do.

    Sent from my HUAWEI SONIC using BubHub

  5. The Following User Says Thank You to Chocolate All Gone Now For This Useful Post:

    laurea  (14-01-2012)

  6. #4
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Posts
    1,103
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked
    199
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I have not been in your situation so I cannot really offer advise but I did have a very close friend go through something similar. Regarding her son's birth this is what they did.

    A friend of mine broke up with her ex when she was 5 months pregnant. She did not want him at the birth but he wanted to be present. They compromised and her mum was her support person there the whole time but as bub was crowning he was allowed in (previously waiting outside) and got to see his son born (and cut the cord).

    She still had her one on one time after birth as he waited outside after a quick cuddle for a while then when she went to have a shower etc he got to have some one on one time.

    It was a nasty break-up but in that moment post-birth my friend was actually quite impressed with how they handled it.

    Initially he used to come over three afternoons a week after work to see his son for about 45-60 mins.

  7. The Following User Says Thank You to davally For This Useful Post:

    peanuthead  (14-01-2012)

  8. #5
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Location
    ipswich
    Posts
    1,409
    Thanks
    413
    Thanked
    127
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    i also think he doesnt need to be at the birth if you are not comfortable. with visitation and a newborn i have been through this myself and i was told that if my ex was to push for it in court he would get vistitation every second day (supervised) for the 1st 12 months as this is the crucial bonding period.

  9. #6
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    2,612
    Thanks
    2,724
    Thanked
    864
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    I also agree about the birth. If you don't want him with you that is up to you. I wouldn't want an ex there if it was me!!

    ETA If you are uncomfortable about the scans ( I would be if it was an internal) you can always say you will get him copies of pictures etc, they usually come on a CD now. Just an idea

    If you can agree on terms for visitation you can get consent orders stamped by the court. These orders are legally binding. If you only get a parenting plan these are not legally enforceable so better to get consent orders You would need some sort of legal advice prior to signing these. You can get advice through a family law lawyer or community legal centre (they do a certain amount of free consultations).
    Last edited by PomPoms; 14-01-2012 at 16:41.

  10. The Following User Says Thank You to PomPoms For This Useful Post:

    peanuthead  (14-01-2012)

  11. #7
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    19,602
    Thanks
    3,256
    Thanked
    4,044
    Reviews
    8
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 posts
    I agree with him not being there for the birth, I think that's totally reasonable.

  12. The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Boobycino For This Useful Post:

    laurea  (14-01-2012),mummaof4  (14-01-2012),Pesca77  (14-01-2012),PomPoms  (14-01-2012)

  13. #8
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    Perth
    Posts
    1,863
    Thanks
    606
    Thanked
    724
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by Lovemyfam View Post
    I dont think you should deprive him of seeing his child born, would you ask his to leave for the birth if you were still together? Its a special time and I dont think any man should be deprived of it. Would the pub be an ok place for the child to be if you guys were still together? Would you go over and spend nights with him with the kid? if so then he should be able to visit the child there basically if something would have been ok if you guys were to stay together then why would it not be now KWIM? Good luck hope it all works out for you.
    Are you serious? He absolutely does not havethe same rights to be in the room while she is birthing that he would have if they were together.. Im not even going to explain why because its obvious. Talk about invasion of privacy.

    OP if you can both come to a mutual agreement on visitation and CS you can both go to mediation and have a parenting order drawn up which can then be signed by a judge and it is 100% legally binding. I think most of what you have said is reasonable and you seem like a pretty reasonable person.

    But dont feel pressured to have him there during the birth. You absolutely do not have to have him in the room when you are labouring.

  14. The Following 17 Users Say Thank You to Lemmings For This Useful Post:

    Bubbles10  (14-01-2012),Californication  (14-01-2012),Chocolate All Gone Now  (14-01-2012),Crazyfamily  (14-01-2012),Etienne  (15-01-2012),HELPihavea2yrold!  (14-01-2012),Janesmum123  (14-01-2012),laurea  (14-01-2012),LivinOnAPrayer  (14-01-2012),mammyk  (15-01-2012),MMelissa  (15-01-2012),mummaof4  (14-01-2012),peanuthead  (14-01-2012),Pesca77  (14-01-2012),PomPoms  (14-01-2012),Stiflers Mom  (14-01-2012),Von Zipper  (15-01-2012)

  15. #9
    London's Avatar
    London is offline “I think we're losing our sense of humor instead of being able to relax and laugh at ourselves" - Betty White
    Winner 2012 - BubHubber you'd like to meet IRL
    Winner 2012 - Best Avatar

    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Location
    Perth
    Posts
    11,392
    Thanks
    1
    Thanked
    4,936
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    I think to be sure you made the right decision, think it through without spite. Sure, you're going to be a bit 'sore' from the breakup (assuming here obviously) and its probably not the best time to start making huge decisions when things have plenty of time to change. You might hate this man now but (technically) he will be in your life forever. By the time your baby is ready to be born, you might be lucky enough to have a good friendship with FOB and things wont be as hard as they seem now.
    Just think everything through rationally and try not to let your emotions about the breakup now, control the outcome. Goodluck.

  16. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to London For This Useful Post:

    Californication  (14-01-2012),Crazyfamily  (14-01-2012),peanuthead  (14-01-2012)

  17. #10
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Posts
    2,129
    Thanks
    5,083
    Thanked
    1,220
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    I regret having my ex at the birth.

    You need someone there who gives a sh1t about you when you are at your most vulnerable.

  18. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Stiflers Mom For This Useful Post:

    HELPihavea2yrold!  (14-01-2012),laurea  (14-01-2012)


 

Similar Threads

  1. Sickness and visitation?
    By bubbabailey in forum Single Parents
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: 24-09-2012, 09:37
  2. Taking newborn to a wedding...question!
    By Lemonhead in forum General Chat
    Replies: 26
    Last Post: 22-01-2012, 17:21
  3. Quinny buzz and newborn question
    By Missbehaving in forum Product Recommendations & Questions
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 09-01-2012, 12:48

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Springfree Trampoline
Give the Ultimate Christmas Gift Springfree Trampoline
The World's Safest Trampoline™ is now also the world's first Smart Trampoline™. Sensors on the mat detect your every move and your jumps control fun, educational and active games on tablet. Secure the Ultimate Christmas Gift today!
sales & new stuffsee all
Bub Hub Sales Listing
HAVING A SALE? Let parents know about it with a Bub Hub Sales listing. Listings are featured on our well trafficked Sales Page + selected randomly to appear on EVERY page
featured supporter
Medela Australia
Our goal is to give mothers and babies the best possible support for a great and long lasting breastfeeding experience. Medela have a full range of breastpumps and breastcare products, suited to every need and lifestyle.
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!