A quick history, I guess. Just had a miscarriage, bub stopped growing at 6weeks, we found out at 9weeks and I have just lost bub naturally. Still suffering terribly. Until my body returns to normal, I also have this constant reminder of it.
My problem is, while I know hubby is torn up, I am so angry with him for not having any time off work, for it not even occurring to him.
I was ok with it while I was cramping and bleeding lightly, and I was feeling emotionally stable, but what really kills me is yesterday, I woke at 5.30ish with contractions, and it lasted about 1.5hrs, and then I passed what I assume was bub/sac, it was awful, I was in the shower, he was there with me, he saw the pain and he experienced the loss, he then experienced the absolute grief of saying goodbye, and then as I laid down in bed to cry, he got dressed and left for work. Of course he was concerned, and he rang me often during his 10hour shift.
He is at the end of his traineeship, and it ends with him being tested this week, so I guess logically it makes sense that it would be hard to put off his testing. It could take weeks for him to have it rescheduled, it has been scheduled for this week since December.
But I just really needed him to put me first yesterday.
I was so angry, and beginning to resent him, so I talked to him about it this afternoon, and I can tell he feels bad, and I put it as plainly as I could, that I 'need' some help with the kids, that I am getting through the day, managing the kids, and dinner and all the basic stuff, but I feel like I'm sinking.
He is still not taking time off.
Am I being unreasonable? I have no real life support other than him, other than one family friend, and I have used her during all the various appointments which come with losing a baby. Even my mum (800klms away) is less than interested in talking it through with me. I know it's cos she is afraid of my grief. My phone has been my companion. Bubhub has gotten me through this so far.
I just want to lie down and not think or move or wipe any bottoms or have to entertain two toddlers or break up their fights, or remember it all. Just for a little while.
I am I just at the 'anger' stage?