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  1. #1
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    Default How do I snap out of this jealousy??!!

    Before you read this please understand that I know this is just an issue with me and not my SIL. (and if this is the wrong section than please move it mods)
    My SIL and I have been best friends for over 15yrs(thats how I ended up meeting and marrying DH).We love eachother to bits and share everything. Our relationship has not changed even after becoming sils.
    Our bubs are 2 months apart ( her DS is 2months older than my DD). Well my DD has had colic and silent reflux since 3wks age, has been a teribble sleeper and very hard to settle even after colic and reflux are better,now she has developed eczema!. I havnt been able to go out on my own and enjoy myself (like movie ,etc) as DD doesnt stay settled long enough with DH.
    SILs DS hasnt had any of these issues.no colic,no reflux,has slept through the night since 4weeks of age,falls asleep on his on.Shes been going out to dinners,partys,etc since he was born as her DH could easily look after him.
    Everytime I share all the issues with DD,she does console me but than also mentions how easy her DS is to manage .
    I know shes not praising her bub to make me jealous and telling me all the fun shes had going out ,etc is just her sharing her experiences with me as a best friend. But now, for the first time in my life, I feel INTENSELY jealous of her !!! Mainly why have I had it so hard with EVERYTHING, where as she has had it so easy . I'm very thanful that DD is otherwise a hapy healthy baby and maybe I'm being irrational...but all this resentment is effecting my feeling toward sil. usually we would msg (if not call) eachother daily,multiple times. But now I dont feel like msging her and only reply to any msgs she sends.
    Shes a good friend and a great sil...but I CANT GET RID OF THIS JEALOUSY AND RESENTMENT !!!! DH thinks im being totally unreasonable ( thanks honey like I didnt already know that!!). What do I do ?? I cant talk to sil about this...she has done nothing wrong and it'll just hurt her .. I'm just so frustrated,confused ...and miserable

  2. #2
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    Not sure maybe just know that every baby is different and yours is so special.
    Not everyone has an easy run but like each adult all babies are different.
    You never know she could turn 2 and be super easy from then on.


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  4. #3
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    I had the exact same problem with my sister, every time she would say "DD slept for 14 hrs last night" i would just jokingly say "please don't tell me that it's the last thing I want to hear!"
    She eventually got the hint and doesn't say it anymore. I know it was never intentional but I think it's pretty insensitive when it's so obvious your having a hard time xxx

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    I dont think it is something you can snap out of nor do I think she is being insensitive. I think you have a good understanding that she is not being spitefull which is great, the first step is done already. The only thing for you to do is remind yourself that your nephew is not your daughter. They are different. I know people who had the angel baby only to turn into the devil toddler. So my advice it to stop compairing the two, seperate your lives and enjoy your friendship as you had it before kids. Maybe organise mum and bub time with sil so she can see for herself whats going on, you never klnow you may just see that its not all rosy for her too, or maybe she will see you need a break and offer to help

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    Both my DDs were colicky, unsettled, cat napping, hard to settle babies. DD2 is now 10 months and I'm finally get some time out!

    It's so hard hearing about other peoples 'perfect' babies isn't it! Just give your DD time, both mine are super easy baby/toddlers now.

    In regard to you SIL, I'm not sure but I think I'd be inclined to talk to her about it. Let her know how your feeling.

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  10. #6
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    DanceInTheRain is offline Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass...
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    You already know what you are feeling is a bit irrational so there's no point in dwelling on that point, so honestly I would actually ask for her help. If she is that much of a great friend I'm sure she would love to help you? Talk to her honestly about how you are feeling and perhaps ask her to babysit one night while you have some you time. Don't be afraid to ask your loved ones for help and support. In a couple of years the roles may be reversed!

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  12. #7
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    thanks for your replies everyone! I guess your alll right..i should talk to her about this..maybe that will help abit. I guess its just all the sleepless nights and constant crying thats getting to me . I know all of this wont last..things (hopefully ) will get easier. just need to be strong ...I do feel better after sharing it all

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    I think you sound like a wonderful BFF simply because you recognize admit & own how you feel!!!
    Most people do not, maybe you should admit nicely to her how you feel. Let her know it's you not her & that you'll get thru it together.

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    If this were me- there would be a couple of things I would do.

    1. Arrange for some time out. Even if it's only an hour. Get DH to head to a friends house- its often easier to tollerate a crying baby with company around.

    It might be hard to leave DD but you'll be better for it. We all need time out and it'll be a really good bonding experience for DD and DH.

    2. Talk to your sil. Don't blame. But whinge and complain that you feel cheated, and why can't your child be an easy sleeper as well. Tell her you want to go out with her and that your so jealous of her outings and wish you could leave DD as easily.

    I bet you'll be surprised at how empathetic she is and she may make more of an effort (not that that was a problem) with reassurance, getting you out and about, advice etc etc

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  17. #10
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    Yessss agree!! Hubby needs to look after baby so you can go out fir s but and relax. Mean while... Snap out of it!!!!

    Think yourself lucky you love your sil and are not stuck with a horrid one!

    There is no point being jealous of anyone. Period.

    Xxx


 

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