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    Buttoneska's Avatar
    Buttoneska is offline Winner 2010- Most Community Minded Thread Award
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    Default Q for those who concieved using donor sperm/eggs.

    For all those who have concevied using donor egg/sperm just wondering what role, if any, the donor will have in your/your childrens life?

    My DH was conceived with donor sperm. The donor was told it was completely anon and noone would ever know who he was. He and his mates did it one Friday lunch time to get $50 to go the the pub with that night (he was 19yrs old). 20yrs later he got a letter asking if he wanted to go the registry so any of his donor kids could contact him - to which he said yes. He has 11 donor kids and has only met my DH. (and he has 3 kids from his marriage)

    Apparently these days if you want to donate you have to be prepared to be contacted? I dunno if thats true, but anyway it got me thinking about what parents plan to do these days?

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    Buttoneska's Avatar
    Buttoneska is offline Winner 2010- Most Community Minded Thread Award
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    just trying to get this to display, i can't see it anywhere

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    Yep if you want to donate now you can only be a known donor and are only allowed a certain amount of children through donation so there is limited chance of getting into a relationship with a related sibling. I'm not sure how long ago they changed the rules but it's something that was bought up with us in counseling about how you deal with it. From what we were told it can only be done at the child's request once they turn 18 (ie the donor can't search the out). We have had to think about it but haven't had to do it yet. We would support our child in finding their bio father if they choose to and the child would know from the start (we have some good books that talk about it - one is a recipie type book that explains all the different ways a baby can be made eg ivf, donor egg, surrogate,donor sperm). Would be very interested to hear of how others do this.


    Sent from my iPad so pardon the errors!

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    I used a known donor. I know children with very numerous half siblings due to the vagaries of 'family limits' between states and internationally and didn't want my child to have dozens of siblings. It was also cheaper, free in fact, and meant that my donor was consenting to donate to me personally and not generally to anyone. It was important to me that my baby should be able to meet her donor. But even with clinic donors the donor can be asked if they want contact before the age of 18.

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    I'm a donor, so the other side of the question. Yes, if my donation where to result in a child, I am put on a register and the child has the ability to find me if they want.
    As it hasn't worked yet, we haven't come to an arrangement about contact, but I'm happy to go with the parents wishes.

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    Hi Buttoneska

    We're currently trying to conceive using donor sperm. We never intend to keep the use of donor sperm a secret from any child.

    First we used a known donor (FIL), so there would have been regular contact with the donor if any of those cycles had worked. Implications counselling obviously involved identifying where the boundaries in family relationships are. My upbringing had already forced me to identify that there are different types of "dad", eg. social (the one that does the job = DH = the "real" dad), genetic (the one that provides the sperm = FIL), and ancestral (the one on the paperwork = DH).


    We are currently using anonymous donor. The donor goes on the registry and if the child wants to know who the donor was then they are able to get that information when they are 18, so anonymous isn't really anonymous anymore. Contact and/or exchange of information prior to that age is by mutual consent of the adults involved.

    The donor we're using has indicated that he is willing to meet with any children prior to age 18. He has also indicated that contact may be direct to him or mediated through the clinic. Initial contact would obviously be through the clinic since we don't have any identifying info yet. Permission for pre-18 contact was our ideal choice for this situation.

    If any child wants to instigate contact prior to age 18 we want that to be possible. If we manage to become parents we don't plan to initiate contact with the donor ourselves - but we will readily do so at our child's request, no matter what age they are at the time.

  7. The Following User Says Thank You to felicita For This Useful Post:

    Buttoneska  (11-01-2012)

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    We are currently pregnant via donor sperm
    Felicita is spot on with the contact regs. However here (Vic) the donor, child or us can apply to VARTA at any time for contact details. Only catch is that the other party must agree. Once the child turns 18 the donor contact details are freely available to the child only. If its the donor initiating contact then the child must agree to have the info released.

    We plan to tell the bub from the get go. We have a scrap book already which consists of all our tests at the fertility clinic, DHs biopsy sheet, the donor code and characteristics sheet, the boxes from the fertility drugs, im even keeping my puregon pen! Also the blood test results confirming the pregnancy.

    Im still unsure whether to continue that book with the ultrasounds, belly pics etc, or start a new one to signify 'our' family. The donor (to us) is just a stepping stone to create our family. Spare parts!

    We will support the baby (and any future ones as we have 4 vials of the same donor stored) if it wants to meet him. I cant say I will be happy or comfortable with it, but I know its not my life or my place to make that choice.

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    Buttoneska  (11-01-2012)

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    Will any of you be registering with the donor sibling registry ?

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    we used anon overseas donor sperm, which was agreeable to contact at 18, as per nsw rules, we too are on the sibling registry. DD will be informed from as soon as she can understand what it took to get her here, including info about her donor, we have his profile and pics for her to see. we have embies and a vial stored too for future use. we plan to be completely open to DD, and have soooo much to show her on what it took to get her

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    I'm not registering with the donor sibling registry until bubba is born, our overseas donor has already reached his maximum family limit and I have not seen anybody using this donor and I would really like to have some form of contact for the baby when it is old enough and if the other families are also happy about it.


 

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