Presuming cos you're queer that you've got certain gender roles is pretty damn annoying. Some people do have butch/femme roles and that's valid and not "stereotypical"... any more than two feminine women being feminine together. You're just what you are, most of the time, being queer means you generally examine what society's told you you should be like, and you decide what you are based more on what you *are* not what others think you should be!
Look forward (not) to "so who's the dad" when we have our kiddo. Or "who's the real mum".