Feeling Lonely

**Mum2Bug** · 09-10-2006 12:05

Hi everyone. I'm a single mum to a gorgeous little ratbag but lately I've been thinking that it would be nice to have someone to share my life with. This concept is a little foreign to me as I have never been able to make a relationship work and now it is even harder as the guys I have met really don't understand that my daughter comes first and I'm not willing to palm her off to babysitters every weekend.

Is there any others out there that are feeling like this? How do you get around it and find "other" company. I would be really interested to hear from you all, even if its just that you feel the same and want to vent etc

**Shelleyt** · 09-10-2006 17:57

Hi Dee

I totally understand where u r coming from. I have often thought about how I would handle the situation when it happens and how you would make time to go out etc. I wouldnt be willing to palm Joel off every weekend either, but I think maybe to begin with, you would need to make some sacrifices to make the relationship work. Even if it was one night out every now and then, and other nights eating in and watching a movie etc. I dunno!

I guess it would be hard for the new partner also, to be able to get to know you as a person, if the baby/child was always there in the beginning. In saying that, they cant expect you to hand her over all the time! Sorry if I havent been much help! Its a tough one. I would just be making it clear that you cant hand her over all the time, but letting them know that you are willing to make some sacrifices to make it work.

Im sure Mr Right (if there is such a thing!) will come along when you least expect it.

Am always here if u need to chat

**loopi1** · 09-10-2006 19:42

I know exactly where you're coming from. I've been a single mum from the time I found out and the father has nothing to do with him at all, I have only 1 family member in WA and I have only been in Perth 2yrs. I don't know many people and don't have many opportunities to meet them either, that's why BH has been great but even tho they are all lovely ladies I'm not that way inclined. I don't have the opportuninty even to meet guys, even if I did I couldn't go anywhere or anything because of my son. I don't have the luxery to palm him of to family and friends as I don't have them.

For the last 2 yrs I haven't been out, even to a movie, that's why I am sooo addicted to the internet. It's my only form of communication. I can't even get on one of those internet dating sites as I can't afford it, so I know how you feel but I don't have any advice because if I had it would have used it myself. Sorry

Keep positive and it will happen when it is time (that's what people keep saying to me) Good things come to those who wait is another cliche, well I say I've waited long enough.

Will see you at Thursdays meet.

**tyler's mum** · 09-10-2006 20:58

i know how u feel

i feel alone every nite when tyler is in bed, its just me every nite

i been talking to a few guys but they just want sex, i wont a man who wonts to be with me every nite not just for the sex iykwim

if it was only easy to find a man

**Mum2Bug** · 09-10-2006 21:55

Thanks for your replies everyone. I guess the lack of companionship is starting to get to me. It was rubbed in even more today when I found out that a guy I've always liked has met someone else. We never got together despite knowing we liked each other and I always felt that Bug was the reason as he had said he didn't really want kids.

Im starting to think it is time for me to head back to Parents Without Partners just to be around other people who understand how i feel as not many of my friends do.

I hope we all find someone one day!!!

**jonesy** · 10-10-2006 12:06

Originally Posted by tyler's mum

i know how u feel

i feel alone every nite when tyler is in bed, its just me every nite

i been talking to a few guys but they just want sex, i wont a man who wonts to be with me every nite not just for the sex iykwim

if it was only easy to find a man

i no wat u mean...they think since u have a kid u must b easy

thats not how it works!!!
I got lucky and found a guy who's realllllllllllly nice. He gets along wid my boy great and even though we havent been togetha long (not quite 2 mnths) he undastands i come with an attachment and as much as like being with him, my 'attachment' has priority. He hasnt grown up around kids, but he's not naive...my ds luvs him alredy

**Dadandtwo** · 09-11-2006 05:06

As as single father, I too know how you feel. I've been on my own for a few years now and would love to find someone, but I find it difficult juggling my work, being a hands on father to my gorgeous kids (50/50) AND finding time to date (without palming the kids off to a babysitter). I had tried internet dating a year or so ago (too early though) but I did meet some lovely people. I found though that the single women I met didn't really understand that my kids came first...I suppose now I would be more inclined to look for women who are parents already...they understand. I'm sure there would be some decent guys on there on the net though? I have just gone back on. My ex has met a nice guy who doesn't have kids himself, but is great with mine...something I'd always worried about.

**Christina__** · 11-11-2006 12:37

I feel like this all the time... Im 27 and I should be out there meeting people, forming relationships and having a lil bit of fun... I dont get to do any of that however... I feel like Im always at home and if something does come up I dont want to leave my baby with anyone else. So Im stuck in this rut of being a home mum, doing nothing but taking care of my daughter. Often I think is this how my life is going to be forever? Most of the people I know are childless, single and out partying every day... I certainly dont want to be partying every day but some sorty of social life would be good.... But I feel like I gave that up a long time ago when I decided to be a mother... I was with her father at the time so it didnt really bother me much but then he left when she was 6 weeks old and its been just her and me ever since...

**Mum2Bug** · 11-11-2006 14:16

Christina_ - you have just described my life.

Dadandtwo - I know what you mean. The past couple of men I have dated don't understand that my daughters happiness comes first and I am not willing to palm her off to babysitters every weekend. I've gotten to a point that I also think another parent is going to be the only one to understand.

One other thing I have discovered is that because I usually date older men, it doesnt seem to work for two reasons (that i can pick) 1. Some are really bitter about their breakups and I dont want that around my daughter. 2. They dont want to know about me once they discover Im a single mum. They dont want to think about a future where they may have to get involved in a FAMILY situation.

I guess I will just have to keep looking. If i can ever get out of the house that is.

**Ekoorb** · 13-11-2006 13:20

Where do you find men in the first place? Has anyone tried RSVP? Ive been single since I fell pregnant, which was nearly 2 1/2 yrs ago and every time I have been out I cant find anyone.

I think my problem might be the fact that when someone approaches me the first thing that comes out of my mouth is all to do with my little man. I dont have anything else to talk about.

It would be nice to have a partner but I dont cry myself to sleep about it.