+ Reply to Thread
Results 1 to 6 of 6
  1. #1
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Posts
    679
    Thanks
    199
    Thanked
    159
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts

    Default How do I say that DS can't spend the day with BIL and co?

    My BIL has two children, one is 6yrs and one is 4yrs. The 4yr old is a handful and swears, hits, is rude, disobedient. The parents (DH's brother and wife) parent VERY differently to us. They smoke around the kids, swear around and AT the children, smack for little (or no) reason (I'm not a smacker), talk inappropriately to everyone and each other, are not respectful, let the kids eat whatever they want (cans and cans of softdrink, junk food etc).

    DH and I used to look after their children from when each was only 2 weeks old every weekend for one or two nights until they were 2 & 4 respectively. Their parents liked to have as much 'time off'as they could possibly get to party, gamble, drink, smoke and spend all their benefits (you know the type.)

    BIL and wife have started suggesting regularly that my DS spends the day with them and I have told DH it is not going to happen. BIL asked DH again a few days ago whether DS could go and spend the day with them at a local waterpark. DH said that he doubted I would be ok with it because I'm "a bit weird with other people looking after DS, a bit clingy, you know what shes like..."(I'm not happy about this explanaition but DH said its true and what else was he supposed to say! ), BIL asked why and was a bit affronted saying "what, doésn't she think I can look after him? I trusted her with MY kids!"

    I now feel a bit uncomfortable about the whole thing, but I'm not ok with DS spending time alone with them! They have good intentions and would 'look after him', but not the way I would like them to, and they wouldn't be able to not smoke, swear, disrespect each other and the kids around my DS.

    BIL is not a subtle type so I expect he will say something when we see them next. What do I say?!

    TIA

  2. #2
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Posts
    679
    Thanks
    199
    Thanked
    159
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I say *I* and not *we* as I make the rules about the way our children are parented and DH just goes along with it. He wouldn't do things the same way as me and can't really see a problem with DS spending the day with his BIL.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Posts
    5,279
    Thanks
    2,361
    Thanked
    2,023
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    I would say:

    "Sorry, he's been having [nightmares/illness/anxiety/behaving funny/toilet issues/nappy issues/rash fairing up], and I just want to keep an eye on him to see if there is any triggers throughout the day, like food. It's so tiresome keeping my eye on him all day, but I really want to get to the bottom of it, and I just couldn't burden someone else with it"

    I've used this general excuse and no one seems to question it...

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Posts
    3,678
    Thanks
    788
    Thanked
    1,847
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    i'd be as blunt as him...

    "i don't agree with smoking and swearing around children and as much as we love you as family, i know that it is impolite of me to expect you guys to live by my values. When ds is older and i can explain about adult language being ok for grown ups and not kids an that he knows to stay away from people who are smoking then it will be less of an issue."

    i have never found any value in lying about my values or the way i raise my kids.

  5. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to River Song For This Useful Post:

    funnymama  (07-01-2012),nelle7250  (07-01-2012)

  6. #5
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    Gold Coast
    Posts
    8,267
    Thanks
    309
    Thanked
    356
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    How old is your son?
    Do you think they would actually smack your child??
    and at a waterpark I doubt very much they would be able to smoke there.
    Do what you feel is right...But I swear,smack and smoke and still my friends trust me to watch their kids because I would never ever swear at or smack someone elses child (not that I have ever been in that position,other peoples kids never annoy me as much as my own )
    I guess when they do alot of stuff you dont agree with...reading back over again,its pretty bad


 

Similar Threads

  1. Replies: 13
    Last Post: 25-12-2011, 00:10
  2. $100 to spend on whatever you like
    By Benji in forum General Chat
    Replies: 27
    Last Post: 19-12-2011, 16:35

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Fridge-To-Go Australasia
Xmas with a NEW Fridge-to-go Lunch Bag! Fridge-To-Go Australasia
Fridge-to-go 8 hour cooler bags are ideal under the Christmas tree! Now in modern lunch bag designs - fill them with toys and chocolate to make parents and kids happy! Stay super cool and eat healthy and fresh food all summer long!
sales & new stuffsee all
Bub Hub Sales Listing
HAVING A SALE? Let parents know about it with a Bub Hub Sales listing. Listings are featured on our well trafficked Sales Page + selected randomly to appear on EVERY page
featured supporter
Innovations Sports Physiotherapy
Women’s Health Physios who are able to assess and treat a wide range of Pregnancy and Post Natal Issues. We offer Post Natal Pilates Classes taken by our Physios. These classes help you rebuild strength through your Core and Pelvic Floor.
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!