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  1. #1
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    monkeysmum26 is offline my girl and my boy... our family is complete
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    Default Advice needed... 2 year old refusing to go to bed...

    Hi all... looking for advice or ideas...
    We have a two year old who has decided she will no longer go to bed at 7... She's been going to bed at 7 since newborn, and we've NEVER had any issues before!!!
    Suggestions? ignoring her, putting her back in her bed over and over and over, reading more books, patting, telling her it's naughty... no success... she just keeps getting out... she speaks and comprehends like a 4 year old so I know nothing more serious is wrong, other than her not wanting to go to bed and preferring to play.
    We had a baby 7 weeks ago, but all these problems have only started in the last two weeks. It is like she wants to get in trouble, even going to the length of coming into the lounge to throw toys, books, or yelling for us to go to her... my husband and I find ourselves covering our faces so she doesn't see us laughing.

    Bit confused as we have not had to deal with this before... she's usually great!! :s... thank you ladies )

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    Is she having a day sleep?



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    It sounds like she is just doing it for the attention. It's funny what lengths some kids go to when they are no longer the sole recipient of their parents attention. If she is calling out etc ignore her, and if she comes out, take her back to her room without 'acknowledging' her (no speaking, eye contact etc). She will soon get the message. If she does do the right thing hive her lots of praise and attention, make a big deal of the fact she went to bed and did what she was told. Also, is it possible to maybe put her bed time back half an hour? Forgive the baby brain but I can't remember if you had a bed time routine. DD1 has the same issue as your DD. I've found we do dinner, bath, play. While she is playing I tell her she has 5 minutes and I set an alarm on my phone. She knows now that when the alarm goes off it's bed time. If I forget to turn it on she reminds me lol.


    Me + He = DD1 (2007), DD2 (2010) & BellyBaby due August 2012
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    monkeysmum26's Avatar
    monkeysmum26 is offline my girl and my boy... our family is complete
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    Shinebrite - she does have a day sleep... we dropped it last weekend for both days to see the effect, and it was the same...

    lil miss - we've had the same routine since birth - dinner, bath, (breast feed back then...since I stopped bf it is play), then 2 books and bed. We have tried putting her back to bed without acknowledging, and tonight she actually came into the lounge and said to me and hubby... "talk to me because I won't go in my bed"... haha...

    She's just so determined... tonight we had two hours of not acknowledging and no success until I took one of the toys out of her room. That's not the way I want to go, but at the moment she has more determination than I have patience (getting no sleep with this bubba... he is a big feeder!!!)...

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    I don't agree with ignoring, I don't like to be ignored so why should I do that to my children but that is JMO. Perhaps she is scared of something? My 2yr old needs to hold my hand to fall asleep, but it's been like that since day dot! Have you tried a sticker chart? We did that with dd1 and it seemed to work, maybe you could try moving things back half hour, waking her up earlier or taking her to the park before dinner to get out extra energy? I made dd1 who's 5 run around the back yard and show me kart wheels etc she had too much energy before bed last night!!


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  6. The Following User Says Thank You to shinebrite For This Useful Post:

    monkeysmum26  (06-01-2012)

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    Thanks Shinebrite... Hubby and I have felt the same... we have tried all the other options until tonight (the first night of not acknowledging - we usually keep putting her back in bed and explain it's sleep time etc etc). Both of us agreed it was not the best method for our LO as it just made her more determined to try to get us to talk to her... Hence why I posted on here... because ignoring was our last resort... we're out of ideas!!
    We've spoken to her about fears etc. She just says she wants to play with her toys...she loves her room and her toys, and we don't want to remove things from her room (which is advice we've previously received - to move her toys into a dedicated "toy room" or space)...
    They pat her back at childcare and always have... Maybe that would help, but I don't want to start habits we've never had before...

    Thanks for the advice...

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    Ohhhh maybe she is use to the patting, has she got a lovey or a dummy? Lots of people need some sort of comfort. My 5yr old has a teddy my 2 yr old needs us and my 13wker needs a boob me and hubby can't sleep without weight on us so we have a cooler on in the night and a big doona cause were use to cold Canberra nights most of the year, but moved to SA and aren't use to not needing anything!!! So we just cool the house down instead. We're all creatures of habit really? We all do things a certain way? The more you push a child away into a non comfort zone the more they need 'attention' perhaps looking on the ask dr sears website for some help? He's a great gentle parenting pediatrician. Maybe she just needs to know ur there?


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    My ds1 did the same sort of thing at the same age... With a new bub too. I think they get to a stage where they realize bub is here for keeps and need to get some attention back.

    What really worked for us was changing up the routine and making a big deal of how he is a big boy now so this is how big boys go to bed. Little things like walking in to bed (when he was previously carried) giving him the option to have his light on for a little bit so he can read longer cos he was a big boy. It took a while to settle in but worked.

    He is 3.5 now and we still change routine whenever he starts getting a little trying at bedtime. (he now wants to be carried to bed again haha). We also do the five minute warning and let him negotiate one more minute etc... Goodluck! They always throw a spanner just when you think you have it settled.

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    See... i was told the opposite from my MCHN. She said just because your toddler is refusing to go to bed at 7 as she/he always has dosent mean that its time to cut out the day time sleep so she/he will be more tired at 7. Most toddlers still need a sleep in the middle of the day. If anything, if she misses out on the sleep, come 7, she will probably be so overtired that you will have a much harder time getting her to wind down. Which i know is true.... my 2 year old has a really hard time falling to sleep when we have had to skip a sleep during the day. We dont do it often but when we do, i know i will be in for a sleepless night because little miss cant settle and wont sleep through.
    I was also told to keep the bedtime routine simple and not so long winded. We've always done bath at 6, a cup of milk at 6:30 then 6:45 we brush teeth and read a book then lights out at 7.
    But, we need to remember that each toddler responds differently. Especially the very determined ones!!
    Our DD who turned 2 in September has been acting up at bed time for a couple of months now. She is very VERY stubborn (Like her dad) and we have tried every single trick in the book. I believe myself that this is (as Erin states) a phase for this age group as pretty much every other family i know with a toddler is doing the same thing at sleep time. But every one of those kids are responding differently to their parents way of getting them to sleep without fuss.
    Our DD will play with her toys too. We now take them out of her room and have them in a designated spot in the house. For the toys that we cant take out of her room, if we catch her playing with them at sleep time then they will instantly come out.
    She loves having the fan on in her room. So each night we tell her the rules are that if she climbs out of bed, the fan will be turned off. There will be no 2nd chance! It worked for a few weeks but now she is quite happy to sleep with the fan off. So, the next trick is to do what most sleep schools will tell you and that is to ignore them and their pleas. If she/he gets out of bed, the door will be closed. And if you have to go in, make the visit quick with no talking, eye contact, lights, etc. Calmly place child back into bed, say 'time for sleep' and walk out. Practically be as boring as possible. Ultimately, our toddlers are looking for our attention so if we are boring and remain consistent, they 'should' get a very clear message on what is expected of them.
    But as i said, this is simply a phase for a typical 2-3 year old. Remain consistent and calm and they will eventually go to bed without fuss.

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    My DS will be 3 in march and he has finally just come good with bed time (touch wood). It has been a long road as he was pretty good until he realized he could open his door (we lives in darwin so his door was shut with the AC on) then it was on foe young and old. We tried the back to bed with no eye contact or talking, telling him off a later bed time no naps all to no avail. Then we discovered he had sleep apnea so he had his tonsils and adenoids out in June last year since then he has been a different kid. We have also moved his bedtime forward to between 6 & 6.30 rather than 7 and this has helped too - he is getting more sleep and better quality sleep too as the apnea meant he wasn't getting the deep sleep so he was grouchy etc.
    Not saying that this is why your LO is fighting bed but perhaps try shifting bed time to slightly earlier rather than later and see if it helps - we had to do the same with DD too but no tonsil issues. I find that especially with DS he needs to be in bed by 6.30 or it's like we have missed the window of opportunity with easy bedtime and it is a fight until 9 pm 

    Hope you find a solution xx


 

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