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  1. #1
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    Default Has it worked for you?

    Im having a conversation with a friend of mine and I'm really concerned for her. Her and her hubby have been having a fair amount of relationship problems for the last year or so, they haven't been stable at all. She's also having issues of her own, then she springs out that her and DH and going to be TTC in a few months, needless to say I was shocked. She seems to think having a baby will make her marriage better, I tried telling her that perhaps it wont work like that and it might be a good idea to wait until they've sorted out their issues but she wasn't really interested.

    I guess what I want to know is has anyone here had a 'band-aid' baby and did it make your marriage better or worse? If you could do it again would you have waited until you'd sorted out your marriage issues? For me I cant even fathom having a baby where I'm doubtful and things aren't going well it seems really stupid.. but I guess that's just my opinion.

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    I think it's completely unfair to put the responsibility of 'fixing' a marriage on a tiny new born.

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    Lemmings  (06-01-2012)

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    I think this is a fairly common thought process, and I don't think it's common for it to work unfortunately. IMO, you need to be in an AWESOME place in your relationship BEFORE babies because babies put a major stress on the relationship and individually. The relationship needs to be strong to withstand this major change.

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    Lemmings  (06-01-2012)

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    My brother and his wife had a "bandaid baby" but he's so young I couldn't tell you if it worked or not. I'm surprised they stayed married long enough to conceive a child. I hope the do not put it onto him, although I really don't think my brother would let that happen.

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    Lemmings  (06-01-2012)

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    According to my friends DS2 was a "bandaid baby". We were TTC him for 13 months and lost 3 babies in that time. We broke up for a period of about 2 weeks and then got back together and concieved DS2. What they don't know is, that even if we were apart we would have never TTC children with another partner because neither of us want kids to other people, so we were always going to have another one even if we were separated.

    Anyway, when we got back together we were in a good emotional and financial place so we felt fine to TTC another bub. If we were not coping as a couple, or were having a bad time financially (debt, low income etc) then no, I wouldn't have TTC.

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    Lemmings  (06-01-2012)

  10. #6
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    Sparklydreamer is offline I might lack sleep, but I can dream...
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    In my experience a baby tests a relationship. If its unstable a baby will cause every crack to show. Even a good relationship is under strain with a new baby. No faster way to destroy a shaky partnership in my opinion.

    Crying baby at 1am when you've both had no sleep, there's baby vomit on everything you own, you can't remember the last time you had decent sleep let alone sex - breeding ground for resentment and conflict. Sure those days don't last forever, but I sure wouldn't want to be going through that in a relationship with problems already.

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    I think it rarely works. It generally adds more pressure and stress on the marriage.

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    Lemmings  (06-01-2012)

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    Thanks for the replies. I thought I may have been being a little harsh on my thoughts but im glad to see others feel the same

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    Buttoneska is offline Winner 2010- Most Community Minded Thread Award
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    DH and I were just talking about this the other day - my mates have had a 'band-aid' baby in some senses. Well perhaps not, but they had problems in their relationship that they were not prepared to face or work through. They have kinda from the high of getting married, buying a house and having a baby and their other issues have remained in the back ground.

    Now the bub is about 9mths old and I got a phone call saying they were splitting up. Two days later I got a phone call saying they are not splitting up.

    Anyway, my DH and I were reflecting on all this and other ppl we know who have kids/got married. Bascially we have decided that not only does having kids, house, marriage NOT make all your relationship problems better but it actually makes them WORSE. The pressure and responsibility all these things makes problems worse in my opinion.

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    Lemmings  (06-01-2012)

  17. #10
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    bellalika is offline I'm trying my hardest, please don't ask for more.
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    DS2 wasn't a band-aid baby. He was the reverse, although accidentally of course. He is hard work. Hubby says that DS2 "broke" him and credits DS2 with some of the emerged faults in our relationship.

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