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  1. #1
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    Default HELP! 4and a half year old stressing me out..

    To cut a long story short, i have a 4 and a half year old girl, middle child and has used up every inch of my sanity since day one. She is kind of out of control and hubby and i have always wondered if there was something 'wrong' but after countless trips to various docs they all call me insane im sure, but they certainly dont bother to offer suggestions, except the ' oh this is normal behaviour' .. We have had bloods done to see if there were anything lacking and nope all was fine (i demanded them). She cant help but need attention, but half the time its like she doesnt get what you are saying to her. Bored all of the time, wont do anything for herself, like she is happy to put her shoes on herself but you have to walk them the 2 metres to her. We have had her hearing tested and all is fine. We have yelled, smacked, tried naughty spots, taking things from her. EVERYTHING that i could think of. But i havnt tried dietry. We live on a farm and the kids dont have lollies cordials softdrinks juices etc.
    Hubby isnt great when it comes to paitentce, so i feel like i am fighting with ella all day and trying to keep her entertained all day whilst looking after a 6 year old and a 20 month old and 20 weeks pregnant with #4.. Its just draining as my inlaws live 5 km away and they have never been good on paitents and never given her 5 mins of time or understanding so i feel like i a defending her and myself to everyone.
    I am just at my end, I have spoken to behavioural phsycologists on the phone and my dr didnt think it was appropriate. but what do i do.. i love my kids and i hate thinking badly like this, but i want to help her otherwise what fun is life going to be like as she gets older. As i said i have a hubby, but when it comes to bringing up the children i am pretty well on my own, with no tolerance or help from the inlaws as they are too busy judging ella and my parenting and my family all lives over 300km away and now people will say why dont the girls come for a sleepover, but i am embaressed to let her go because she performs and you have to lay with her to get her to sleep, she wont eat what anyone serves up, and she still wears a nappy to bed that is saturated by morning.
    Any advice would be muchly appreciated, i just really want to be making some progress before may when number 4 arrives. My 20 month old uses up less time and effort than Miss ella and i just want a happy house.

    sorry to ramble/vent, just needed to get it all out.
    thanks

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  3. #2
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    All I can think is that she is a spirited child, is she being naughty to get ur attention.
    The nappy thing have u tried overnight training?

    A really great parent book is Alan green taming toddlers. Maybe u could get this have a read I know he has others for older children aswell.

    Hugs to you my dd is a spirited child and sometimes it's so hard to keep up with her that I just give up for the day & people just don't understand that she isn't naughty she just has to be constantly on the go

  4. #3
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    I could have written your post myself and ds 3.5. As with your dd, ds has been a challenge since day 1. I now have a dd 12 weeks and he is so much more work than her. Like u we have been to many drs etc as We convinced there is something "wrong" it has taken a toll on my own mental Heath (I have trouble concentrating and feel very anxious most of the time he is around) and at times has placed strain on my relationship with dh. We have had some success with chiro and fish oil seems to help slightly. I am currently looking into another paediatricain for a second opinion as he is now starting to stutter, it's like his brain moves so fast he cannot concentrate long enough to get a senesce out. His speech was always azing for his age.... Now he is really difficult to understand. I lookforward to hearing if anyone else has advice. Goodluck!

  5. #4
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    sounds like you both need a break from each other

    are their any activities in your area that she could go to maybe occasional care of crèche for a day with children her own age its amazing what a bit of peer support and pressure to do what others are doing helps sort of behaviour issues

  6. #5
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    We live 100km from a big town but our little community is 10km away and ella is starting 4yr old kinder there this year and she will go 2 full days a week. i am really excited about this as she enjoys going there. my only prob she is in a class of 11 kids for kinder this year and she is the only girl... she struggles with this as even though she can be naughty and push my buttons she is really quite shy and timid around others so this big group of boys stresses her out.
    i get to this time of the day and it was an hr of fighting to eat 3 mouthfuls of her tea, and then half hhr of performance to get her to go to sleep with me lying with her. but then she kissed me goodnight and said i love u mummy.. then that just leaves me feeling horrible that i dont cope well at the moment, and i think i may be over reacting for the past 3 years, BUT then tomorrow will be a new day and she will be at it again in the morning....
    as for the toilet training she was wearing nickers during the day since about 2 and was happy to do wee on the loo but was freaked out in a major way and wouldnt do poo on the toilet until abot 3 and a half, so she would demand a nappy for poo or just not do one, so that was then leaving her in pain and i would try force her to sit on the toilet and do her business and she would literally pass out, then one day she got that desperate and pooed on my brand new bathroom floor by accident and was mortified, has gone to the toilet ever since. At night i have tried getting her up to do wee, not many fluids before bed, toilet before bed, but still a soaked nappy in morning. the only way to have a dry nappy is if we have gone to something and she doesnt get to bed till midnight or after, then she may be dry in the morning.
    it all just stresses me out as her behaviour is affecting everyone, cos i am frustrated all day so my eldest and youngest cop the raw end of the deal cos by the time they get a spare 5 mins of my time im already frazzled..

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    Hi just a quick reply , sorry to hear your having such a stressful time. You sound like a super mummy to me with a 4th on the way ! Any how, my son is 3 and has just been diagnosed with autism. Im not suggesting your little girl has that but I started him on fish oil supplements for his behaviour . you can buy all sorts of candy type fish oil so they dont know. Im telling you honestly his tantrums and melt downs have halved and he is so much more switched on and happy and easier to control . like you I have to put all his clothes on / nappy ect and he was so bad with food, Still is but he is better and better, I really noticed a difference. Google it and you will see its good for behavior.

    I hope you get some peace before the next one arrives. Maybe a special day just you and her and a little hug and chat, this could be something as small as a picnic in the back yard just you and her, I find with my 3 year old taking time just for him away from the other one and breathing and being as calm as i can, never raising my voice helps. But I only have two so take that comment with a pinch of salt. I hope you congratulate your self on being a good mum. Its certainly tough when they are so full on. xxxxxxx

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    I will give the fish oil a try, i have nothing to lose. We have been to drs so many times cos hubby and i have been thinking there is something like austism or just something as she kind of loses herself in everything. but in the end havnt gotten anywhere so we have just given up and she will be off to school in 2013 so we figure that the school will pick up on things and then it will have to be delt with appropriately and then mayby the relevent people will listen.
    But i am going to try the fish oil and also looking at reading up on additives/preservitives.
    Thank you all for your replies, its nice to feel like someone is listening.
    thanks

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    Hmm I can relate to this for sure.. My near five year old daughter is a handful to say the least.. I've even been reading a book called asburgers in pink.. It's another spectrum of autism. My daughter is extremely smart and incredibly switched on but very hard to keep occupied at times, other times she will loose herself in play with her animals and little toys. She is clumsy and her fine motor skills aren't the best. She asks questions and talks incessantly to the point of driving me crazy. She thrives at kindy and childcare. Loves outdoors. Never bored where there's sand or water. Could memorize books and read then back to me page for page before the age of two! My family are no help and hubby works lots, the raising is mainly me.. I have waited this long to have another child as the whole thing had been hard yakka. I'm 7weeks pregnant now. My daughter also still wears a pull up to bed and soaks it. I also limit drinks before bed. She was daytime toilet trained by 2 1/2 ... Very very bright intellectual child but very highly spirited needs lots of interaction and attention. She plans her days in advance by asking me each day and what we are doing and she holds me to it! Her memory if fantastic and she remembers times from years ago.

    It can be very draining.

    I understand greatly.

    She also can't handle too much stimulation.. Bring over tired or hungry creates huge melt down..HUGE!

    I have to be prepared at all times. Yes I keep her away from junk as much as possible because it changes her personality. Sometimes I wonder if she's being devious at times.. It's a hard one to fully explain unless you also have a child like this. She is a pleasure but I need time away from her as she with me.

    I am going to grab fish oil today, I used to give it to her every day! Then we moved and I haven't for the last year....now I think that's why she's been a tad more trying lately lol!!

    Good luck and know there are others that care xxx

  10. #9
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    Gothel is offline Skip the drama, stay with Mama!
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    Hi MumtoKEM, big I feel for you. DD1 was similar in that she was hard work dawn to dusk and usually throughout the night too. She also had the TT problems, would wee OK but refused to poo on the loo. She also got sick quite a bit, a bug was never just a bug, it always knocked her about in a big way. I tried everything i could think of to manage her behaviour, reward, punishment, timeout, 123 magic, everything. She pushed me to the absolute max, our marriage was under such strain, dd2 was being neglected, our lives were upside down. I say 'was' because we have got through most of the problems in one way or another.

    The biggest thing we did was change her diet. You say the kids don't have lollies etc, but there are additives in normal apparently healthy foods that can drive kids crazy. DD1 also has intolerances of wheat and other foods that we think made her tummy uncomfortable and made her reluctant to poo on the loo. We disgnosed the intolerances with the help of an infant chiropracter, and I also found a good homeopath who gave us some remedies to help with her moods. Once we cleared the additives and intolerances out of her system, she improved out of sight. The unmanageable behaviour is gone, the night wakings, and just this week she has started to poo on the potty.

    OK, so for additives, check out this list of additives and compare it to your pantry and fridge. We found the biggest offender was anything that had 'flavours' in the ingredients, that is anything in the 'flavour enhancers' section, and they are in e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g...

    Read up on fedup.com.au which is a website dedicated to behavioural issues in kids that are sensitive to foods. We don't do the full diet, once I cleared up the main offenders i found we didn't need to, but its a very useful resource for recipes, and product substitutes etc.

    Intolerances - well dd1 can't have dairy (allergic) but in the last 6 months we have taken her off wheat, most processed foods, sesame, nuts, psyllium and a few other things. For the first time ever her poos are 'normal', but that is something that is specific to her. Would you have any reason to suspect that with your dd?

    I gather you live rural so your access to chiros, osteopaths, andnaturopaths might be limited, and i know that those methods of treatment are not for everyone anyway, but I have found them to be invaluable.

    Sorry for the essay, happy to chat more if you want, i just couldn't read and not post about my own experience

    Oh and can i also ask, is she like this day in, day out, without a let up, or does she have good days and bad days?
    Last edited by Gothel; 06-01-2012 at 09:13.

  11. #10
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    OJandMe is offline I am the strength my children will have.
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    Big Hugs.

    I have 2 extremely extremely spirited children. They are 7 in Feb and have been driving me crazy since they were 18months. I highly recommend the book "Raising Your Spirited Child" by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka, and also 'the good behaviour book' by Dr Bill and Martha Sears.

    Don't sweat the toilet stuff... if she still wets at night, she still wets at night. If she's trained during the day, that's excellent... there's nothing wrong with Pull ups, some kids just take longer. Encourage her to use the toilet, wake her to go when you go to bed.. and just take it as it comes. I don't know any ten year olds who are still wetting at night... it will happen, it's just a season.

    I really think you should read those books, they've been lifesavers for me.

    My twins are still incredibly full-on, but now I know how to handle it, and so does my DH... they are awesome kids, just insanity causing.


 

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