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  1. #1
    OJandMe's Avatar
    OJandMe is offline I am the strength my children will have.
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    Default Advice Please... How to balance this....?

    Okay. so this is long... I'm making a list, pros and cons.. I need your input and advice on how to help me manage the next year... from March to November... when MIL will be living with us..

    2011 was a very very difficult year for DH and I in terms of balancing our work/life commitments.

    Very short run down.

    I went back to work last year as a relief teacher... I live in a very small town and thought I'd only get about one day a week (was hoping actually, that I'd only get that).. which was quite manageable. I'd still have time to look after the kids and the house on the days they were home, and if I had to work one of those days DH could just disappear for a day on the weekend to make up for it.

    DH is studying full-time on the days the kids are in kindy (3 days a week) so he really doesn't have ANY time to lose on those days if he wants to stay on top. And he tries to do as much as he can with the kids home on the Tues and Thurs.

    fast forward... I start getting SO much work (they decided they really like me) I'm now the 'first call' person, and I have my own pigeon hole... Instead of getting 1 day a week I ended up getting 3.5-5 days a week.
    SO DH is already losing the Tuesdays and Thursdays, and now has to pick up the majority of the housework as well as I'm just simply not there!

    So now instead of having 3 full study days and 2 half days, he has about 2 study days, a day of housework/shopping, and 2 days of looking after the kids... With spending almost every waking minute with his head in a book or a lecture on his phone, he was JUST making it through.....

    Curveball..... baby got sick. Second semester the baby was home 8 out of 13 weeks on kindy days.... to DH lost that too....

    Understandably, he failed second semester... it's not possible to do full-time study in one day.

    I have to work.... it's a small town with a very large supply teaching base, I got lucky getting my foot in so far, if I start turning it down all the time, they'll just bypass me altogether.

    So we have MIL coming to live here during uni next year.

    In theory- so she had hold the fort at the house in terms of housework and sick children or when I'm working on the Tues/Thurs.. and DH can finally after 7 years try and actually get his qualification finished once and for all.... he's been trying and trying for so long, and it's really getting him down. And me down. And I feel even worse coz I've kept powering on, and he's just taken on more and more and been so giving to me, so I can sit here with completed undergrad and postgrad degrees and he can't even get one done.

    But that means basically giving over the reigns to MIL.... which on one hand I'm looking forward to and on the other hand am dreading....

  2. #2
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    Jeepers. I personally would be more worried about being able to take the reins back when dh finishes his studies. I do however think its a good solution to a big problem and its only 8 months.

    The only constructive advice I have is to practice deep breathing. Just wanted to offer some hugs

  3. #3
    OJandMe's Avatar
    OJandMe is offline I am the strength my children will have.
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    It will take a lot of deep breathing. Even when she's been here for a week I spend the entire next fortnight calling her asking where she's put things.

    So the only way I can see it's going to work is if it just go "right, complete hands off.. you do it all' and then I just rearrange everything back to the way I like it after she's gone...

    I think if I try to make her do it my way it's just going to cause friction, and in all honesty we are bloomin lucky that she's offering to do this so DH can get through.

    Maybe I'll just use it as a year to be 'fun mum'... she can do the housework and I can play with the kids lol... I can spend a whole year being the weekend dad.

    And I spose it will give DH and I more opportunity to go out in the evenings, having someone in the house to be there for the kids.

    But she can be very hurtful and tactless in what she says.. and we do clash over some parenting ideals.... so we'll need to work on that.

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    I'd suggest a round table discussion with all three adults (you could include the kids if they're old enough) to discuss the ground rules and expectations from all sides. I think it might even be useful to have a weekly or monthly review of the plan. I guess it's an opportunity to try and work together and if communication is good then it could do wonders for your relationship


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