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  1. #21
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    I have made mistakes, I once went to the toilet while my DD was in the bath I could see her so thought it would be ok, she stood up(which she had never done with me sitting beside her) and I told her to sit. She went to sit fell over split her lip open and damaged her two front teeth so badly she needed them fixed or they'd eventually be extracted. I knew it was wrong but thought it would be okay as I could see her and there was a non slip mat..That was an accident IF I allowed it to happen again it would have been neglectful.

  2. #22
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    Sparklydreamer is offline I might lack sleep, but I can dream...
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    No, its a tragic accident it is not her fault. And feeling that people 'blame' her would add to the distress. If anything happened to my kids no one could blame me more than I'd blame myself. But unless I'd been grossly negligent or intentionally hurt them it would not be my fault. I imagine this fault/blame issue would be something a lot of mothers and fathers who've endured tragedy have to work through and my heart breaks for them.

    Mostly its luck. 'There but for the grace of God go I...' Everyone has moments of inattention or makes a judgment call that could be wrong. For some it ends in devastation and unthinkable grief. Others have a lucky miss. Not everything can be controlled. As something of a control freak, how I wish all accidents could be prevented...

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    I think a mother would always feel at fault, and feel blamed if something happened to her child. I know I would, I would feel it was my fault I had to leave him in someone elses care, or my fault I wasn't supervising him better, my fault that I couldnt protect him. I think in anger and pain I would also blame my husband for not 'being' there, I think this sort of thing brings up lots of irrational and uncontrolled emotions.

  4. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by Californication View Post
    I think there are accidents, and accidents waiting to happen. If you know something is unsafe but take no steps to fix/resolve it, then yes. I think that the caregiver has to take some blame. Things like people have said above - wedging gates open (especially around pools), knowing your child can open the front door and get out into traffic and not keeping it locked or putting a higher lock on it etc. To me, those sorts of things aren't accidents. Tragedies yes, but not accidents.


    In the case of a true accident where you have done everything you can to ensure your child's safety and something still happens? Then no. The caregiver is not to blame. But I bet they would blame themselves anyway with the "if only's". I know I would.
    My sister had very bad PND and used to spend the entire day in bed. My nephew who was a bit younger than 2 at the time, used to get up, get out of his bed, climb out the window, and go out onto the street.
    He is 11 now, and thinks it's a hilarious story, but I feel physically sick when I imagine all of the things that could have happened to him. They lived on a main road.
    The front window of the house was broken, and he was able to open it.
    This happened literally dozens of times before she had the window fixed. It pains me to imagine it, but if something had happened to him then yes, I believe she would have been to blame. How she could let that happen the first time, let alone so many times after that...I just can't fathom it. We are all so incredibly lucky that he was returned safely every time, by a neighbour or the police.
    I think Californication said it best. There are accidents, and accidents waiting to happen.

  5. #25
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    I havent read all the replies, and will probably get shot down but here goes.

    I think that its not a FAULT that something tragic happens but i do sometimes wonder how you could let your child get into a situation like that.

    My 5 yr old cousin drowned in a public pool in 2009, simply because my uncle wasnt watching her, so preventable, and although he blames himself and that enough is a punishment, i do sometimes think like "ugh! why didnt you pay attention!" i also know the kind of person he is and his reaction to not knowing where she was. I also know of a family that let their child wander the streets and have gone missing before, we even found there baby round the corner and it makes me wonder if these parents dont care? are they then on the news praying for their babies??
    If you live near a busy road, dont let them on the street? its not hard. If your at the beach, HOLD ON to your child, if your in a driveway for gods sake, lock the kids inside!! I dont know if its seeing things like this happen on tv that have made ME more wary, but they shouldnt keep happening, If i let my child go swimming unsupervised, play on a road or drive away without making sure she wasnt behind me and something terrible happens, i would expect to be blamed to some degree and would absoloutly hate myself. I would probably kill myself, these things have happened enough now to not happen anymore, only have to watch the news to see that.


    I dont sit by my DD while she is in the bath either, but she is constantly singing/talking, if she goes silent for a second i call out or go and check, now i dont know the story of what happened with this mother, but i dont think she is at FAULT she will regret not watching her forever. But that lapse of judgement means her child is dead. And thats just not fair.

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    Is this talking about the fact that as mothers we are blamed for every bad thing that happens (as opposed to fathers)or mothers that are supervising their kids and something happens?

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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    Is this talking about the fact that as mothers we are blamed for every bad thing that happens (as opposed to fathers)
    I'm guessing it's this, too often in abuse cases I have heard 'the mother should have known' therefore the blame is placed on the mother for not having protected the child, rather than on the abuser for actually doing the act
    It's similar in most cases where a child is harmed, the mother is found to be at fault by society for not protecting the child

  8. #28
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    I think in most accidents, the parent/carer would think that this wouldn't happen to them. They probably think (in most cases) that they are giving adequate supervision. Once the accident has happened, I am sure they would crucify themselves and go over and over and over again 1000 times with the I should of's and if only's!

    I think alot of accidents happen so darn quick and before you know it, that preventable split second has gone!

    With this said, there are somethings where I just can't understand how it could happen. But, there are lots of things going on when you have children, especially more than one.

  9. #29
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    Like it was said before-supervision is the key!!although even if we are watching them like hawks,accidents still happen!!
    Like I saw the news the other night where a child got run over in the driveway and my DH said "dont ppl know how to watch their kids?" which I slammed him for,as we dont know the circumstancesEven if we are watching,a kid can still hurt themselves!
    I think every parent needs to take responsibilty to look after their kids the best they can and watch where they are so horrible things cant happen

  10. #30
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    Do we have to lay blame? Can't we just say it was a accident . We spend so much time in life finding someone or something to blame ( not just parents though for example the Brisbane floods they spent millions trying to blame someone ! That money could've been used to rebuild lots of homes )

  11. The Following User Says Thank You to happygirl1982 For This Useful Post:

    Sparklydreamer  (03-01-2012)


 

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