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  1. #31
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    GluttonForPunishment is offline Bubhub Award Winner - 2011- Most Optimistic Poster and Newbie of the Year Awards
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    Can I say that the time for couples counselling is now. You need an avenue where you can express how his actions make you feel in a safe environment where you won't have him disagree with you, talk you down etc. The rules are he has to sit there and shut up until your finished. If you get a good counsellor, they will then discuss with him why he does it and ensure that he realises the consequences of his actions.

    As human beings, we are capable of incredibly stupid things. Is this his reaction to something else? That's what counselling often discovers and what's important is that it's found and if possible remedied. Or is he totally out of love with you and just hasn't left due to being apprehensive of being on his own? Because you want to find that out too and push him out if that's the case.

    I really, really strongly recommend this. It will assist you in discovering whether this relationship is worth saving or not. Good luck.

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    Witwicky  (25-01-2012)

  3. #32
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    Witwicky is offline A closed mouth gathers no foot.
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    Quote Originally Posted by GluttonForPunishment View Post
    Can I say that the time for couples counselling is now. You need an avenue where you can express how his actions make you feel in a safe environment where you won't have him disagree with you, talk you down etc. The rules are he has to sit there and shut up until your finished. If you get a good counsellor, they will then discuss with him why he does it and ensure that he realises the consequences of his actions.

    As human beings, we are capable of incredibly stupid things. Is this his reaction to something else? That's what counselling often discovers and what's important is that it's found and if possible remedied. Or is he totally out of love with you and just hasn't left due to being apprehensive of being on his own? Because you want to find that out too and push him out if that's the case.

    I really, really strongly recommend this. It will assist you in discovering whether this relationship is worth saving or not. Good luck.
    100% agree with this. It's time for couples counselling, for the reasons GFP mentioned.

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    What you say makes sense GFP. It's good to hear an honest response from a male bubhubber.

    One thing i need to ask is, from a mans perspective, does it say a lot if he is getting off online and refuses to even touch me? Sure im still carrying a few pregnancy kilos, but I still think im attractive and I look after myself. That probably doesn't make sense sorry.

  5. #34
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    He'd rather be intimate with himself and not his partner who sounds willing to? Big red warning flags right there! I'm so sorry

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    laurea  (26-01-2012)

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    Got it in one V8.

    I just can't help but think there must be more to it. Some reason why he feels like this.
    Maybe I'm being too nice though..

  8. #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by punky View Post
    Got it in one V8.

    I just can't help but think there must be more to it. Some reason why he feels like this.
    Maybe I'm being too nice though..
    Punky, I don't know your DH so I'm only going to be guessing. It sounds to me like he is emotionally switched off from the relationship. This could be for a number of reasons.

    One could be that he has a problem with you, work, fatherhood, a friendship, a family member or all of the above. It could be a culmination of a bunch of little things. Many men aren't good talkers and, like toddlers, can't communicate emotions well.

    Or it could be that he doesn't feel the same way about you anymore and that there is and was nothing you can do about that. It is what it is.

    The thing is, without getting it out of him you and I will only be guessing. And I feel that's dreadfully important to find out the whys.

    Can I also say that how you look will have nothing to do with it, so please don't feel negative about your appearance. There is more to it than that, guaranteed.

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    gizmoduckus  (26-01-2012)

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    Quote Originally Posted by GluttonForPunishment View Post
    Can I also say that how you look will have nothing to do with it, so please don't feel negative about your appearance. There is more to it than that, guaranteed.
    Why do you have to be so darn lovely? I think you have single-handedly restored hundreds, possibly thousands, of womens' faith in men and love.



    OP big hugs. I'm no expert on marriage but from what I've heard, many marriages go through a bit of a 'friends' phase. I hope it's just temporary and he comes around.

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    GluttonForPunishment  (25-01-2012)

  12. #38
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    That was very well put GFP. Its hard not to think it is something I could have done or changed. But I'm not a mind reader! Grrr why can men be so dense sometimes!! Not talking about you GFP.

  13. #39
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    How's everything going Punky?


    You'll have to excuse the iPhone auto correct. It sax!

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    Thanks for asking. Things aren't going well. I am giving DH a couple of weeks to think about what he is doing and what he wants. Maybe he doesn't deserve this but I can help but feel there is more to it. Surely you don't throw away a long term relationship, a family, a child, in the space of month.

    I'm not coping well though. I am staying with family do have that support, but everyone is just so shocked by this. His own mother can't even understand. They all want to help but don't know how.

    I think I'm going to give him 2 more weeks and if by then he hasn't come to his senses and wants to try to work on his feelings I am going to make the tough decision to move on. I just can't give up on him yet.


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