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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Nov 2011

    Default Lost baby due to ectopic pergnancy:( Do i need a councillor?

    Hi All,
    It has been a while since I had written anything here. I am on recovery from surgery for an ectopic pregnancy. I had surgery on the 18th of December 2011. I really don't know why it happened, Apparently I was around 4 weeks. I am not sure if I need to speak to any one about what happened. When I go to sleep I am dreaming that I am pregnant and am Pregnant with twins. I have pregnancy dreams it seems as soon as a I fall asleep. I am not sleeping until around 5am, I figure I stay up all night sleep most of the day I don't have to really see any one i live with. I see pictures of babies or kids and make me start wondering of what could have been. I want to try again but scared too.
    Not sure If I need to speak to any one but have quiet a few questions in my mind about it but I know will probably never get answered. Thing is my doctor never picked up of it possibly being an ectopic pregnancy, from day one was negative about it and said i probably lost it, as did a scan the day i found out without ordering a blood test,and as couldn't find nothing suggested i had m/c. I was told i should put in a complaint about my doctor, for her attitude towards me. Anyways, I had a bit of a cry the day i came out of surgery and husband took me home. since then I have not cried, but have apparently been quiet. not really talking to any one. Has this happened to anyone here and how have they handled it. Have they been able to move past it and had a family. The hospital threw me out a few days later sent me home with medication to take. i was told i would see the hospital nun or priest but they never came around, hospital never suggested fro me to see any one.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Sydney, Australia
    It doesn't hurt to talk about things and it might make you able to sleep a bit better as you have an outlet outside the relationship to talk about how you are feeling. I haven't had an ectopic but have had a m/c so can't speak from the experience point of view. See your gp for a referral to a councillor - they should be able to recommend someone who has dealt with your situation and has the experience to help you process it all. Big hugs to you. I hope you find some peace soon.

    Sent from my iPad so pardon the errors!

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Big hugs to you. What an awful thing to happen and worse yet over Christmas. I had an ectopic many years ago and recently had a miscarriage. I don't know exactly how you feel but I have some idea from my own experiences. I completely unravelled when I had an ectopic and wished that I had gone to some therapy. Recently having a miscarriage I have talked and it's the best thing. It's still pretty recent for you and very raw I imagine. Don't expect too much from yourself, it's a very traumatic experience. As for speaking with someone, like a psychologist or counsellor.... I think only good can come from that. It's not going to hurt. I was really nervous and apprehensive when I sought therapy a few years ago but I really enjoyed it and it was so helpful. In total I probably went for about six months and it was really good being able to talk through stuff. Remember they are trained to help you sort out stuff that goes through your head. (you can also get Medicare rebates for psychologist by getting a referral from your GP which makes it really affordable, even if you have PHI).
    Anyway, this has become quite long, sorry.... I hope you heal a bit each day. Take it easy on yourself. Big big hugs.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Hi Is23,

    I am so sorry you've had to go through this and especially at this time of year.

    Everything you are feeling is natural. I suffered an ectopic recently and had my right tube removed on 21 August 2011. After spending the majority of a week at the hospital undergoing every test under the sun, I was just 5 weeks when I finally went into surgery. It took me a long time to deal with the emotion of an ectopic and i am sorry to say but i dont think it is something that can be rushed. It's important to realise and understand that an ectopic is not a miscarriage, nature didn't terminate the pregnancy but there was human intervention to save your life. Ultimately it was your life at risk; however, I know all too well that it doesn't make the situation any easier to come to terms with. A lot of horrible thoughts went through my mind in the weeks past the surgery, things that are hard to come to terms with. First and foremost was why... Why they couldn't save the baby as what we saw they were healthy and growing, just in the wrong place. Then came the daunting statistics of it happening again, the reduced possibility of conceiving again and all that while dealing with the excruciating pain associated with the surgery.

    Is23, I am happy to report we are now 5w4d pregnant!!! We have kept the news to ourselves as we are due to have an early 6 week ultrasound on Thursday to rule out another ectopic, but so far so good. There has been no spotting or pain

    I will be completely honest with you, I did find it hard being intimate with my partner the first couple of months after the surgery as i had mixed feelings. There was a little pain but I wasn't emotionally in the right place. We waited the recommended 3 months before trying again and all happened naturally on my second cycle and I am so glad we did. I needed that time to heal both physically and emotionally.

    I promise you, it gets easier to accept and understand that nothing you or anyone else could have done to changed the outcome. I don't think I will ever be able to stop wondering what could have been but it's made this belly baby all the more special.

    Stay strong and talk someone, preferably someone who is trained in this type of loss. Big hugs to you and your husband

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    SE Qld
    Hi Is23, I am very sorry for your loss. I have been through an ectopic and know how confusing it can be and for me, the guilt of feeling I had killed my baby. I think you need to do whatever feels right for you. I had some close people I could talk to about it and that was enough for me; plus also I was extremely lucky to fall pregnant on the second cycle after I had the surgery. I found that significant dates were hard for me (e.g. when I should have been 12 weeks pregnant - I think I was around 9 weeks when I had the surgery). I felt a bit sad in October when it would have been the baby's due date but by that time it wasn't raw and horrible and I could think about it without getting upset.

    I'm sorry to hear that your doctor's attitude was hurtful. I was seeing my lovely fertility doctor at the time that mine happened (it was a result of IVF) and even he didn't pick up on it as nothing showed on scans, but I kept spotting and my HCG kept rising and I started getting sicker. So sometimes unfortunately it is hard for doctors to spot them even if they do all the investigations.

    Something we did which I found helpful was plant a tree as a memorial to the baby - only my husband and I know about it but I found it helped. It sounds to me like some counselling may be helpful for you. Please talk to your husband about how you are feeling too - men are wired so differently and they just simply don't understand unless you tell them.


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