I still can't believe this happened. She cornered me and started screaming at me out of nowhere because I failed to say 'thank you' when she walked in the door with a cake (DD was laying on the floor kicking the wall having a mega tantrum I had been trying to diffuse for about 15 minutes), because I didn't 'appreciate' the teddy bear she bought for DS ( I opened the bag and said it was lovely, he would love it, he needs to stuffed teddies, etc) and because I invited her over but didn't make her lunch (I began to cut everything up for sandwiches but again, I was dealing with DD and when I was distracted and attending to her mum took over everything!!). She stood over me, yelling in my face that I am the worst person in the world and that she will never help me with anything or buy anything for my children - who hate her anyway - ever again.
Oh, and before this, while DD was in her room crying as I was attempting to make lunch, mum marched in there and started screaming (not speaking firmly, full blown scary-do-what-i-say voice) at her to be quiet, stop crying and get dressed or daddy was going to be very, very angry with her while I hear her boyfriend next to her muttering 'why don't they just smack her? she needs to be smacked'. I Was then subjected to a lecture about the correct way to raise my children, including that it is inappropriate to let them run around the house naked on a 36 degree day.
I said, go then, mum. Seriously, just go. I don't want this behavior in front of my kids and you were out of line yelling at DD. Got told I was breaking her heart and ruining her life as she stormed out the door.
She's always been like this. In fact a breakdown like this was long overdue. But my father and brother aren't around anymore so I guess I'm the only target left. She just used me not thanking her over a cake as a spring board for all her other issues with me she's obviously been bottling up, to accuse me of purposefully making her feel sick with guilt about living too far away to babysit the kids, of not loving her because I don't answer the phone 12 of the 15 times she calls me a day to whinge about her boyfriend and his daughters, of not caring about her because when I finally sat down to eat my lunch after dealing with two hot and bothered kids all morning I was relishing some silence rather than chatting about their night, of disrespecting her because my parenting techniques are polar opposite to hers and I don't 'do' what she says so of course my kids will always misbehave and will be even worse in the future.
And the only way to fix this situation is for me to call her and reassure her over and over that she's right and I'm wrong and diffuse her anxiety and apologise for how badly I treated her.
I've been doing this sh!t over and over since I was 11 years old.
I'm so over it.
Her issues aren't just her issues, they're my problem and my job to fix, they always have been and they always will be, and I've put up with it for so long because she's the only family I have left.
*sigh* I don't really know why I'm posting this, just need to vent it all out I guess. Maybe some tips on where to go from here would be good. My head is too muddled up and I'm too exhausted to think straight