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  1. #441
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    Hey everyone,
    Just wanted to say thanx so much for all your kind words and hope for me. I honestly dont know where i would be without you all.

    "WARNING NEGATIVE RANT"
    Im really down tonight, just finished work and txt Mum and told her it seems to be a negative, she wrote "Im Sorry", dont ask me why but that upset me, i dont want people to feel sorry for me and when they get all excited that its gonna work, it just makes me angry. I just feel they have no idea what the process involves and the fact it may not happen. I know thats horrible to write but it might not. I find it hard to watch them try and get me to get excitied when i know what this is gonna take and that i could be spending years very dissapointed.

    Of course im gonna keep going but i know how stupid this sounds, i really wanna be alone all the time, i feel the only thing i want to do, is go to work, do watever i have to do at doctors and then come home, i find it harder and more emotionally taxing to be around anyone that knows wats going on, they look at me differently.

    I cant believe how i feel tonight, ive honestly felt really at peace with it, not one tear and all of a sudden im doubting this will ever happen for me, im a wreak, balling my eyes out and all.
    .

    I just wrote my Mum a horrible msg telling her she has to be realistic this may never happen and that this seems to be the luck of the drawer and maybe im not lucky. She hasnt wrote back, cause honestly wat could u write back to that, i dont mean to hurt her at all but with DH interstate, i suppose its hard living alone and doing this alone.


    Sorry to be such a downer but seems easier to write it all down.

    Goodluck to everyonelse, whrever u are all at, so sorry to be all about me

  2. #442
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    Hubba, I feel so sorry for how you feel tonight. I am not sure what to say, but the sun will come up tomorrow, and hopefully it will be a better day for you.

  3. #443
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    Hubba- it doesn't sound stupid at all, infact I think its totally normal to feel how you do! Your mum will always be ur mum so I'm sure she will understand.
    Go out and have some me time.
    Sending you hugs xo

    Sent from my HTC Incredible S using BubHub

  4. #444
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    Thanx Bonbon and Tigerqueen, i know the sun will come up and its a new day tomoz, i just so wish i didnt feel like this, i hate being emotional.

    I suppose im just terrified that all ive ever dreamt about is being a Mum and life might be so cruel and not give me that

    Im sure i will feel better tomoz

  5. #445
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    Hubba, i totally understand how you feel. I don't think you should be so hard on yourself. I'm the same, one minute i'm really positive, the next one thing will happen, and I burst into tears and just think its never going to happen and its all hopeless.

    When people know that you are doing IVF it can be tough, because then you have to explain to them when it doesn't work. People sometimes don't know what to say, and they want to try and be positive for you, but they can never totally understand. As bonbon said, it's your mum, she will understand. She probably knows how hard this all is for you.

    It's hard to have your partner away, mine is away for weeks at a time as well. It's good in one way because you sort of have control over all the IVF stuff yourself and can just come home and be by yourself when you aren't feeling good but it's also hard when you're having a bad day and just need a cuddle. You want to try and stay positive, but you just can't every day. I really feel like its a roller coaster, good days and bad days. I find if i make sure i take the dog for a walk every night, no matter how much i might want to stay home and mope, i always feel a bit better afterwards. Maybe you could try and get out do something you really enjoy, to take your mind of it? It's so easy to let IVF take over your whole life!

    Hope you feel better tommorrow.

  6. #446
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    Hubba - your right - it sucks - to go through so much without any real guarantee of success and with so much at stake. I know what you mean about finding it easier to distance yourself from people - hard enough to deal with our own emotions, much less other people expectations. We haven't told any family we're doing IVF this time round for that reason. Take some time for yourself to heal. Feel free to rant as much as you need to.

    Good luck to all the ETer's tomorrow - Littlefeet, Hope, and Leafy. Fingers crossed for sticky ones.

    Disney - also sending luck your way for your BT tomorrow. You've done so many HPT's - hope that tomorrow gives you that decisive BFP. The TWW can really do your head in, can't it?

  7. #447
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    Quote Originally Posted by Leafy View Post

    jaseandalyson - I'm just at 600iu. That jab must take forever to go in, how is it going?
    Hey Leafy,

    Yes 600iu of puregon has been tricky as the pen can only be dosed up to 450. So I have to break it down into 2 x 300iu, than still do my orgalutran aswell.

    Fingers crossed I get some decent results this morning at my scan.

  8. #448
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    Good luck Little feet, leafy and hope with ET today.

    I am in the car on the way to my ET now too have taken a day off work so I can relax in the hammock read chill and not worry about anything.

    Hi to everyone have to run

  9. #449
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    Megs72, Clementine, thankyou, its so true wat u goys say, u cant deal with anyone else emotions let alone your own lol, i feel this is gonna be my motto lmao.

    I def feel better this morning, it is what it is, hopefully with a new doctor and some more answers it will be a fresh start. Totally get what u mean about DH being away, most of the time its a blessing but when he comes home, they dont get it cause they havent been through it all with you. My DH is outback W.A and we dont even have phone reception so no talking for 3 wks at a time but its ok, im strong, i can do this, i just dont want to lol

    Going for BT in halfa so will maybe know more by just after lunch today.

    Hope evryones ETs go FANBLOODYTASTIC today


    Goodluck Disney, i have everything crossed for you today

  10. #450
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    Hi ladies I have 1 8 cell blasty onboard :-) and 2 x 8 cell frozen

    They are absolutely thrilled with the quality and grade. Yay good luck leafy hope and little feet thinking of everyone x


 

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