Just wanted to say thanx so much for all your kind words and hope for me. I honestly dont know where i would be without you all.
"WARNING NEGATIVE RANT"
Im really down tonight, just finished work and txt Mum and told her it seems to be a negative, she wrote "Im Sorry", dont ask me why but that upset me, i dont want people to feel sorry for me and when they get all excited that its gonna work, it just makes me angry. I just feel they have no idea what the process involves and the fact it may not happen. I know thats horrible to write but it might not. I find it hard to watch them try and get me to get excitied when i know what this is gonna take and that i could be spending years very dissapointed.
Of course im gonna keep going but i know how stupid this sounds, i really wanna be alone all the time, i feel the only thing i want to do, is go to work, do watever i have to do at doctors and then come home, i find it harder and more emotionally taxing to be around anyone that knows wats going on, they look at me differently.
I cant believe how i feel tonight, ive honestly felt really at peace with it, not one tear and all of a sudden im doubting this will ever happen for me, im a wreak, balling my eyes out and all.
I just wrote my Mum a horrible msg telling her she has to be realistic this may never happen and that this seems to be the luck of the drawer and maybe im not lucky. She hasnt wrote back, cause honestly wat could u write back to that, i dont mean to hurt her at all but with DH interstate, i suppose its hard living alone and doing this alone.
Sorry to be such a downer but seems easier to write it all down.
Goodluck to everyonelse, whrever u are all at, so sorry to be all about me