It's the holding on to it that's hard. One of these sites recommended I start a diary and after last night I thought it might be a good idea to get some of my anxiety out in print so to speak. I am 9 weeks 6 days pregnant and after losing my last baby at 9 weeks 2 days this week has been hell on skates anyway but the last thing I expected was to start bleeding because everything else was progressing as usual. I had the nausea and my boobs were still sore. The bloating came on as usual and the exhaustion forced me to take a nanna nap. Nothing out of the ordinary. So my partner and I head off to friends to welcome in the new year. Two hours later we head home in a rush because I start bleeding. We enter the emergency room at Casey hospital in a panic only to be told of course that there is really nothing that they can do this early on. Don't get me wrong. The staff at the hospital were absolutely brilliant. They were all extremely compassionate and caring and although the doctor was practical he was also incredibly sympathetic and went out of his way to provide us with information. I just wish that there was some manual that came with this pregnancy. You know something that said - at 'x' weeks you will have 'such and such'. Something that can prepare you so that you don't have to experience this blinding panic when you see bright red blood on the toilet paper. My fiancé is wonderful but the attachment hasn't begun for him yet. He hasn't felt the nausea and twinges nor has he really started to build bonds. It must be hard for the male because as the mother the bond building is immediate. As soon as we know we're pregnant that's it for us. The attachment begins. So anyway, it's bed rest for me for a couple of days and I am now waiting to see if this little one is going to stick around for the full nine months or if there is a higher plan for him or her. I don't mind the bed rest bit it's the waiting game I can't stand. I'm a Scorpio. We're not known for our patience and being the new year (it was wonderful to see the new year in lying on a bed in the emergency room) everything is closed until Tuesday. I have to hope for the best until then when I can have my hcg levels tested again and get an ultrasound done. Like I said. The getting pregnant is the easy bit (at least it is for me) it's the hanging on to the little jellybean that's the hardest bit. Happy New Year everyone. Thanks for letting me vent.
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