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  1. #31
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    Question .... Why, now my fiancé and I are engaged does my Mother in law still introduce me as "the girlfriend" and not the fiancé

  2. #32
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    I never got a chance to met my MIL. She passed before I met DH.

    SMIL is lovely, and there is no power struggle at all obviously as DH is not her child and she's only known him a little bit longer than I have.

    But I am always amazed at how some MIL's are. I've had nice and really really horrible ones with previous partners, and just hope that I remember all the crap that one especially put me through when it's my turn to be a MIL.

    I don't ever want to put my kids in the position of having to choose. No one really wins and I want to be a part of their lives, not someone they avoid!

  3. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jessandmeltrappel View Post
    Question .... Why, now my fiancé and I are engaged does my Mother in law still introduce me as "the girlfriend" and not the fiancé
    Haha well I've been engaged for over 6 years, we have a Dd and another on the way and MIL still introduces me as his 'friend' lol


    Me and he = DD 18 months and belly bub ( May2012)

  4. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by CatnSummah View Post
    Haha well I've been engaged for over 6 years, we have a Dd and another on the way and MIL still introduces me as his 'friend' lol


    Me and he = DD 18 months and belly bub ( May2012)
    **** ...... God. What do u do about it. My mother in law introduced me about 4 times today as the girlfriend and it nearly had me in tears.... I thought about confronting my partner about it but I didn't know. .... Do u bring it up or leave it. Help me.

  5. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jessandmeltrappel View Post
    **** ...... God. What do u do about it. My mother in law introduced me about 4 times today as the girlfriend and it nearly had me in tears.... I thought about confronting my partner about it but I didn't know. .... Do u bring it up or leave it. Help me.
    if you are close to tears please bring it up before it grows into an even bigger issue or triggers other issues

  6. #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by peekaboomummy View Post
    if you are close to tears please bring it up before it grows into an even bigger issue or triggers other issues
    I agree. Next time gently correct her and say something like "actually we're engaged" and hopefully she will get the message.

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  8. #37
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    I don't have a relationship with my MIL, because of all the hurtful things she has said in the passed - directly to me, to her son, in emails, letters, texts (you get the picture!)

    Her and her now ex husband immigrated from India 22 years ago, with their three sons. Her eldest took his own life 2 years after I fell madly in love with the middle son.

    From the word 'go' I was referred to as the "ghoul friend", when her eldest son died, it was my fault.... and now that I've had her first grandchild (he's 14 months now) she claims that only she can care for him properly and I am to hand him over to her. .... err yeh ok

    Unfortunately, in our situation, time has not helped either ... hubby and I have been together for 13 years (married for 8) and it's still as bad as it was when she first found out about us being together.

    in 13 weeks her 1st granddaughter will enter this world and her own son has made the choice not to tell her we are even pregnant again ...........

    I feel sorry for the woman, but not enough to go behind my husband's back, nor to make an effort for someone who thinks Australia and it's people are beneath her.

  9. #38
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    My MIL isn't too bad. She can get really frustrating, trying to tell us how to do things, and carrying on about it, and how to raise the kids, but as far as I know has never said anything bad about me to DH.
    The worst thing is that DH does everything for her. And I mean everything! If their gardening needs doing, he's the one mowing hte lawns, moving logs etc. It really p!sses me off, esp seeing as he's one of 4 boys. Everyone else has "their own family", or they're "busy", or the 17 yr olds are "Too young to move furniture".

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    I think the major issue with my MIL is she raised her babies one way and I'm raising mine another. And while DF certainly has input he has largely given me the reins for the child rearing side of things. So it causes my MIL quite a lot of stress for my babies health and safety that I don't do things how she did. And I find it outright insulting and pretty annoying being told what I'm doing isn't just wrong - its dangerous. (specifically extended breast feeding)

    I think also we just have some polar opposite values which makes life interesting some times.

    I think the main issue is she thinks her role, right and responsibility is to teach me how to be a good wife and mother. :-/ *sigh*

  11. #40
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    There was a big power struggle of sorts when DH and I first met. All on her part though, I just ignored it as it was SO stupid.

    DH and I were together 6 months before we went out for dinner because his mother demanded he be home every single night for dinner. Even then he lied to her and told her he was with a work mate and would be late from work and he'd grab his own dinner!

    Both his parents would threaten DH (I won't go into it here) with nasty, nasty stuff if he didn't do as they said. DH is the sweetest, most sensitive guy you will ever meet, he does things he hates just to please others or avoid confrontation...we were together 3 years before he admitted he hates mash, he'd eat it so he didn't offend me! They used that against him SO often..it was just cruel.

    He made the choice to cut them out because he couldn't stand their constant demands to leave me and say about me, or the awful things they would do to him for not listening.
    After I while I suggested he see them,they are his parents after all, it took him almost 12 months to do it.
    I refuse to have anything to do with them ever again. They have done way too much for me to ever forgive, but I think its important for DH to see them for as long as they can behave like decent human beings toward him.

    I'll admit it goes against everything I want to have him see them..but what I want and whats right are 2 separate issues! I struggle every time he goes there.. I get so upset that he can walk out the door and suddenly we no longer exist, but thats my anger to bear and don't say anything to him.


 

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