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    Zombie_eyes's Avatar
    Zombie_eyes is offline Formerly Diamondeyes
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    Default power struggle wife vs mil

    is there a power struggling in your dil/mil relationship?

    do you instantly have a problem with what your mil does/says regarding your husband/relationship/children?

    why is it this way? is it the mil refusing to let go of the control she had over her son? is it a natural type of thing? someone wanting to be the alpha etc?

    hmm

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    I've seen and heard some awful clashes b/w MIL/DIL and the only good thing my exMIL ever did was to be so awful that I won a radio contest retelling about our hate/hate relationship LOL

    MOTH's mother is an amazing woman - I love her to bits and respect her deeply. We get along so well she came to DD's birth as a support person.

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    I get irritated when my MIL infers that I'm not as good at looking after her son as I am. Or when she goes on and on about him as if she's the only one who knows him - but she talks about how he was when he was 6 as if that's exactly how he is today. I'm sure some of him remains the same (his stubborness), but he's still grown up a lot since then!

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    Last edited by Atlantic Puffin; 02-01-2012 at 09:21.

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    I love her, but I freakin' hated her at times. I'm fairly certain she feels exactly the same way about me.

    I have to keep coming back to the thing we have in common, even after nearly fifteen years - we both love the same man. She was his mother and I'm his wife - respect.

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    MIL and I get on very well. We are on the same level, and have a mutual understanding of each other etc. I'm very lucky to have an awesome MIL that I am close to.

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    I love my mil to bits however we have struggles and I don't think she is fully aware of my feelings about it.

    When we first met she didn't approve of me, and found me to be a bad influence on her son I won't say I've changed him or anything but the growth he has had since we have been together (12 years) is amazing and all for the better

    She struggled with me moving in and our decision to marry young. We ended up having a huge fight two week before the wedding and one again a few months later, on the eve we moved out.

    I feel they judge us a lot and we choose not to tell them a lot of things. They didn't know we were TTC or having fertility issues or seeing a fs for five years until we started doing iui. They don't know we are planing a "large" family

    Since dd was born when we visit I feel there is a constant power struggle. I'm her mother and prefer to mother her I don't care she is clingy to me or wants to sit on my lap while we eat. Mil always tries to take over I get it that she is trying to give me time out but dd doesn't act like that at home so it's not like I'm exhausted by it

    I don't like how mil is so full on with the relationship with sil and dd it's almost like they wish dd was sils. There is tones of framed photos of sil with dd throughout the house and if you were an outsider you'd probably think she was mum.

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    do you think it might be that the wife has her own mother(in some cases), was raised a certain way with that mother figure, and usually the mil is a different kettle of fish...so there's never really that close bond there?

    as my sister put it when her husband said to her "i want u to have to be close with my mum, and have a good mother/daughter relationship" she said "i have my own mother for that"

    i must admit my first reaction to hearing how mil is trying to control something in our lives yet again is to get my back up about it. lol...i see it as an insult like we cant be trusted as adults to live our lives properly or something?

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    SpecialPatrolGroup's Avatar
    SpecialPatrolGroup is offline T-rex is cranky until she gets her coffee.
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    My MIL is a bit odd - I often have to defend her own son to her, and she possibly thinks that he doesn't deserve me. She seems to think that I was raised by a quaint, homely woman who had no thoughts of her own (and as my mum has passed away she will not get to meet her to change this opinion and nothing I say will). My MIL has said many times that I am an excellent mother but when she gives me newspaper clippings about parenting etc, I can 't help but feel that she is having a bit of a shot at me.

    DE - I have known many women who seem to regard their husbands families as inferior to their own and seem to pull very much away from their husbands families, which I think is very sad and I think it is possibly for the reasons that you mentioned - they are more inclined to parent the way they know so sticking closer to their own family is probably easier....or something. But there is more than one way to skin a cat.

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    Quote Originally Posted by SpecialPatrolGroup View Post

    DE - I have known many women who seem to regard their husbands families as inferior to their own and seem to pull very much away from their husbands families, which I think is very sad and I think it is possibly for the reasons that you mentioned - they are more inclined to parent the way they know so sticking closer to their own family is probably easier....or something. But there is more than one way to skin a cat.
    ^ That is so true of some DILs I know of.


 

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