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  1. #1
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    Default Another in-laws vent!!

    I love my in-laws! Probably because they live in the uk and we see them once or twice a year BUT.... They are out visiting at the moment and I'm so annoyed at dh.Before they came out, dh and I agreed that dd (14 months) would not be left with them to babysit as she doesn't know them well enough etc etc. anyways, yesterday I overhear dh agreeing to leave her with them for a day so he and I can go out for the day. I was so annoyed. Am I being unreasonable? Dd is still breastfed, not a good sleeper and is vey much a mummy's girl at the moment, not to mention she doesn't know them!! I said to dh I know it's sad but the fact is our dd comes first and I don't care if their feelings are hurt. I don't want my dd to be upset!! Am I being too protective? Just add that dd goes to daycare but has only been doing this for a few months so it's not the fact that I don't want to leave her, it's just that I won't have a good time if I'm worrying about her!! Tell me straight - am I being too protective??

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    Last edited by Atlantic Puffin; 02-01-2012 at 09:23.

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    My mum had met DS once before I left him with her for a whole morning while I had his sister.

    I'd maybe compromise on the length of time.

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    Maybe just a few hours? I am sure DD will be fine but I probably would feel the same and only do a 3 hour stint at this stage.

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    I agree a whole day is too much to ask of both you and your DD. What is she normally like around them? Either way they are strangers to your little girl.

    If it were me given enough notice i would have taken her to see them a few days in a row with me present so that she gets to know them a little more before just leaving her there for any amount of time.

    I get your DH feels ok about it because they are family but your DD doesn't know that fully she is too young.

    You are her mother and you know whats best for her so don't let anyone tell you any different If you are going to worry about her all day then there's little point in going out anyway. I don't think you should be forced to let go. And i think it's pretty crumby that your DH arranged this with full knowledge that you didn't want to.

    Time alone is great but i think it would have been wiser for him to really discuss the arrangments with you first considering how important it is to you, i doubt this is a secret to him. Could he have asked a family member who she knows her better to baby sit at least?

    Don't feel strange about being attached to your little one and not wanting to leave her for an entire day just yet. It's pretty normal, i would be exactly the same in your situation
    Last edited by laurea; 30-12-2011 at 14:29.

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    Gothel  (30-12-2011)

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    What laurea said! ^^^

    I would maybe try it for an hour and see how they get on together and then take it from there. But then again i have no-one to take the girls so I would love the opportunity to go to lunch with DH.

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    You don't know she's going to be upset - she might be perfectly fine with it.

    I'd go out for a few hours - not too far away - so that if you need to come back, you can. Even if she puts on a bit of a song and dance when you leave, once you're actually gone she could be fine as well.

    I think it'd be a lovely experience for them, so I'd grant them that... and go out and enjoy a nice lunch or movie with your partner or something.

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    I agree with doing it but limiting the time. A whole day is a big ask when you are not comfortable, and your DH should have discussed it with you first! Especially when you already had an agreement in place that it would not be happening!

    Go for breakfast, lunch or dinner, or whatever really! You know your DD better than anyone, so choose a time when she is fed and happy and you know she will be OK for a couple of hours.

    But if you are not comfortable with doing that, then I wouldn't. If you are going to be stressed and resent your DH, it's not worth it.


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    laurea  (30-12-2011)

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    All points taken!!! Thanks for giving me more to points of view to think about!! They are great with her and she loves them when I'm around. I just worry about little things like - they don't know what her cries mean, they don't know her sleep routine or tired signs, they aren't around babies at all so are out of practice! Things like that which I am probably overreacting about!! I feel horrible cos they live so far away but I just couldn't spend the whole day away from her knowing she would be wanting her mummy. I'm sure she would be absolutely fine until she was either hungry or tired! Maybe I just need to let go a bit. I was just so annoyed that dh organised it without me and now I have to be the overreactive, overprotective first time mother and say no!!
    They've only been here for a few days so perhaps I'll feel different once she gets to know them more! Thanks so much for the replies!

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