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  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bell & Bug View Post
    My sister has an ABI as a result of a car accident when she was a little baby. Half her brain died as a result of the car accident. She wasn't expected to live, but she did. She wasn't expected to walk or talk, but she does. She truly is a miracle.
    I don't know exactly what parts of her brain are affected, but she is delayed for her age. She doesn't speak clearly, but she can talk, she just holds back. She just graduated from high school this year
    She also has epilepsy as a result, which is managed with medication.
    she has certainly beaten the odds hasnt she! your parents must be so proud of her i was told at the hospital that a lot of recovery and progress made comes down to each individual persons will to get through the situation. that if they can't push themselves and find the willpower that their recovery will suffer.
    DH was on epilepsy medication for a while, but it seemed to do more harm than good and hasnt had any fits since going off it.

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    mrstuilawa- I know. Although if that *man* had of been sentenced to jail forever it still wouldn't have been enough for me. How are you regarding it all- are you angry over it? What happened to your DH's attackers?

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    Rabbity, not quoting but I'm local and I remember the news story and I am so so sorry ...your brother was only a yr older than my son, what a terrible terrible thing to experience

    OP lots of hugs to you..and as always to Vee

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    Quote Originally Posted by Rabbity Babbity View Post
    mrstuilawa- I know. Although if that *man* had of been sentenced to jail forever it still wouldn't have been enough for me. How are you regarding it all- are you angry over it? What happened to your DH's attackers?
    i'm of the same opinion as you... a lifetime in jail doesnt make up for what he's done or how he's changed our lives. I try not to think about it too much, because it does make me really angry still. He hasnt been sentenced yet, the police have attempted to run the matter to trial twice now and the most recent time (which was a few weeks ago) he decided he's going to declare insanity and that he's not responsible for his actions. so now we have to wait for him to be mentally assessed, and go from there. He's so full of ****, he claimed that my DH called him a black c**t, but my husband being fijian is actually darker than him. i guess what makes me most mad is that when he is sentenced (positive thinking here!!) he will be given somewhere between 8 and 15 years. but after that he gets out and his life returns to normal. what he has done to DH has changed our lives forever, and the only thing that would make me feel better (as horrible as this is to say and please no one have a go at me, i'm still hurting over this situation) is if he were to get an ABI. that is the only way him and his family will ever know what they have done to us, and what our life is like now. if it was an accident i could cop it on the chin and deal with it, but he had my husband on the ground repeatedly smashing his head into the ground saying you're still awake. there's nothing accidental about that. the only saving grace at the moment is that he is in jail after being found guilty of another offence (indecent treatment of a child under 16 *shudder*)

    thanks biscotti

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    Quote Originally Posted by Rabbity Babbity View Post
    Serious, you're pretty amazing to be so supportive and dedicated.
    I appreciate the thoughts i guess you just have to do it, cause noone else will. I would not like him to walk away from me if i was diagnosed with cancer or something else, so i saw that i was committed to him till death do us part type thing, it's certainly not been easy and i think if i knew now what i didn't back then, would i have stayed with him. But it was a very traumatic and emotional time for all of us and i had to stand by him while he was going through so much. I feel terrible for your brother and what he's been through, and to think someone else did it to them, i'd never get over that, much love to you and your family xx

    Quote Originally Posted by Bell & Bug View Post
    My sister has an ABI as a result of a car accident when she was a little baby. Half her brain died as a result of the car accident. She wasn't expected to live, but she did. She wasn't expected to walk or talk, but she does. She truly is a miracle.
    I don't know exactly what parts of her brain are affected, but she is delayed for her age. She doesn't speak clearly, but she can talk, she just holds back. She just graduated from high school this year
    She also has epilepsy as a result, which is managed with medication.
    Oh gosh, that's terrible, a miracle indeed specially to have finished high school. Do you think she'll be able to work or study further?

    Quote Originally Posted by mrstuilawa View Post
    V8 your story and video made me cry, i can't believe everything you two have gone through and that you've stayed so positive. your DH looks like such a loving caring father too, and your boys are beautiful

    Rabbity i can't believe the guy who did that barely got a slap on the wrists!! especially to a 15 year old boy, that is so horrible frustration seems to be a common side effect of having an ABI, all we can do is support the ones we love through tough times.
    I try and be positive, but sometimes it really is difficult, you just can't help but throw your hands in the air and give up. I've been to several counsellors and psychologists and he's seen a neuropsych lately aswell for his anger and depression episodes which were getting really bad. ABIOS are really great, they've been checking in on us cause having another baby certainly creates more adjustments, he was ok apart from the fact i ended up with a ceaser and he got angry at me for not being able to do anything, i was in so much pain, many tears and angry moments in that short time that should have been happy, but once he got his head around it (still not much of idea) we just had to ride it out till i got better and then continued on like normal.

    Quote Originally Posted by biscotti View Post
    Rabbity, not quoting but I'm local and I remember the news story and I am so so sorry ...your brother was only a yr older than my son, what a terrible terrible thing to experience

    OP lots of hugs to you..and as always to Vee
    Thanks Biscotti xx

    Quote Originally Posted by mrstuilawa View Post
    i'm of the same opinion as you... a lifetime in jail doesnt make up for what he's done or how he's changed our lives. I try not to think about it too much, because it does make me really angry still. He hasnt been sentenced yet, the police have attempted to run the matter to trial twice now and the most recent time (which was a few weeks ago) he decided he's going to declare insanity and that he's not responsible for his actions. so now we have to wait for him to be mentally assessed, and go from there. He's so full of ****, he claimed that my DH called him a black c**t, but my husband being fijian is actually darker than him. i guess what makes me most mad is that when he is sentenced (positive thinking here!!) he will be given somewhere between 8 and 15 years. but after that he gets out and his life returns to normal. what he has done to DH has changed our lives forever, and the only thing that would make me feel better (as horrible as this is to say and please no one have a go at me, i'm still hurting over this situation) is if he were to get an ABI. that is the only way him and his family will ever know what they have done to us, and what our life is like now. if it was an accident i could cop it on the chin and deal with it, but he had my husband on the ground repeatedly smashing his head into the ground saying you're still awake. there's nothing accidental about that. the only saving grace at the moment is that he is in jail after being found guilty of another offence (indecent treatment of a child under 16 *shudder*)

    thanks biscotti
    That would be so hard knowing that someone else is responsible for doing this to your partner, it's just so unneccesary and as you said it changes the lives of the person and those around them forever. Unless you've been caring for someone with an ABI or have a fair amount of involvement in their life you really have no idea. I know even my DH's parents have no idea the extent to how bad he is or can be, they only see him a few times a year so have no idea what it's like 24/7 living with him. One time he lost his ipod, which he does a lot his mother had to lie down and take a valium cause she had a headache and was stressed from looking for it. She has no idea. It's frustrating as heck I hear ya.

  6. #26
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    i hear ya V8, i've had many friends/family say they don't know how i do it, they wouldnt be able to do it if they were in this situation, etc but you really don't know until you're in the situation. you do it because if you don't no one else will. and you do it because you love them. i still struggle when DH gets in his 'moods'. he says quite hurtful things because he doesnt think before he opens his mouth. and he likes to blame me or get angry at me for things that are out of my control. i've had a lot of people say things about how he's 'back to normal' and such, but he isnt, they don't have ot live with him and seeing him for a few hours or a day or two at a time gives absolutely no insight into what it is really like. i find my DH loses things all the time too, i think he's now lost his bank card 3 times in as many months. your DH's mum obviously has no idea what it is really like, i guess no one does unless they are dealing with it on an every day basis!
    my DH family don't really understand. they've never heard of an ABI and in fiji they are not really educated in mental health issues and such as well, so when he went back in october they noticed the change in his behaviour but didnt understand why. i had to explain to them that the damage from the assault was permanent, and while his behaviour and attitude may continue to improve, there is no guarantee. I think (and hope) he will be a lot better once i am there. i am usually the only one that knows how to calm him down and help him think a little more rationally.
    I actually had last night what i labelled an ABI breakthrough with him. I'm sure some of you ladies will understand the significance of this. since the accident he has been quite self centred, sees things in black and white, is unable to compromise or sacrifice anything. long story short, he is using his super to buy a boat for his brothers to run a business so we don't have to support them. for the past two weeks we've been fighting because he wants a boat that we simply don't have the money for. after many arguements, tears, attempts at compromise (on my behalf) he finally agreed last night to pick a boat that is within our budget and to not have unrealistic expectations. and he did this without a fight, without any harsh words or complaining. he did say (and it made me laugh) okay i'll buy a smaller boat, but you know in my heart i really want the bigger boat. i simply told him that if he bought the smaller boat and worked really hard he'd be able to save money to buy the bigger one. it seems like a small thing, but it's a massive accomplishment for him.

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    That is a big accomplishment really, he was able to see reason and thought behind it. They really can have a lack of impulse control which makes them see things as black and white as you said, it's basically their way or the highway. Very frustrating! It would be hard being in Fiji there definately isn't any support there (that i know of) it's hard enough to get support here for ABI. My DH is from the philippines and if his mum had her way she'd pack him up and move him over there with her, not a very smart move on her part, he'd send her to the loony bin. I'm surprised i don't drink or smoke due to the stress of dealing with a DH with a brain injury. How are you going to be able to get him back in Aus and get some help for him? Did he go to the PA hospital? Is he seeing any outpatient therapists there at all? I also definately recommend counselling, not just for you, but for him, for him to get the changes he'll experience in his own self and hopefully a third party can tell him straight up how difficult it is going to be for you to support him. I have tried to not let DH's brain injury stop me from doing what i want to do, specially with my kids, it's kinda good being the cheif decision maker in the family, but it can also be an overwhelming burden at times. But i have still accomplished things like finishing my degree in Social Science, we've been overseas twice after having kids, once to NZ and once to Fiji, the next trip i'm planning a few years away is to take the kids to Disneyland. We are very fortunate with what we have and i try to look at the positives rather than the negatives, but it does weigh you down at times. Speaking to others that 'get it' would definately be helpful.

  8. #28
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    oh he is definitely very impulsive!! i'm still so proud of him, feel like a doting mum or something
    i have a friend who is from the phillipines and her older sister has cerebal palsy (excuse my poor spelling) and from what she's told me it is very similar to fiji over there in that there is not much in the way of education or treatment for those with disabilities/brain injuries.
    He did rehab at the PA as an outpatient for a few months, he's supposed to still be going every 3 months but can't atm with being in fiji. he was offered very little in the way of counselling/support as there is not much he was eligible for because he wasnt a permanent resident. this was a constant source of frustration for me, that the australian government wouldnt help him when he was here legally and it was an australian citizen that put him in this situation. victims assist havegiven him funding for a psychiatrist but that's more to deal with the side effects of being assaulted (nightmares, fear of going out alone, etc) than an ABI.
    you have accomplished soooo much given your situation, you should be so SO proud of yourself. i only hope that over the next few years i can achieve even half of what you have done! it's always good to try and focus on the positives, but i do still have some "why me" days. they are few and far between though!

    once DH visa is sorted i would love to get into working for immigration. Whilst DH was still here and we were trying to sort out his visa he had a lovely dispute resolutions officer who totally inspired me to want to help other people in situations similar to ours

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    The best option for you is to try out the relevant expertise hospital or doctor rather posing such questions here in such forums. Try out the searches over places like Google to end up finding the right person for this issue.

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    This is a really old thread I'm not sure what you hoped to achieve by posting here?

    Sent from my HTC One X using The Bub Hub mobile app

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