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  1. #11
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    My question is do you want her there? And I don't mean just accepting she will show up invited or not, but do you want her there?

    Either way, I would say something like:

    "I'm sorry sis, but I was really embarrassed that you only bought a tiny potato salad to share. You have a family of 6, and it's really not fair for my Inlaws to have to cover food for your family."

    and then if you don't want her there in future, add something like:

    "My MIL and I were pretty upset and I feel you are taking advantage of their kindness in allowing you to come, so I'm sorry, but you will have to find other plans for Christmas from now on."

    If you do want her there, or are going to accept she will just come anyway, then add something like:

    "So if you plan on coming to my Inlaws family Christmas, I expect you to pull your weight and provide the same amount of food as everyone else does. I don't want to be embarrassed again next year and have my MIL upset again"

    I understand where you are coming from. One of my sisters is a family of 6 and she used to give everyone else huge lists of things to bring, and do very little herself. When I was just one person and she gave me a list of about $100 worth of food and nibbles, I cracked the sh!ts and refused to do it. Another year she gave us a big list (it always had to be at her place as was convenient for her and Mum let her get away with it) so that my Gran wouldn't have to do anything, so I accepted that as Granny was getting on. Then Gran turned up with a full esky while sister had done nothing! I let rip at her that year as was so angry!

    Which I why I love spending Christmas with my IL's. So much easier and nicer, and everyone does their fair share and it's just so much more relaxing.

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  3. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Witwicky View Post
    Instead of side-stepping etc I would actually just come straight out and tell her that it wasn't fair. Honestly, that's a really ****ty contribution and it's incredibly unfair on your DH's family.

    Can I just ask though - are your parents around? Do you have other family? It seems like her little family has no-one to spend Christmas with
    This is what I'd do! & also wonder if there is some other family they could go to for Xmas - what about her DH's family?

  4. #13
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    I think honesty would be the best approach, perhaps mention that you have already explained she isn't invited and if she is going to be rude and show up she could atleast contribute appropriately the same as everyone else does. It seems that by trying to spare her feelings last time you spoke on the topic she didn't get the message and you now have uninvited guests showing up every year maybe blunt is a better approach to take and you can offer an apology as you dont mean to cause distress but you're really not sure how else to raise the topic and get through to her?

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  6. #14
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    id be embarressed too if i were you. inviting herself to your in-laws for xmas really baffles me.

    for our family xmas my mum and her sisters do all the cooking (their choosing they want to) so all the young families put in $50 and that gets distributed to the cooks to help cover their costs.
    we all have to bring our own esky with drinks and ice etc.

  7. #15
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    Either make it super clear she not invited as next year they are only having their own children.

    or
    Give a complete list of exactly what to buy. Eg 3 kg of banana prawn and 2 crabs. 2kgs of potato salad and 2 kgs of coleslaw and 25 bread rolls etc....
    Make it very clear about the size that she has to buy and where to get from.


 

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