+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 15
  1. #1
    AndrewTheEmu is offline Bubhub Ambassador - tongue in cheek
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Posts
    2,895
    Thanks
    252
    Thanked
    399
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts

    Default .

    First post removed by user.
    Thread: 439426
    Last edited by BH-tech; 25-02-2016 at 10:35. Reason: privacy

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Posts
    22,850
    Thanks
    6,202
    Thanked
    16,897
    Reviews
    10
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 postsDiamond Star - 20,000 posts
    Awards:
    Bubhub Blogger - Thanks100 Posts in a week
    I don't think she necessarily needs to put in as much effort, some people just aren't into cooking and don't see the point of cooking a dish for 2 hours when it can be bought... I'll add I am a cook so this isn't me

    Having said that, it's really the portion size she is bringing that is unfair. She can't expect to bring 2 adults and 4 kids and bring enough potato salad for 2 adults Maybe she can bring the coleslaw in those huge tubs from woolies? Or a made 20 serve pavlova base and she can just dress it at your IL's house? I would be saying she can buy it, but it needs to cover the guests.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Posts
    10,618
    Thanks
    905
    Thanked
    1,482
    Reviews
    19
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Yes, i think it is very rude.
    Maybe you could include her in your food prep? Maybe next year you could invite her to spend a day with you helping make some dishes and in the process teach her a few things she could make - or give her a 'dish' to make also and really kind spell it out that it should be homemade and a decent serving (or at least a decent serving - i don't think it matters as much to be homemade, not everyone is good at cooking). For example say 'You can make the potato salad, we need enough for everybody so if you buy x amount of potatoes it should make enough'. ?
    It isn't fair that she isn't contributing fairly imo.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    14,057
    Thanks
    1,875
    Thanked
    2,608
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    I've learnt that you have to be straight forward in these situations. She didn't listen when you hinted at it 4 or so years ago, so I think you need to be a bit more forward.
    Tell her the truth "I'm sorry, but you aren't invited".
    Or if she is invited, find some recipes for her and give them/it to her and let her know if she is going to be coming then it is expected that she make and bring something that everyone can eat and enjoy.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Location
    Rural NSW
    Posts
    1,803
    Thanks
    510
    Thanked
    383
    Reviews
    21
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    i agree that it doesnt necessasarily have to be homenade food but it def needs to be an appropaite serving size. something that we go by is to bring enough food to serve yourself (as in her, hubby & kids). im not meaning ham, turkey, salad, dessert etc, but if they only ate the potato salad there should be enough to satisfy them iykwim??

    in saying that i think its really rude of her to invite herself to your inlaws family xmas every year esp since you have tried to say its not appropiate. does she have any other family? your parents, other siblings, her hubbys family? i guess it would suck to have no other family to spend time with on xmas day. could you d lunch/dinner with DH's family and the other with her either at her place or yours?

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    19,600
    Thanks
    3,256
    Thanked
    4,044
    Reviews
    8
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 posts
    Yeah, I think that's super rude she invited herself, was told its not appropriate, and pretty much brings nothing.

    Maybe if she cannot cook she purchases one of the roasts for someone else to prepare?

    Something that's proportional to the fact she has a family of 6.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Posts
    1,092
    Thanks
    139
    Thanked
    293
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    It's rude to invite yourself even after you've been told your not invited and its just a slap in the face to not bring enough to share when everyone else does.



    As for dealing with it, I really don't know what to say...

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Posts
    5,276
    Thanks
    3,697
    Thanked
    3,090
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    It sounds as if there has been a bit of a communication breakdown, where perhaps she feels that she is invited, and that has actually become the case as no one wants to tell her that she is not welcome (understandably).

    I agree that she needs to contribute to the same extent as everyone else though. Next Christmas perhaps it could be worth saying something along the lines of:

    "For next Christmas we're going to do a thing where everyone brings a dish that can serve 20 people. That way the burden doesn't all fall on one person, and it means that the costs are shared too. Is that okay with you? I know it's a pain having to cook or buy for that many people, but I think that's the fairest way to do it."

    I know that's what you have already been doing, but maybe wording it to her as if it's a 'new thing' and getting her buy-in will mean that she has to do it. And then check with her along the way about how the prep is going, and what she will be bringing.

    You never know - she may decide it's too much hassle and go elsewhere???

    And all of that (above) is if you are happy to continue with her being there. If you really don't want her to come then I'd suggest saying something like:

    "We had a lovely time at Christmas, but we've decided we're going to do a smaller one next year. It gets so hectic with that many people, so unfortunately we're not going to be able to ask you. I hope we can still catch up around that time though." And say it well in advance (like now-ish) so that she has all year to make new plans. And, as above, check in with how she is doing and what she plans to do for Christmas throughout the year, just to make sure it is very clear.

    Good luck!

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Posts
    5,279
    Thanks
    2,361
    Thanked
    2,023
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Maybe you could say to her next year; "Why don't I cook a big *insert dish* on behalf of both of us and we'll just split the food cost?"

    That way you know she not bring crap, it caters for everyone and no resentment or embarrassment...

  10. #10
    Witwicky's Avatar
    Witwicky is offline A closed mouth gathers no foot.
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Posts
    5,630
    Thanks
    4,446
    Thanked
    3,495
    Reviews
    10
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Instead of side-stepping etc I would actually just come straight out and tell her that it wasn't fair. Honestly, that's a really ****ty contribution and it's incredibly unfair on your DH's family.

    Can I just ask though - are your parents around? Do you have other family? It seems like her little family has no-one to spend Christmas with


 

Similar Threads

  1. tight budget
    By toddler06 in forum Family Finances
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 09-08-2012, 09:34
  2. That's life deal or no deal & price is right competition.
    By austmum in forum Movies / Music / Books / TV Chat
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 18-07-2012, 17:57
  3. Feeling so hurt tight now!
    By jennibear in forum General Parenting Tips, Advice & Chat
    Replies: 29
    Last Post: 30-03-2012, 16:58

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Einsteinz Music
Make music at Einsteinz Music in age-appropriate class in Sydney's Inner West, Eastern Suburbs or North Shore. For ages 6 mths - 4 yrs. All music is live! Christmas Gift certificates available for full term or casual classes. Call 0431 338 143
sales & new stuffsee all
CarmelsBeautySecrets
Growing your own natural nails is easy. Years ago, I devised a simple and very effective technique which really helps boosts the nails' growth in as little as three days! And most importantly keeps them that way.
featured supporter
HuggleBib
The HuggleBib is not "just another" baby bib. Sure, your child may be a messy eater who gets more food ON them rather than IN them, so you dread cleaning after feeding times! Well the HuggleBib is THE best solution to help with all these daily tasks!
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!