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  1. #11
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    Ill try but i dont know how without him finding out about this thread. And yeh its dangerous and could potentially destroy our marriage. How do i make him see how dangerous it is? How do i reason it with him?? My DH is only 24 btw .

  2. #12
    GluttonForPunishment's Avatar
    GluttonForPunishment is offline Bubhub Award Winner - 2011- Most Optimistic Poster and Newbie of the Year Awards
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    Thats a really hard one, and I feel for you. You have to walk a really fine line. There is some things YOU can control. Don't let it get to you for starters. You can't change your husband, but you do have control over your own feelings and emotions. Easier said than done I know. Keep in mind this one thing:

    Do NOT take it personally.

    That is the key right there. Don't think that you are doing something wrong, or that you aren't trying enough etc. If she takes a shot at you, let it brush off. This doesn't come easy. Trust me! I know! You're going to have to conciously think about it. And who knows, if your DH starts to see that she isn't getting to you despite her actions, he might ask what the change is and how is it that you're coping. And that's when you can engage him in conversation regarding getting advice on how to deal with the situation. Don't mention that it was a forum etc. Just say that you looked and researched on the web and leave it at that. You have control of your life. Don't let her ruin it!

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    ShanandBoc  (22-12-2011)

  4. #13
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    Thanks alot GFP your advice is great, thanks for taking time to speak to me and reply to me. Ill take on board what u have said and Ill keep u updated as things happen.

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    GluttonForPunishment  (22-12-2011)

  6. #14
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    Sparklydreamer is offline I might lack sleep, but I can dream...
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    GFP is spot on, as usual.

    For me, my DH seeing a psychologist was the biggest factor in improving things. My MIL is lot like you described. My advice would be ask DH to go to a counsellor with you, preferably a psychologist with experience in mental illness. Raise the MIL issues with them and they will help your DH understand how unhealthy and destructive her actions are. My DH never really felt it was okay to stand up to his mother until a psych gave him some validation and an objective opinion. He said he felt like a weight lifted to hear he wasn't a bad son.

    It can't just come from you - that can damage your relationship and cause your DH to resent you. That's why the third party professional is so valuable. It lets you just be there for your DH, supporting him with this issue rather than getting into a power battle with her.

    good luck.

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    First thing big hugs to u!
    My advice is to stay away from her as much as u can, don't deal with her issues for her when u have to see her/ talk to her treat her like a child.
    Talk to ur partner about this explain that when she does this stuff it hurts u so ur staying away from her as much as possible invade it makes it worse.
    However explain to him that u do not expect him to stay away from her at all.

    I'm am so sorry she is being a ***** but obviously her whole life she has been like this and gotten away with it


    Oh and one more thing the anti depressant and life not worth living crap if she was going to do something she would have done it without telling anyone trust me she is just after attention from her son cause no one else wants to be apart of her life

    Stay strong xo

  9. #16
    GluttonForPunishment's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sparklydreamer View Post
    GFP is spot on, as usual.

    For me, my DH seeing a psychologist was the biggest factor in improving things. My MIL is lot like you described. My advice would be ask DH to go to a counsellor with you, preferably a psychologist with experience in mental illness. Raise the MIL issues with them and they will help your DH understand how unhealthy and destructive her actions are. My DH never really felt it was okay to stand up to his mother until a psych gave him some validation and an objective opinion. He said he felt like a weight lifted to hear he wasn't a bad son.

    It can't just come from you - that can damage your relationship and cause your DH to resent you. That's why the third party professional is so valuable. It lets you just be there for your DH, supporting him with this issue rather than getting into a power battle with her.

    good luck.
    Awesome advice.


 

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