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  1. #11
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    My parents have been divorced for ages but the humiliation and constant references to your dad being stupid struck a cord with me. My mother was always running down my dad's intellect and ability to generally do anything. I was daddy's girl and it hurt me deeply. After they divorced it only worsened.

    Years later, she admitted to me she felt she had married beneath herself, particularly intellectually, and I wonder if your mother feels the same way. That he is not smart enough, competent enough, educated enough for her?

  2. #12
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    MilkingMaid is offline Winner 2009 - Mod Award - most supportive member
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    I really really hope you manage to get some resolution to this situation to your satisfaction, and whatever communication you can have with your Mum can serve to somehow ease tensions or make some kind of positive steps...

    It's awful when you feel like the 'meat in the sandwich' between your parents... I wish you, and your parents, all the best, and hopefully there can be some happy times ahead.

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    SuperGranny is offline Worlds best grandma! Winner 2012 - Most Helpful Member
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    hi, I wonder about dementia?? do you think there could be signs of that beginning with your mum? Since you seem to be able to talk with your dad, a good heart to heart with him might be worthwhile. Get to understand how he is feeling with the situation, and ask if he feels you need to help him in some way? I would maybe write a letter for your mum, put in as many positives as you can, but also say you are concerned about how she treats your dad. This situation reminds me of my in laws. MIL was always putting FIL down, insulting him, picking on him, and my daughter at the age of only 4, asked me one day, 'why does Nanna always fight with Grandad.?'. This behaviour is not something that happens in isolation, it affects everyone exposed to it, so I would bet, you are not the only one that notices it all, you might be the only one who really cares, as you say the other siblings dont worry, but you might be able to help your parents find some peace. good luck, Marie.

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    hi, I wonder about dementia?? do you think there could be signs of that beginning with your mum?
    Yes, I have also considered this possibility. (My partner actually mentioned it right off the bat). Dad wants me to assist him in arranging an assessment for her as he says that either way she's not the full quid (his words). I think my action has cracked things a bit and although very unpleasant, I'm now glad I've confronted the situation. My siblings with their collective heads in the sand can go to hell.

    Thanks to all for your advice. Your contribution has truly helped.

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    *Update*

    I just thought I would provide an update to those of you kind enough to assist me with this.

    There has been no contact at all with my mother since writing the initial post. She has sought contact in recent days but I am resisting as our family has been blissfully happy without her interference. It hurts me to say that but it's true.

    There are no judgements, no advice giving, no telling me I'm doing things wrong. There's no looking over my shoulder and no politics...and I don't miss her. At all.

    I didn't bother writing her a letter as I know she'd just twist it or use it against me somehow. My DH has notified her that we do not wish to see her and she thinks that this is due to a mental illness that "I" have *lol*

    I know I will never win and I'm not even going to try. Guilt lingers but I'm working on that. Haven't worked out how the kids are going to factor in either.. or whether I will see Dad again or whether I will allow the kids to see them on their own or if we should just move away..

    Yes it's that serious.

    They say that blood is thicker than water but I find in reality that it's water that is the stronger element. I am happy with my friends as family and that is the way it is going to stay. I have attended a few counselling sessions offered as part of my antenatal program and they've helped enormously.

    Anyway, that's the outcome. Just wanted to write that as posts tend to disappear and I wonder did anyone do anything about it and I just wanted to say that in my case I did and life is getting better now.

    So thanks.

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    twotrunks  (05-02-2012)

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    I too thought about the possibility of dementia. I Hope you maintain some contact with your dad ,it seems a shame to deny yourself and him a relationship with each other just because your mum is nasty.

    I hope it all works out.


 

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