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  1. #41
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    My thoughts exactly.
    I dunno, Im sure in your mind you are being sincere, but to me, it seems like you are actually on here invading her space and trying to appear as though you are genuine and if all "us" women on BH agree with you then your marriage can be saved then she must believe you. I guess Im very cynical and jaded, but I cant help but picture the person who repeatedly messes up, but then cries wringing his hands only to repeat the whole process again...which you have admitted you actually have done already.
    I might get slammed for this, but if you know your wife used BH as a place of support, then maybe you should do the honourable thing and find another forum for your support. Give her her safe space back.

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  3. #42
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    I haven't read everybody's replies but if she is considering giving you another chance then she's really nice. I wouldn't considerate it because you weren't honest with her from the start. I don't buy the "we got married young" part either. I got married at 20 & there were times where I questioned myself & thought "have I missed out on anything" but I NEVER once acted on those thoughts & feelings. I'm now 22 years old & have a 6 month old baby boy & I'd never throw all of it down the drain now that there's a child involved. I wouldn't be able to forgive you if I were her. I really hope for her sake and for your children's sake that you are 110% sure that you want your wife and family back & will stay true to her.
    You've done a big thing to move close to her so all you can really do now is show you're honest an trustworthy. Give her time to learn to trust you again. I hope things work out for the both of you.

  4. #43
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    And if you guys do get back together, be honest with her. Don't keep her in the dark about how you're feeling and what you're thinking. You've now seen the single life & it didn't fill that void. Im glad your seeing a counsellor as well. It'll take time to earn her trust.

  5. #44
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    I went through a very similar situation with my husband when pregnant with DS. He felt trapped, couldn't go out with his mates so he rebelled. It almost destroyed us. He got close to another girl, but did not cheat thankfully.

    What I can say is over 18 months on I still have trust issues with him and haven't been able to forget what happened to me emotionally in that time.

    What you DW has gone through is a lot worse.

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  7. #45
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    It's very easy to judge and jump on the "man"... There are posts in here of women cheating and lying etc and 80% of the replies are supportive... He is making no excuses for what he has done, how is berating him going to make this better?? in my eyes he is doing all he can do at the moment to better himself as a man, husband and father.. I commend you for being so pro-active. Just remember when things get though to keep your focus, or get a good level headed support person to bounce emotions etc off... Like I said I think your doing all the right things so far.. I would start off by sending her little love notes, taking her out on dates - don't rush her, let her know that you TRUELY would do anything to have her back. Speaking from a women who has been tremendously hurt by unimaginable actions from her husband, I can say dedication, hard work and unconditional love will get you to the end..Good luck and I truly hope it works out for you Guys

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  9. #46
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    Quote Originally Posted by LotusMum View Post
    My thoughts exactly.
    I dunno, Im sure in your mind you are being sincere, but to me, it seems like you are actually on here invading her space and trying to appear as though you are genuine and if all "us" women on BH agree with you then your marriage can be saved then she must believe you. I guess Im very cynical and jaded, but I cant help but picture the person who repeatedly messes up, but then cries wringing his hands only to repeat the whole process again...which you have admitted you actually have done already.
    I might get slammed for this, but if you know your wife used BH as a place of support, then maybe you should do the honourable thing and find another forum for your support. Give her her safe space back.

    This is exactly what I think!!! All seems a little bit controlled and underhanded to me!
    Last edited by 3InATub; 22-12-2011 at 15:39.

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  11. #47
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    No way in the world would I go back to you and she is the patron saint of forgiveness if she does.

    Anything I say will just echo things PP has said.

    No one can wave a wand and give you the answer. Be a good and loving father. The rest is totally up to her!

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  13. #48
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    I can imagine your DW must be going through a truly awful time with all that has happened. If she still uses BH as a safe place to get support, I feel sad that she may now feel that she doesn't have that privacy anymore.

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  15. #49
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    I completely understand what you are saying. Everything happening in that time of our lives was quite overwhelming but I will not blame that. I believe there is no excuse for what I did and therefore will place no blame but onto me. I made the biggest mistake of my life. I know this. I know that I can't ask for anything or put onto my DW with all of this as she does need her space and time to heal (if possible). We speak about things and I see the hurt I have caused. We hang out a lot and are getting on really well too and I feel I am being given more then I deserve with just this. I never expect her to forgive me or to take me back but I am still hopeful and won't stop showing her it's what i want. I can only hope in time it's what she wants. If not then I will support her decisions and be a good person to her and a great father to my kids.

  16. #50
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    She sounds like an incredibly strong, amazing woman.

    I know BH is an awesome forum, but your DW might benefit from some space while you are both going through this.

    Are there other forums you've looked at for advice and support?

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