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  1. #11
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    I want this and am committed 100% and 100% sure it's what I want. I know I need to be trustworthy and it will take a very long time. I have spoken with every member of her family too and come clean about my unacceptable behavior and also my intentions. I will always be the best father I can be for my boys and nothing, no matter what happens, will change that. As for single life "not panning out the way I wanted it too"., this is not the reason for me wanting to fix my marriage. My wife said she couldn't see any faults in our marriage and it was a shock to her. I can't find any either. I just lost sight of my morals and judgement and made huge regrettable mistakes. I want my marriage to work because I love my wife and will love her even after my dieing breath. I realised I made a mistake and I want to get myself back on track and do what I can to fix what I have damaged and possibly ruined
    Last edited by MisterSmith; 21-12-2011 at 23:01.

  2. #12
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    Then time is really all there is. Time for you to grow. Her to heal. There's really nothing more you can do.

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  4. #13
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    I am also not playing games. I am 100% committed to putting my family back together and making DW as happy as ever. I love her with everything I have in me

  5. #14
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    GluttonForPunishment is offline Bubhub Award Winner - 2011- Most Optimistic Poster and Newbie of the Year Awards
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    There isn't much you can do. If you're getting yourself sorted with counseling, then that's a start. Something caused you to do this - and that needs to get sorted.

    Trust - well, it takes a lifetime to earn it and a minute to blow it. What, if any, future you have with your DW is going to depend on her. There is no "winning back". She will have to see if #1 She still loves you, #2 Be able to trust you and #3 Forgive you. You could have very well blown #1. Trust and love walk hand in hand. If she doesn't love you or can come to trust you any more, then it's over. Short of being 100% completely honest and truthful with her from here on out, there is nothing you can do about that. And then, after that, she will have to forgive you. Otherwise it will fester like an angry sore and she will come to resent you for what you did.

    It's in her hands now. Be honest from now till forever. Be a good father. Thats all you can do. She obviously knows how you feel. How does she feel?

    You two will either work it out or not. You're main focus now needs to be being the best dad you can be and getting you issues sorted. Then, if nothing else, you will be a better man in yourself. Together or not, that in itself is a good thing. Good luck.

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  7. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by GluttonForPunishment View Post
    There isn't much you can do. If you're getting yourself sorted with counseling, then that's a start. Something caused you to do this - and that needs to get sorted.

    Trust - well, it takes a lifetime to earn it and a minute to blow it. What, if any, future you have with your DW is going to depend on her. There is no "winning back". She will have to see if #1 She still loves you, #2 Be able to trust you and #3 Forgive you. You could have very well blown #1. Trust and love walk hand in hand. If she doesn't love you or can come to trust you any more, then it's over. Short of being 100% completely honest and truthful with her from here on out, there is nothing you can do about that. And then, after that, she will have to forgive you. Otherwise it will fester like an angry sore and she will come to resent you for what you did.

    It's in her hands now. Be honest from now till forever. Be a good father. Thats all you can do. She obviously knows how you feel. How does she feel?

    You two will either work it out or not. You're main focus now needs to be being the best dad you can be and getting you issues sorted. Then, if nothing else, you will be a better man in yourself. Together or not, that in itself is a good thing. Good luck.
    Great advice GFP. Just wanted to say you sound genuine enough and i hope that you and your wife can work things out if she's willing to give you a second chance.

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  9. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by GluttonForPunishment View Post
    There isn't much you can do. If you're getting yourself sorted with counseling, then that's a start. Something caused you to do this - and that needs to get sorted.

    Trust - well, it takes a lifetime to earn it and a minute to blow it. What, if any, future you have with your DW is going to depend on her. There is no "winning back". She will have to see if #1 She still loves you, #2 Be able to trust you and #3 Forgive you. You could have very well blown #1. Trust and love walk hand in hand. If she doesn't love you or can come to trust you any more, then it's over. Short of being 100% completely honest and truthful with her from here on out, there is nothing you can do about that. And then, after that, she will have to forgive you. Otherwise it will fester like an angry sore and she will come to resent you for what you did.
    I agree with GFP. & I also think you should show her your initial post - I felt your genuine regret and honest look at your behaviour. Keep a copy for yourself to read if you doubt yourself again.

    It would be nice if you could begin to reconnect with her too.... maybe dinner, send her random flowers (these won't make up for mistakes made but will let her know you care & are thinking of her).

    I wish you the best of luck.

  10. #17
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    Sparklydreamer is offline I might lack sleep, but I can dream...
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    I think its good you're being so honest now and can be honest with yourself as to your actions, rather than trying to justify them or make excuses for them.

    However I must admit I'm a bit uneasy with your intensity - declaring that you now love her beyond your last breath etc. it worries me because I wonder what you will do, how you will cope if she does not take you back.

    I think its great that you are getting counselling and hope it can bring you some inner peace and stability.

    Being a good, stable, and consistent father is one of the best things you can do. Give your wife time and space to make her own decision.

    Good luck. There are many paths to happiness, please don't pin all your hopes on this one.

  11. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by FiveInTheBed View Post
    hmmmm.. is your ex wife on BH by anychance??


    If so - what a great way to try and get back into her life.
    Mmm... I thought this too and find it a little concerning because BH is probably one of the few places she can have a little space of her own (for want of a better term)!

    I know if I were in this situation and my DP posted on BH I would feel like my privacy had been invaded (yes, I realize it is a public forum, but the intentions of the post would bother me). Of course I can't speak for your DW, and some might find it a nice gesture.

    I agree with other PP's that time is all that can really help this situation. There isn't one big grand gesture that is going to make your DW forget about the incredible hurt you inflicted.

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  13. #19
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    If my husband did all that, there would be no going back. But.... I commend you on owning your mistakes. So many of the partners of women on his forum make constant excuses for their behaviour, minimise and try to shift blame. You sound genuine in your remorse (although I do agree with others if she is a regular here she might see this as invading her space)

    My only suggestion is to allow your actions to speak for themselves. Always be regular with access, be good to your kids. Show her you are attending counselling. Role model good behaviour to your son about how to treat the mother of your kids. It's easy to say your sorry that you love her. But they are just words. Show her that you are willing to take responsibility for things.

    Good luck to you. The fact she is even considering taking you back tells me she still loves you. But you need to earn it...

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  15. #20
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    bellalika is offline I'm trying my hardest, please don't ask for more.
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    I couldn't read that and not wish you luck. GFP is a good man with good advice.

    My suggestion is to be the man that you want to be and will continue to be. A brief show of idealism that is too hard to maintain would put me off personality. Being genuine would win me over more.

    You need to understand that all trust has broken. She will forever have doubt, regardless of how minute, due to your actions. It will subside over time but will always be there. Keep this in mind as you slowly try to earn her trust back. Everything you do will be mentally scrutinized and you'll need to deal with it.

    I'm not trying to put you off but trying to keep you aware of reality. You have caused her unmeasurable hurt and heartache and you need to persevere. By the sounds of it you are willing to and she is worth the fight.

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