This is my first post and I'm not entirely sure what sort of reaction I will get from people. I am posting my story because I hope I can help other people make the right choices as I have made the wrong one and am now looking for help myself to fix my mistakes or at least right them as much as I can.
This is my story.... I am now a father of two beautiful boys and an estranged husband to my wife who I want nothing more in the world to take me back. Back in April 2011 my wife was nearing the end of our pregnancy with our youngest son. I was questioning my feelings for her and our life together - we had married young and had a 20 month old son. I was in the army with a lot of young co workers who went out partying every night with no responsibilities.
When I got married to my wife and we decided to have children and take on the responsibility of having a family (which was my idea to begin with) I thought giving up partying and the single life was worth it in every single way. As April 2011 was approaching I started questioning whether I was actually over the single life. I also (extremely regrettably) flirted with a coworker to see what could happen. Nothing came of it and I am at a loss as to what exactly I was trying to do in the first place.
I found myself always lying to my wife about small things that didn't matter but because I lied and was found out it was made worse. I never spoke with my wife about my feelings or emotions and kept it to myself until one night when I let it all out. It was a complete shock to my wife and hit her hard as she was still pregnant with our son. The day after I let out my thoughts and feelings i ended our relationship without attempting to work through it all. My wife and son left on an airplane to go stay with her sister.
Not long after this I was pushing our separation with haste as to me I felt it would help. The entire time I knew I had made a mistake but felt I'd done the damage and couldnt possibly salvage anything from here so I went on with my decision. Within 2 weeks I had met a girl and slept with her (I feel ill thinking about this). I also had a one night stand with a random girl I met in town.
I was drinking myself to sleep every night and living my single life. The girl I met was aware that I was not committing to anything and I had no feelings for her but I thought what I was doing would help me get past my Decision but found that it wasn't helping. I missed the birth of my son as a result of my mistake and the first four months of his life. My wife gave birth in the backseat of the car on the highway. I should of been there to help her and support her but I had let her down because of my decision.
I wasn't very nice to her either during the time I had gone off the rails. Two months after my son was born, I started coming to my senses. I wanted my wife and family back so I made my wife aware of this. She was willing to give it a go but then I chickened out because it all seemed to hard to resolve. A month later I couldn't stand it and told my wife again I wanted it all back.
She was skeptical to this as I had let her down so much. I never told her about the girl I had met but she had found out herself and when confronted about it I lied about it and she also found out about the coworker which I also lied about. I finally came clean when I realised I was found out. I wish I had just been honest with her from the beginning and never lied or let her down as I did.
I have left the army and moved near my wife and kids and am also seeing a counsellor to help sort myself out as I know I have problems. My wife and I are trying to work things out but I fear she won't take me back and I could never blame her for that.
I need to earn her trust back and do what I can to try fix the damage I have done because I love her with all my heart, and regret everything I did and would say to any person questioning things that there is nothing better in the world then the loving person you share your life with and the wonderful family you create together. The grass is not greener and it is never worth it.
If anyone can help me I'm begging for it. I love my wife and kids and want them back more than anything in life.