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  1. #1
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    Default I couldn't of made a bigger mistake in life!

    This is my first post and I'm not entirely sure what sort of reaction I will get from people. I am posting my story because I hope I can help other people make the right choices as I have made the wrong one and am now looking for help myself to fix my mistakes or at least right them as much as I can.

    This is my story.... I am now a father of two beautiful boys and an estranged husband to my wife who I want nothing more in the world to take me back. Back in April 2011 my wife was nearing the end of our pregnancy with our youngest son. I was questioning my feelings for her and our life together - we had married young and had a 20 month old son. I was in the army with a lot of young co workers who went out partying every night with no responsibilities.

    When I got married to my wife and we decided to have children and take on the responsibility of having a family (which was my idea to begin with) I thought giving up partying and the single life was worth it in every single way. As April 2011 was approaching I started questioning whether I was actually over the single life. I also (extremely regrettably) flirted with a coworker to see what could happen. Nothing came of it and I am at a loss as to what exactly I was trying to do in the first place.

    I found myself always lying to my wife about small things that didn't matter but because I lied and was found out it was made worse. I never spoke with my wife about my feelings or emotions and kept it to myself until one night when I let it all out. It was a complete shock to my wife and hit her hard as she was still pregnant with our son. The day after I let out my thoughts and feelings i ended our relationship without attempting to work through it all. My wife and son left on an airplane to go stay with her sister.

    Not long after this I was pushing our separation with haste as to me I felt it would help. The entire time I knew I had made a mistake but felt I'd done the damage and couldnt possibly salvage anything from here so I went on with my decision. Within 2 weeks I had met a girl and slept with her (I feel ill thinking about this). I also had a one night stand with a random girl I met in town.

    I was drinking myself to sleep every night and living my single life. The girl I met was aware that I was not committing to anything and I had no feelings for her but I thought what I was doing would help me get past my Decision but found that it wasn't helping. I missed the birth of my son as a result of my mistake and the first four months of his life. My wife gave birth in the backseat of the car on the highway. I should of been there to help her and support her but I had let her down because of my decision.

    I wasn't very nice to her either during the time I had gone off the rails. Two months after my son was born, I started coming to my senses. I wanted my wife and family back so I made my wife aware of this. She was willing to give it a go but then I chickened out because it all seemed to hard to resolve. A month later I couldn't stand it and told my wife again I wanted it all back.

    She was skeptical to this as I had let her down so much. I never told her about the girl I had met but she had found out herself and when confronted about it I lied about it and she also found out about the coworker which I also lied about. I finally came clean when I realised I was found out. I wish I had just been honest with her from the beginning and never lied or let her down as I did.

    I have left the army and moved near my wife and kids and am also seeing a counsellor to help sort myself out as I know I have problems. My wife and I are trying to work things out but I fear she won't take me back and I could never blame her for that.

    I need to earn her trust back and do what I can to try fix the damage I have done because I love her with all my heart, and regret everything I did and would say to any person questioning things that there is nothing better in the world then the loving person you share your life with and the wonderful family you create together. The grass is not greener and it is never worth it.

    If anyone can help me I'm begging for it. I love my wife and kids and want them back more than anything in life.
    Last edited by MisterSmith; 21-12-2011 at 22:19.

  2. #2
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    Show her this?!

  3. #3
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    hmmmm.. is your ex wife on BH by anychance??


    If so - what a great way to try and get back into her life.


    Personally - I wouldn't take you back after the lies...

    Maybe you could be a good father and ex partner by providing for your children and being there for your ex... no more lies and cheating and see how you go... you will always have a 'relationship' with the mother of your children - it might just not be the one YOU want - right now.

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  5. #4
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    I couldn't read this and not reply. I don't really have any advice but it sounds like you are doing the right things to get back together and I hope it all works out the best for you. Just remember, always be truthful from the start and don't hide anything (which I'm sure you already know!) all the best

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    Nobody can tell you the magic trick that's going to win her back, at the end of the day that's up to her, but the following is what I find important in all relationships, especially the damaged ones:

    Be honest about everything - if you can't trust someone on the smallest of things how can you with the things that matter?
    Put your family before yourself, it's something that Mum's do all the time but something father's struggle with (not all fathers before I cop a backlash!)
    Apologize for the things you do that hurt or upset her, and sincerely. Don't disregard it as trivial to save yourself from feeling bad or guilty.
    Listen, with your eyes and your ears. Let her always finish speaking before replying.
    If you make a promise - keep it. Be predictable and dependable, especially to your kids.

    You have some big issues to work through. If your going to promise and commit to changing, make sure you mean it and believe you can yourself first.

    Start by getting the basics right, and then try to make up for your mistakes. And give her time and space if she needs it.

    Our son was born in the back of the car as well, my husband pulled in front of us just as he was crowning and I have never been so relieved to hear that car coming up the road, when he came running towards me and told me everything would be ok made me feel as safe as I was in the biggest maternity hospital in the country. The fact the you were not there must really hurt her, and it sounds like you'll never forgive yourself either.

    Good luck, work on fixing yourself and hopefully the rest will fall into place...

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  8. #6
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    I couldn't read and not reply. I have been in your wife's shoes. And it hurt. A lot. It took a lot of begging and pleading from my then ex for me to even consider taking him back. He had to earn my trust, and my heart. He had to prove to me that he had changed, and that he changed for himself more then anything. It took a long time. But he did it.

    You are taking the right steps. You have admitted you made mistakes, you are seeking help to rectify your issues. This is a massive step in the right direction. Can I guarantee your wife will take you back? No. But I can guarantee regardless of what happens between the two of you, you will feel better in yourself, you will be a better role model for your children. I really do hope it works out for you, I really do. You seem genuinely remorseful for your actions, and the fact you are man enough to step up and (publicly) admit to your wrong doing says a lot about your character.

    We are human. We make mistakes. We sometimes make the same mistakes more then once and hurt those we care about most. But as long as we learn from those mistakes, we can grow in life.

    Good luck with everything.


    Me + He = DD1 (2007), DD2 (2010) & BellyBaby due August 2012
    Angel Baby 1 (July 2008) & Angel Baby 2 (October 2011)

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  10. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by FiveInTheBed View Post
    hmmmm.. is your ex wife on BH by anychance??


    If so - what a great way to try and get back into her life.

    If you're not completely genuine and 100% committed to doing what it takes to help her heal and make her happy, you may get her back, but it won't last as she will see through it eventually.

  11. #8
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    I know she used to be on here but I'm not sure if she still is.

    I know that I need to be truthful and everything outlined in these replies. I am serious about sorting this out and will do everything it takes. In the end if DW decides she can't take me back then I will do what I can to keep her happy and be there for her and always for our boys. In the meantime though I will do what I can to rectify my mistakes and make her happy again.

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  13. #9
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    Couple of things that come to mind are:

    1 - you be the best father you possibly can be. NOT to get your wife back, as that may never happen and that is a sad truth maybe. But there's absolutely no guarantees. The only relationship you can absolutely save is the one with your children. Be there for them in whatever capacity they need as much as is allowed by your ex.

    2 - to earn trust takes a LONG time. My DF has broken my trust with regards to a few things over the last few years and while it's no where near what your relationship has had happen to it, I know for myself to trust again takes a long time (years) of the person consistently being trust worthy. Not because they want to be trusted. But because they have changed. You can 'do' anything to gain trust. You have to 'be' trust worthy.

    3 - it's good you're seeing professional help. To work through your own feelings. Because you may never get her back. And so you may need to have support and steps in place in case that never happens - because the last thing you want is hurt and resentment between yourself and your ex to stand between you and your children. And also you need to be sure. Because the grass is always greener. And so single life isn't panning out doesn't mean necessarily that your marriage will be what you imagine or want it to be. It broke down for a reason. So don't drag your wife, children & self through it unless you are 100% sure and 100% committed. Because it reads to me like you want what you can't have.

    But honestly. If my DF betrayed me as you'd described. The best he could hope for from me would be an amicable enough relationship with me to maintain a co-parenting relationship with our children.
    Last edited by Boobycino; 21-12-2011 at 22:49.

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  15. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by FiveInTheBed View Post
    hmmmm.. is your ex wife on BH by anychance??


    If so - what a great way to try and get back into her life.


    Personally - I wouldn't take you back after the lies...

    Maybe you could be a good father and ex partner by providing for your children and being there for your ex... no more lies and cheating and see how you go... you will always have a 'relationship' with the mother of your children - it might just not be the one YOU want - right now.
    ^ this

    Work on you and your issues then work towards a life with someone else. Stop playing games and show her a genuine you who is worth giving another chance

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