I don't think there should be any real rules, although society seems to think the father by default should have his name used. If I had a baby to a jerk I would put him on the BC (excluding issues of violence, stalking,abuse, so for safety reasons), but I probably wouldn't use his name. In my eyes it's a privilege not a right.... why should some jerk get that?
Respect is earnt, not demanded. My kids both have my DH's name, partly bc we were married before kids, but even if we weren't I would of used his name. Bc despite his faults he's a great father that would always stay involved no matter what.
Call me man hating, I don't care :P I just can't stand the notion that men deserve the respect of using their name purely bc they are male. I find that old fashioned notion anti woman really