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  1. #1
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    Unhappy My 2 yr old the bully

    DS is 27 months old and has been hitting, shoving and throwing things at other children for a year or more now. I know he is only two etc etc but he is worse than any other child in my large social circle. He hit and shoves with NO trigger, just walks up to other children and does it with no anger, no rage, no trigger. He does it whether I am paying attention to him at that moment or not. He does it to older kids, younger kids, boys, girls. He throws hard toys and sand. He thinks its entertaining.

    At playgroup today I ran at a little girl who was eating her lunch sitting on the floor and SHOVED her over backwards then ran away again. He did it twice in a row while I was feeding bub before I realised what was happening, her poor mum didn't know what to do!

    EVERY time I catch him I immediately remove him from the situation, get down to eye level and say calmly and firmly "we DONT hit/push/throw things! Its not nice, you need to be gentle to your friends". He usually just scowls at me, yells "EEERRRHHH"in my face, laughs, and tries to get up. Often he will try to go back and do it again.

    A little boy a bit older than him actually left the sandpit muttering to himself "that boy might hit me" when DS got in it

    We don't smack him, he doesnt watch anything on tv other than Wiggles and Pooh (no violence). He is otherwise haapy, but very stubborn and wilfull. Doesnt eat junk, we try to avoid sugar/preservatives etc.

    WDYT?

  2. #2
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    Your method is usually my preferred method but if it wasn't working- I'd try something else. Something I bit "harsher" for want of a better word. Perhaps naughty corner, slight raised voice. Show him how important it is.

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    My DS is the same age and is going through a 'pushing' other children stage and throwing toys around or at other children. I don't think my DS is as bad as you describe, but still, it is very stressful. I try the naughty corner with DS, but it still doesn't seem to work. I really think it is a stage that they will grow out of at around age 3. (Terrible two's now!!!)

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    I have also tried raised voice, timeout, going home, "No Wiggles today if you do it again" and even smacking when Iv really had enough and snap

    Singa- i also struggle to believe that he will just grow out of it! He has been doing it for more than a year so not exactly a short-lived phase. I asked my GP one day out of curiosity and he said they don't consider it an 'issue' until over 3yrs. I have even considered some sort of professional help for me (he's too young) to see if there is some magic strategy i haven't tried, but I honestly think that I have done or am doing anything they could suggest!

    So frustrating!

    On the bright side, if 3 really is the magic number we only have another 7.5 months to wait! *rolls eyes*

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    hopefully2  (09-12-2011)

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    Hopefully things will get better. I was at my mums this avo and DS threw my mums mobile phone on the floor, threw a knife across the table and spilt his water on purpose . He is such a beautiful little boy, just manic for no reason sometimes!!!

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    I'm sorry, not going to be much help except a friends little boy was the same and he eventually grew out of it into a beautiful little 5 year old His behaviour of screaming in other kids faces, hitting and pushing didn't start until and it seemed to me it was him communicating because he was frustrated at his lack of verbal skills.

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    Even though DS has great verbal skills for his age, I agree with you sweetpea, as he might push his cousin (who is 1 1/2yrs older than him) because he wants something she has, or is annoyed with her and doesn't know how to express in words, so pushes etc. His carer at daycare did say it was their way of 'playing/communicating'. DS never does any of the pushing, throwing etc out of anger, he seems quite content at the same time!! Wierd.

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    Quote Originally Posted by breakthemould View Post
    WDYT?
    You did not mention punishment. If just speaking firmly does not work, you need to apply some discipline. To be effective it has to be a real deterrent, not something he will laugh off. What this is depends on the child. "Time out" is popular, but it sounds like he might not accept it unless backed up by the threat of something else.

    We don't smack him,
    Maybe that's not working for you.

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    Firstly, as pp said, this behaviour is often due to issues with communication, hence why they 'grow out of it' once they can talk/communicate more.

    For now, I would in fact NOT try harsher discipline. My advice is based on my experience with DD and my studies and professional experience of child behaviour management (though the latter is with primary-age children). Of course it is still just an opinion.

    I would do LOTS and LOTS of positive reinforcement. It is a lot of work, but EVERY time you see your child doing the right thing, praise them. "Wow 'X' you are playing so nicely with Sally today!" and a cuddle/smile as reward.

    When you do need to reprimand him, try to make your feedback contain more 'positives' than negatives.

    So rather than "No 'X', we do NOT hit our friends, that is NOT nice. Now play nicely or NO TV"
    Say something like "No 'X', we play nicely with our friends, hitting/pushing is not nice. What is a nice thing we do with our friends?" And engage them in a positive discussion that puts them in control of their behaviour, which typically they will then go and do.

    I struggled with DDs defiant behaviour at this age. When I thought I'd tried everything else and tried a smack on her hand or bottom as punishment she just started hitting us, the dog (if he did something wrong) etc. So I stopped and, as I was learning about all this at the time, tried the positive reinforcement and it really worked! It takes a lot of constant work though because we are not used to keeping an eye out for when our kids are doing the 'right' thing.

  11. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by goldtoe View Post
    You did not mention punishment. If just speaking firmly does not work, you need to apply some discipline. To be effective it has to be a real deterrent, not something he will laugh off. What this is depends on the child. "Time out" is popular, but it sounds like he might not accept it unless backed up by the threat of something else.


    Maybe that's not working for you.
    It sounds like you're suggesting OP start smacking. How on earth is smacking a child going to STOP the kind of behaviour she is describing?? Seems to me it would only make it more acceptable.

    I hope you find some answers OP


 

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