I'm sorry you are going through this - it sounds like you already having a tough time with things.
It is realyl complicated so I can't really give you an adequate response - there are so many things to consider etc, but I will tell you my thoughts when I read this
Just my thoughts xo
- how sad it is for both of you
- you both sound hurt and confused and like you have alot on your plate
- i don't nec believe it when you DH dismisses his action - he sounds embarrased and also confused about his own desires.
- i think pretending he didn't have any feelings/attraction/curiosity to this would be really dangerous for you both
- i think he needs to talk to someone about how he feels
- i think you need to talk to someone about how you feel
- i don't think his behavour is a clear result/reaction to your pnd/low libido - i think that is a really sh1tty excuse and diversion - he needs to own it and not minimilise it.
- he has gone to considerable effort to explore this - i just don't see how he can dismiss it so quickly and easly - like i said i think if you both ignore it could coem back and bite you in a$$
- i think that good relationships are strong and can get through tough times, both ppls should be able to be honest and express their desires and if its something both ppl are comfortable with they should be able to fufil those desires.
- i am sure that there are many ppl who s2xual realtionships outside the gneric definition of female + male partners. there is no shame or embarasment in your partner wanting to have s3xual relations with a man per say. the problem is in the lies, deception and not making it an open decision/discussion that you are both party to and decide together IF it work for BOTH of you.
- i think he has alot ofwork to do on himself and to work out what he is interested in and why? and then between the two of you work out what is acceptable in your relationshp and what is not? if you both want different things then it won't work, if you can both agree to somehting that you are both comfortable with then it could work?
- i have no idea what i would do in that situation. i would be hurt by the lies and decpetion. i would feel sick at the thought of it all. but beyond that i would also feel for my partner that they were very confused and probably afraid of their own feelings and possibly losing me. At the end of the day I love my DH and I would want to work with him incouncelling so we could BOTH be happy. If that meant him working through adn deciding he was gay and leaving, or he was bi and wanted to stay with me but have s3x with men etc etc. At least I know where he is at and I can then work out when I am at and what the future holds.