1. Adults know nothing, unless the child likes the fact
2. Parents know less than other adults, and it's okay to quote a teacher when the facts suit
3. Grandparents know even less than parents, unless they intend to indulge the child, then GP's know EVERYTHING
4. The best time to get sick is when M&D are about to go out or work
5. The best time to go to the toilet is at the checkout, just as you leave the house, just as you get in the car, just as the train leaves the station or the instant M&D start to do something important that requires their full concentration.