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  1. #51
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    Sparklydreamer is offline I might lack sleep, but I can dream...
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    Quote Originally Posted by ToughLove View Post
    Sure would.

    If she's dumb enough to think that I'm going to pay for a baby that I don't want and that isn't mine, as well as pay for her and her boyfriend to live off me, she's wrong.
    If she thinks she's responsible enough to be a parent she can move out or pay for all of it herself.

    There's no lesson in "Don't get pregnant! But if you do, I'll do everything for you and support you for the entire thing, and you don't have to worry about anything"
    There's a huge difference between supporting your child by not kicking them out, and doing everything for them! And I'm pretty certain they would have their fair share of worries regardless. They're still giving birth after all - can't exactly do that for them!

    There is no way in any world I could kick out my child. They are my responsibility and they are going to sometimes do things I don't like or approve. That's life. No ones perfect. I would never leave them to the streets, no matter what they do. Not while I am living.

    That doesn't mean no consequences. But I will not abandon them. Ever. Nor will I ever abandon my grandchildren. They will know that no matter what they are loved and cherished.

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    lol..tough love..

    I am with lambjam. I would support my children through everything..and it would only be extreme circumstances that would lead me to kicking her out..
    Like drugs, violence, dangerous behaviour. And even then, I would seek help..and exhaust every avenue.

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    Quote Originally Posted by lambjam View Post
    But there's a lesson in "Go raise my grandchild alone, in poverty, in shame?"

    My take on it is there are far worse things in life than getting pregnant. Hey, some of us on BH have actually wanted a baby or two. All we're talking about is timing, and I'm not going to put my child through hell for bad timing.

    Whether my children are 16 or 60 I'll ensure they bring their children into a supportive environment, or I won't deserve the title of grandmother.
    Well said!

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    Quote Originally Posted by ToughLove View Post
    Sure would.

    If she's dumb enough to think that I'm going to pay for a baby that I don't want and that isn't mine, as well as pay for her and her boyfriend to live off me, she's wrong.
    If she thinks she's responsible enough to be a parent she can move out or pay for all of it herself.

    There's no lesson in "Don't get pregnant! But if you do, I'll do everything for you and support you for the entire thing, and you don't have to worry about anything"
    It would be YOUR flesh and blood though, would it not?

    There's a difference between supporting the young mums and doing it all for them. At least give them a chance to get on their own two feet, a little love and support goes a long, long way

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    Quote Originally Posted by ToughLove View Post
    Sure would.

    If she's dumb enough to think that I'm going to pay for a baby that I don't want and that isn't mine, as well as pay for her and her boyfriend to live off me, she's wrong.
    If she thinks she's responsible enough to be a parent she can move out or pay for all of it herself.

    There's no lesson in "Don't get pregnant! But if you do, I'll do everything for you and support you for the entire thing, and you don't have to worry about anything"
    Firstly, it's unlikely she'll need to use YOUR money to support herself and the baby. If she's living with you and not working, she'll be entitled to some sort of parenting payment and FTB payments too.

    Secondly, living with your parent when you've fallen pregnant unexpectedly at a young age doesn't mean they do everything for you. It means they're there to offer a small amount of advice and help if you require it, but you can still do most of it on your own. All you, as a parent, are offering that's different from if they were still childless, is a place for the baby to sleep (probably in her bedroom) and patience and tolerance for a baby that makes noise.

    Thirdly, shockingly enough, you can still learn a lesson if your parents are supportive. I fell pregnant at 19 and remained in my family home (with my mother) until my daughter was a bit past age 2 (she is now 6). I have only one child. I did not continue to have babies thinking it was so easy and great to be living in the family home with a baby... I have made the decision to try and have a baby only if both myself and my partner are ready and willing, and I even want for us to purchase our own home first.

    I hope, for your daughter's sake, that you change your tune in the years to come. You will likely miss out on your grandchildren if you don't.

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    It's hard one. I wouldn't want them thinking "it doesn't matter cause mum will help " but I don't want them to suffer either .
    Until I'm in the situation I don't know. I don't think getting on tv begging Australia for money is ideal either.

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  10. #57
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    lambjam is offline Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak!
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    There's a theme cropping up in this thread that I just don't relate to at all... that a teen mother should somehow be made suitably worried, stressed, accountable for what she's "done".

    Why not seek to reduce that worry and stress? Your hypothetical daughter has a child... not a gambling problem, not a drug habit, not something nasty you might want to be rid of. In the grand scheme of things, children are a positive, welcomed life experience; as long as they love and care for that child are they not accountable enough?
    Last edited by lambjam; 06-12-2011 at 20:20.

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    It isnt always so easy though, I care for a girl who from the age of 13 repeatedly tried to get pregnant, I was 20 and could barely deal with feeding myself, then I give her a place to stay regardless, then she says she wants to get pregnant?! Through sheer dumb luck that girl - try as she might - managed not to fall pregnant, but if she had... I would not have coped, not have afforded it, not have relied on her to tend to it in the slightest. I am pregnant with my first now at 27 because she scared me so much with her obsession to be pregnant I put it off for financial reasons. I warned her if she did I will not have her leeching off me to make it easier for her (she was counting on me to help her raise it), I love her so much but she is a right pain and totally selfish (but there is a slight medical thing there). I however arranged for special care and asked for them to home her nearby so we could meet up if she did fall pregnant. On a side note, she never had a stable boyfriend, and was all over the place - I charged many of the adults as a way to scare them off. her mum was kicked out when she was pregnant with their first child, but was into drugs and stealing it was too difficult. However if my son/daughter told me they were accidentally pregnant and freaking out - TOTALLY another story. It all just depends on the situation, no way in hell would I cheer for the fact, and I will be asking seriously if this is what they want - if they show me they can handle it and be responsible then they have my unwavering support to the best of my ability. Helping with finances, setting goals and plans, that inspires me with confidence and trust that they aren't hoping to leech off me without a care for my situation or feelings. So... Really tough choices that depend on the situation, I would hope I raise a child to be smart enough to deal with whatever life throws at them, no matter the age; making it easier to cope with the consequences. -fingers crossed-

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    Quote Originally Posted by lambjam View Post
    There's a theme running throughout this thread that I just don't relate to at all... that a teen mother should somehow be made suitably worried, stressed, accountable for what she's "done".

    Why not seek to reduce that worry and stress? Your hypothetical daughter has a child... not a gambling problem, not a drug habit, not something nasty you might want to be rid of. In the grand scheme of things, children are a positive, welcomed life experience; as long as they love and care for that child are they not accountable enough?
    This is why I said that not 1 pregnant woman/girl should not have to deal with a large amount of stress because they have been kicked out of the house. It can have physical and mental repercussions for the child as well at the mother. What are you gaining with that? More pressure on our already underfunded mental healthcare system?

    I would allow them to stay in my house until they are ready to move out. So I would make sure she/he would finish school and find a job so they can rent their own place. While they study or work , I can take care of the child for a day or 2, but would also insist the child go to daycare as I still have my own life to live.

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    I'm with you lambjam. While I'm not exactly going to be high fiving little miss of she gets pregnant before she's 18 (and out of home in a stable relationship) she can always count on me. Unless she's under 16 I'm not raising the baby for her, she's responsible for the baby and fact is that baby is going to give her the 'reality' of the situation, so there's no point me laying it on. I'd help out for sure, as much as my mum helps me, but there'd be no intent of making her 'learn' anything. So I'd continue to 'raise' her as planned, I mean I was supporting her anyway! Not like that would change because she needs it more!

    But crazy to think of seeing as right now my little girl is still in MY belly!!!

    And of course my babies aren't having s3x until they are married... And even a few years after that. Lol.


 

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