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  1. #701
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    I think when we do start paying more attention we become more aware of things and the 'symptoms' may actually be just normall stuff....time will tell. Two early preg tests were negative which I guess was expected on our first month of trying.

    This is going to sound like a terrible thing to say outloud/write in a forum but does anyone else think it is wierd that solid couples who have life experience, some financial stability and have genuinely put thought into the decision to bring a child into the world seem to struggle while those that are not as stable, don't have financial stability and haven't given it a second thought seem to get pregnant so easily?? Sometimes I wish we had started ttc before now but truthfully we weren't ready and I am hoping that we will have our happy ending.

    Vivre my fiance/hubby sounds like yours. It has taken him a long time to be ready for this but now that he has decided he wants one he is all about the baby. The downside is he has also decided he only wants to try for 18 months as he feels he will be too old by the time the bub is born and goes to school etc....I read everyones stories on here and think that it will be a miracle if we are successful in 18 months....it is all a bit scary
    Last edited by Debstar76; 17-08-2012 at 13:23.

  2. #702
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    Yeah I hear your frustration Debstar76. Who knows why the bubs come to some people and not others? All part of the plan I suppose. I saw a title of a book about infertility once "Every Drunken Cheerleader, Why Not Me?" Gotta laugh at that!

    Good luck to those in the wait

  3. #703
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    Haha!! Good book title! Seems like everyone thinks that Debstar (I do...)...

  4. #704
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    I guess it is the thing people think and don't say outloud...I have always believed in science but it does undermine the theory of Darwinism.......I am glad I am not alone and I really don't want to be judgemental.......I hope the miracle that is life happens for everyone very soon My best wishes to everyone. I am really hoping for a honeymoon baby for myself and hubby

  5. #705
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    Default Over 35's beginning the journey

    Quote Originally Posted by Debstar76 View Post
    I guess it is the thing people think and don't say outloud...I have always believed in science but it does undermine the theory of Darwinism.......I am glad I am not alone and I really don't want to be judgemental.......I hope the miracle that is life happens for everyone very soon My best wishes to everyone. I am really hoping for a honeymoon baby for myself and hubby
    Hi Debstar, I'm now having to do IVF and I must admit as a biological scientist the whole thing of nat selection was a struggle for me to get past when beginning IVF (and continuing to ICSI). Someone did point out to me that I am a scientist too; medical breakthroughs to cure disease I don't have a problem with, why is this process not a breakthrough to help sensible adults who should really be breeding to get there and balance out all the numpties! Food for thought!

  6. #706
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    My partner is a research biologist too and has gotten into trouble bringing up this very topic when teaching. It can be a fast track to some dangerous topics, esp if you pose something like "are all the intelligent people being bred out, are we being selected against?" (chuckle, chuckle)...we don't really believe this of course...but as you see higher educated people reproducing later in life and have less offspring than the part of the population that are less educated, you do wonder what Darwin would have made of all this....That and seeing teenagers pushing prams smoking ciggies and screaming "SHUUUT AAAAPP ya little f*ckwit" to a 2 year old (real life example ).

  7. #707
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    Quote Originally Posted by wunsi View Post
    Hi Debstar, I'm now having to do IVF and I must admit as a biological scientist the whole thing of nat selection was a struggle for me to get past when beginning IVF (and continuing to ICSI). Someone did point out to me that I am a scientist too; medical breakthroughs to cure disease I don't have a problem with, why is this process not a breakthrough to help sensible adults who should really be breeding to get there and balance out all the numpties! Food for thought!
    That's interesting Wunsi. I have been thinking that perhaps we're just not meant to be parents if we haven't conceived naturally. I'm sure not every person on Earth is meant to have children and I've had the discussion with DH that perhaps this is the way it's meant to be and we shouldn't muck around with it. He disagrees
    But I do wonder if we were just put here for other things. It might be wrong to say but when I look around my town, in general, people without kids are the ones giving widely to the community, service groups, charity work and professions. So, where I live, it seems that people with kids are more focused on opportunities for their own kids, not for all. They do give to sports clubs etc but it's because it gives an opportunity for their own kids. I think many without kids are really giving selflessly and for wider good. Am I imagining this?? Hmmmm.....

  8. #708
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    Definitely food for thought! I also believe that not everyone is meant to have children (for a variety of reasons/factors) and we have agreed that IVF is not for us - not because we are against it but because we do have a great life already and I have seen the stress IVF can cause on relationships and individuals...Sometimes it just feels like those that genuinely want to nuture the gift of a child miss out while others have kids so easily and seem to take them for granted. I am a psychologist and work with disadvantaged youth - my heart breaks every day hearing their stories of abuse, neglect and vulneralbilities they live with every day

  9. #709
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    DH & I have certainly talked about the natural selection aspect to it all. In reality though, natural selection is no longer able to act "naturally" these days. If it was still really a force, I suspect that I wouldn't be here for a start (would have been eaten by a larger predator I couldn't see coming or, when I finally did see it, I couldn't run away from). Even if it is still a force in action, then it's gotten everything horribly wrong anyway (as evidenced by intelligent people being "bred out" by drunken cheerleaders), so screw it if we're going to let ourselves be beholden to it.

    On a more serious note, I've certainly wondered about the ethical implications of having a child when you know your genes aren't 100% top-notch. I have an eye condition that may or may not be heritable, and I have struggled with the concept of whether it's fair to have a child knowing that I may pass the problem on to them. (If only genetic engineering were a possiblility, I'd certainly be happy to "modify" an embryo if it meant the certainty of a healthy child). I've never really been able to satisfactorily resolve the issue, but in the end my biological imperatives won out over my ethical qualms and we decided to TTC and hope for the best.

    Sometimes it would be much nicer to be a drunken cheerleader and not overthink things...

  10. #710
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    Hi all, have been absent for a little while, so sorry if I seem a little behind the 8 ball. Seems like there are some deep philosophical discussions going on. I think that there are so many people in the world having children without giving too much thought to it, and many of those screwing it up pretty abysmally. It's pretty clear that everyone on this thread really wants a child. Not saying that I'm not going to make mistakes, I don't think you can be a parent and not make some, but at least I've thought long and hard about it and waited until I felt (at least reasonably) ready and the right person came along. And I'm making assumptions, but we're probably all in a similar situation to that??? It took a long time for me to find a partner that was willing to make that commitment, nothing to do with me 'focussing on my career' - I hate it when people use that old tag line to blame older women for not having children earlier! Anyway, so i think we all deserve to do whatever we think it takes to help nature along.

    My news is that I am cd14 and the OPKs indicate O day is on the way. Great news, because my luteal phase seemed a bit short so i have been taking vitex and it seems to have worked! So, it's hunker down time for the next few days in the hopes of catching that egg!

    Incidentally, I have been reading about the sperm meets egg plan (SMEP). has anyone tried that? It's definitely not a relaxed approach, more like a military approach, but if I don't get a sticky one soon I might give it a go.


 

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