We just found out at our scan on Tuesday that we are expecting another boy.
I had huge gender disappointment with with DS because I was convinced he was a girl... took months to bond with the pregnancy and even when he was born I was sad. DH wanted a son, so I was happy for him. DS is an absolute daddys boy also.
We both wanted a little girl this time. DH even had a name picked out. We found out its another boy... I am happy he is healthy, but this was going to be our last baby. I feel quite distraught and am close to tears all the time, even locking myself away in the toilet in the middle of the night to bawl my eyes out. DH wanted a girl also and is disappointed which isnt helping me feel any better.
I know I will love this baby, so it's not about that. I love my DS more than anything in this world. I just know that as much as people have told me I'll see him and fall in love and forget, im not denying that, but it still doesnt make him a girl and I wont forget.
I have spent the last few years since my DS was born dreaming about my daughter we were going to have. I am tempted to try for a 3rd after this baby is born but if I end up with 3 boys they might as well put me away.
I know you can't choose and I know theres as good a chance of having a boy as a girl. (even though we swayed for a girl this time) I just cant take the extreme feeling of sadness and loss away that I have felt for the last few years, which is now 10 times worse. Most of my friends now have one of each and all my pregnant friends are having girls... its making me feel so jealous and spiteful that they can have a girl and I can't and everyone knew how much we were hoping for a girl, I just can't take the comments they will make when they find out we have another boy.
I just think there will be an empty spot in my life and our family until we have a girl, but I don't think we'll have any more. I can't say I feel guilty because I know my reasons for wanting a daughter are valid.. and I know I will love my sons just as much as any girl... I know I feel depressed and sad though and wish something could take the feelings away, I want to be excited and happy.
I'm more scared about being pregnant again and having to find out we might have a 3rd boy. We havent even had this one yet.