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  1. #1
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    Default I just cant do this anymore

    I have done everything I was supposed to with my kids. I have comforted them at every cry, I have cuddled them everytime they wanted to no matter how tired I was. I have let them sleep in our bed, I've slept on the floor of their bedroom, patted them to sleep, rocked them to sleep, fed them to sleep. I have never let them cry because for me it just felt unnatural. I honestly thought that being there for them I would help them grow into a peaceful sleeping routine. But I was wrong, I was very wrong. I have created 3 of the worst sleepers on the planet, or at least it feels that way. I don't really believe in controlled crying but what we are doing is not working. None of them have ever slept properly. We have only recently got master 4 sleeping in his own room, in his own bed. And that wasn't his choice, that was when I finally put my foot down because I had no energy left for him. Even then it is a fight to get him to bed and he is a restless sleeper. Master 2 will not sleep anywhere but our bed without screaming the house down. Even in our bed he wakes many times during the night. And little miss, well currently she is in a streak of waking every 20 minutes after last being settled, yep that's right, every 20 minutes. She will not settle without the boob, trying to settle her without it results in hyperventilating hysterical screaming. Because Master 2 will not sleep anywhere but our bed, not even a bed on the floor. I have a choice, get up to the baby every 20 minutes and let master 2 sleep in our bed or move master 2 out of our bed and put baby in it and then have master 2 screaming for hours on end. They do not sleep, they do not settle, they just wake constantly. DD also won't nap during the day unless in my arms so I don't even get a chance to rest then, not that my 4yo naps anymore anyway. I am lucky if I get 2hrs of broken sleep a night, every night. I mean I expect night waking, I expect night feeds, but I was kind of hoping with all my kids older than 6 months I should get at least 6 hours sleep a night, I would kill for 6 hours sleep a night.

    I don't want to let them cry or resort to sleep training but I don't know what else to do. I am a complete wreck from years of no sleep. My hair is falling out, I have nose bleeds, headaches, I am constantly sick or injured and it takes me weeks to recover. I am zinc deficient, iron deficient, b vitamin deficient, pretty much everything deficient and its all because I am so run down. Please surely it's not supposed to be like this

  2. #2
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    Massive, massive hugs

    I think it's time you get VERY strict with the older two's bed time and routine. No more mrs nice guy. At their ages it's more than fine to let them know that it's sleep time and NO more mucking around. I had to get extremely tough with my then 4 yo as he was still waking and as they get older it affects their schooling, their development, their learning, everything. Sleep deprivation isn't great for kids, either, so putting your foot down is not failing at all.

    As for your younger one, maybe it's time for a sleep doctor or something of the like as it sounds like you're at the point of desperation

  3. #3
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    GluttonForPunishment is offline Bubhub Award Winner - 2011- Most Optimistic Poster and Newbie of the Year Awards
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    Oh you poor thing. I'm no expert but I feel for you. You sound like your at complete wits end. I don't know your situation - is there a DH/DP and is he helping at all? If not, do you have a friend or family member who can look after them for a few days? Because reading that, I see a mum who desperately needs a break as well as one who needs to get their kids to sleep!

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  5. #4
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    I just wanted to pop in and send lots of good sleepy vibes and massive hugs!!!!! Wow - you sound like one absolutely wonderful, selfless mother and I think you have been doing SO WELL for your children by being there at their every need, despite what you are mentally going through. Wow, what a Mum!!!!!

    I wouldn't blame yourself for the way they are with sleeping, I have heard of many mothers that do what you are doing and their children end up the best sleepers by toddlerhood. So what I am saying is that every child is different and i don't want you thinking that you caused any of this!! They obviously still take so much comfort in you but it's gotten to the point that you really need to put yourself first for a while! And may I add that there are sleep experts that can come to your house that DON'T practice controlled crying. Hard to find, but worth researching into it.

    Now, I agree with PP regarding your eldest, at that age I'd probably say being firm is best now (but that doesn't mean you have to resort to letting cry out for hours or anything). Just firmness & consistency & communication should hopefully do it for them at that age, but i wouldn't expect changes for a while, as habits can take a while to break.

    With master 2 could you try getting a mattress on the floor in his room and either you or your partner camp there until he sleeps or get your partner to sleep with him in another room whilst you attend with the baby? What you have going on now having to move him when bub comes to bed isn't working so I'd really make changes there. Or can you get up to feed the baby or in another room?? Just trying to throw around ideas...

    Now I can really sympathize, as my 1 year old is a NIGHTMARE when it comes to bed time. I never get more than 2 hours of solid sleep so I really know what sleep deprivation can do as well (I am NOT a happy mum sometimes without my sleep lol). But honestly, what I go through is just a fraction of what you go through with all your children! Wow. I really take off my hat to you for doing it for so long! With your little one, dare I say I think it is fairly normal to need lots of Mummy comfort, so I really wouldnt try to force her to self settle If you can help it, as shes still only such a baby. But you know what, you'll probably feel so much better about it all once the older ones are doing things a bit more independently, then attending to the baby's needs hopefully wont feel so overwelming and demanding.

    More and I wish you all the best. Again, I can't praise you enough with what you have been through. You can try calming music, bedtime story reading, making bed a peaceful, beautiful place to go so hopefully the older ones won't associate it with anything negative (but I wouldn't be surprised if you have tried all of that).

    Good luck & I really hope you have support and things improve for you soon!!!!!!!



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    Last edited by proud-mum; 22-11-2011 at 14:23.

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    The boys have a pretty good routine to go to bed and both go to bed easily, it's about 2hrs after bedtime that the fun begins. The 2 yo wakes and won't go back to sleep unless he comes into our bed. I have tried re-settling him in his bed but 3hrs later he will still be awake. Even in our bed he wakes often through the night, often waking his sister. I have a husband but he has never helped out at night time. It is a sore point between us but he just won't get up and help out. If I say it's his turn he goes well they can just cry so I end up getting up. Besides the baby won't settle for him anyway. She will only settle for boob. I was managing ok with the sleep deprivation until she started the 20 minute waking. Thats just too much. I have no family nearby and we live in rural qld so no access to any sleep centers. I'm on my own.

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    How long has the baby been waking up every 20 minutes?? Perhaps it is just a growth spurt or phase? I know my son goes through them a lot and it is super hard! Even this week he has decided that he will wake up in the middle of the night and STAY AWAKE for hours. Now that is the worst lol. The weird things babies do. Or do you think she could be teething?


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    She's been doing this for about a week. She has never been a consistent sleeper overall we seem to have some bad weeks, some good, you never really know what you are going to get. Lol dd went through a phase of staying up for hours too, it was the pits. Although this is nearly bad because I have generally only just fallen asleep when she wakes again and I feel like a semi-trailer has hit me each time. She is most definetely teething but after 3 kids and the way they feel I am thinking the teeth are at least a few weeks from cutting.

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    Oh that is tough. Totally sounds like my DS. had a few 5 hour stunts at about 6 weeks old and that was the end of that. Period. And sometimes feeding doesnt even work either, or rocking, or anything lol I have a really tough cookie to settle over here too. Oh, I feel you on the semitrailer thing lol nothings much worse than being woken up right after you've fallen asleep, and that happens to me every night basically, as I am sure it does you! And yep my DS isn't showing any signs of his teeth yet, but i know that what it is. Oh god we are probably a few weeks away from cutting here too

    Does your DD use amber beads to help with teething pain? Seems to help my boy a little, last night was a bit better after I had put them on again. Worth a shot if you don't already have them maybe? I can't imagine how you do it without support from your DH. I would literally go insane - he's my rock at night, and sometimes that still isnt enough lol. You are one strong woman!

    I think you need to get your DH to take all the kids out for a few hours, have a bath, read a book, paint your nails - do whatever it is YOU want to do. It sounds so tough for you! Happy Mummy equals happy babies right you really deserve some "me" time!!


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    I paid 300 to get a sleep specialist to come to my house, best money I ever spent!

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    I hope things improve soon and you get some answers


 

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