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  1. #1
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    Default Feeling lost,confused and on my own HELP!!!!!

    Okay so i have only been with df for 7 months and when we first got together it had been 2 weeks since my breakup from my dd father i stopped all contact with him and my dd wasent aloud to see him due to a restraining order and him being violent towards me about a week and a half later df moved in to my house as he was living with his (separated for a year and a few months) wife's parents so i let him move in obviously very early at the time it was his time with his dd so he took her with him to mine for the day/overnight and me,df,dd,dsd had a lovely day once his separated wife found this out from her parents she stopped all contact with him and his dd he had emailed her several times to hurry up with the divorce and that he wanted to see his dd but she refused and made up a bunch of lies saying he was violent etc etc she kept bring the divorce papers back saying he done them wrong when it was really her who had done them wrong once she was done wasting his time with that she finally said they hadent been handed in as she isnt available for the next 2 weeks if there is a court date even tho she had them for a month or so at first i thought she might not want to get divorced but she has been with her partner now for a year or so she left my df for him so its just that she enjoys effing with his life knowing he wants it done so we can marry so after 7 months she had finally agreed to him seeing her at a park and she would be supervising so we both went to see her at the park being watched by her i felt like i couldnt touch her or talk to her or anything i just stood there at the park watching my df play with her and my dd played on her own my dd even calls my df daddy even tho he isnt her daddy and she was basically thrown away the minute his kid came into the picture my dd was scared of a bird and df said dont be so stupid its just a bird but when dsd said she was scared df picked her up and shooed the bird away my dd is only 5 months older then dsd dsd is 2 and dd is 3 his excuse was my dd is older i just dont know how to handle this as df is the only daddy in my dds life and shes no longer number 1 how do i deal with her being pushed away i get df hadent seen his dd for 7 months but still and dealing with us being watched by his ex was horrible i cant deal with this i cant even deal with her name being said i hate that he has to txt her or email her to see his kid i hate that he has to speak to her at all i iwsh he didnt but then he wouldn't see his dd i was upset about this whole thing today i said to him i wish his dd never existent and wished we could go back to how its been me you and my dd but that isn't gunna happen and as his other kids are in England i don't have to worry about them haven't even met them yet but i feel only being 21 this is too much for me to handle any advice would be great from step mums or even from mums that have kids with step mums please any help would be greatly appreciated also thank you for reading as i know its very long
    Last edited by Youngmummyof4; 13-11-2011 at 02:35.

  2. #2
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    Hi, Your situation sounds quite stressful.

    To me it seems you are upset on the behalf of your daughter, she had your DF to herself as 'daddy' and now he all of of a sudden as his other daughter in his life.

    But I think its important to remember that the other little girl is his daughter and she needs her 'daddy' to.
    Your DF may have been harsher to your DD because the bio mother was watching.

    In future I suggest that you don't go along to his meetings with his bio DD, Let him spend time with her by himself for a while.
    Not only to give them bonding time but also to save you the stress of feeling 'watched by the biomum.

    Stepfamily's are hard work but they can WORK !!!

    Saying to your DF that you wish his DD didn't exsist is pretty hurtful.
    Imagine if he said that about your DD ?

    Fact is he has another daughter, wishing her away isn't going to help.
    But coming up with strategies to make your situation easy to deal with can help.

    Communicate with your DP about how you feel that he is pushing your DD away because he is seeing his bio DD.

    Good luck with it all and stay strong.

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  4. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by Thunderstorm View Post
    Hi, Your situation sounds quite stressful.

    To me it seems you are upset on the behalf of your daughter, she had your DF to herself as 'daddy' and now he all of of a sudden as his other daughter in his life.

    But I think its important to remember that the other little girl is his daughter and she needs her 'daddy' to.
    Your DF may have been harsher to your DD because the bio mother was watching.

    In future I suggest that you don't go along to his meetings with his bio DD, Let him spend time with her by himself for a while.
    Not only to give them bonding time but also to save you the stress of feeling 'watched by the biomum.

    Stepfamily's are hard work but they can WORK !!!

    Saying to your DF that you wish his DD didn't exsist is pretty hurtful.
    Imagine if he said that about your DD ?

    Fact is he has another daughter, wishing her away isn't going to help.
    But coming up with strategies to make your situation easy to deal with can help.

    Communicate with your DP about how you feel that he is pushing your DD away because he is seeing his bio DD.

    Good luck with it all and stay strong.
    I do feel sad for her and i know what i said was very hurtful but i said it more being upset not like rudely and he understood that he wasent hurt or angry as he understood how i felt and i cant not go as he wants me there for the visits for support and if i say no like i tried he got upset and said i was supporting him what i really need help with is the last bit of what i wrote how to deal with him talking to her to sort out visits etc etc thank you so much for your advice its really made me look at it a bit different

  5. #4
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    Oh dear, Yes i think 21 is too young to be taking this on. I'm sorry but you sound rather immature but worse than that you df sounds like a little kid. Run sweet heart run. He has how many children to how many women? Run babe. save yourself and your dd the long term troubles and get out before he gets you pregnant too!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Azurial View Post
    Oh dear, Yes i think 21 is too young to be taking this on. I'm sorry but you sound rather immature but worse than that you df sounds like a little kid. Run sweet heart run. He has how many children to how many women? Run babe. save yourself and your dd the long term troubles and get out before he gets you pregnant too!
    ^ this
    21 is very young to take all this on

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    Quote Originally Posted by Azurial View Post
    Oh dear, Yes i think 21 is too young to be taking this on. I'm sorry but you sound rather immature but worse than that you df sounds like a little kid. Run sweet heart run. He has how many children to how many women? Run babe. save yourself and your dd the long term troubles and get out before he gets you pregnant too!
    i agree also. not what you wnat to hear im sure.

  8. #7
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    Sadely i kinda knew that was going to be said been thinking it myself too

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    Quote Originally Posted by Azurial View Post
    Oh dear, Yes i think 21 is too young to be taking this on. I'm sorry but you sound rather immature but worse than that you df sounds like a little kid. Run sweet heart run. He has how many children to how many women? Run babe. save yourself and your dd the long term troubles and get out before he gets you pregnant too!
    I am immature and i know this i still feel like a kid that had a kid im ONLY 21 why do you think my df sounds like a little kid cuz i think that sometimes hes worse then me he has two kids with his ex in england and one kid to his ex here in aus we are also ttc as he wants a baby that wont be taken from him or prusuaded to leave the children to go to another country

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  11. #9
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    Id just flat out refuse to go to when meeting his ex.
    Its not your ex not your problem. He shouldn't need someone to go with him and hold his hand, he needs to grow up and deal with it.
    You can support him when he gets home.

    As for cringing when you hear the ex's name well just remember he is with you now, not her, she is his ex for a reason.
    Unfortunatly he will have to be in contact with her because of his DD, but it doesn't mean you have to deal with seeing her.

    I disagree that you need to run just because you are 21. If you love him and he loves you then you can make it work.
    I wouldn't have children with him straight away though.
    Take one day at a time.

    I will send you a PM of a website i know.

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  13. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Youngmummyof4 View Post
    I am immature and i know this i still feel like a kid that had a kid im ONLY 21 why do you think my df sounds like a little kid cuz i think that sometimes hes worse then me he has two kids with his ex in england and one kid to his ex here in aus we are also ttc as he wants a baby that wont be taken from him or prusuaded to leave the children to go to another country
    He sounds immature for different reasons, 1 being that he had a little tanty because you didnt want to go with him to see his dd, he should have been a man about it and not dragged you into it, or your dd, she didnt have to be subjected to that.
    2 That he was living with his ex wives parents after they split.... what can he not make it on his own? Does he have to have a mummy around to look after him.
    3 He obviously likes to have sex and create babies but is not interested in looking after them which is very telling of the type of person he really is..... how sad for the 2 children in the UK ( but they sound better off really)
    4 No MAN would move in so quickly with a woman he hardly knows, esp when that woman has a child.
    5 That he wants to have a baby with you!!!! WTF? you have only been together for 7 months. A real man would know that is just asking for trouble and that he is manipulating you and would not do it.

    Honey, I know its not what you want to hear but I do only have your best interests at heart. I'm sure you are probably sh!t scared of being a single mum again but please please please do not get pregnant to this man. He only wants to have a child with you so he can exercise some form of control over you. He already has 3 children and if he was really concerned about them he would be putting his energy into seeing them not making one with 'the next sucker to come along'

    You have seen how easily he can turn on your dd, its showing you his true personality, not the charade he shows you to keep you under his 'spell' (for want of a better word)

    I'm sorry to say all this but men can be rats and ones with multiple children to multiple women usually are.

    Many many hugs and I hope you make the best decision for you and your dd.

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