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  1. #1
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    Default Cant decide what to do

    I have a 4 year old boy and a 1 year old girl. I started back at work 3 days a week last week. I really thought it would be a good thing to go back to work part time for me and for the finances and a good compromise for the kids. BUT I hate it and just want to be with my little girl. Of course I miss my boy to but we have enrolled him in day care 3 days next year regardless just to get him ready for school year after. he loves pre school and looks forward to playing wit his friends. My 1 year old though is still just a bub and i spent the 3 days in tears misiing her. Everyone says how lucky I am to get 3 days and its a good balance and how important it is to go back to work. Its almost like i feel judged that im not very worthwhile if I dont work and more valued and important if I do. My husband is supportive and says if I really dont want to go back he is happy to keep struggling with finances and its up to me and he doesnt mind if I never went back. My biggest concern is if I dont take this job and leave it until DD is at school I will have been out for about 7-8 years (with son to) and ill be unemployable and will really really strugg;le to find work back in an office (ill be over 40 to). Do I take the risk and leave and be a mum full time or just take this job so I can keep in job market and keep skills up ? Some reports I read say a few days a week at day care are really good for kids and others say not. Im also stupidly worried about being judged and disreagarded generally because i dont work. Just cant decide what to do. ???? What are others experience?

  2. #2
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    So I want to point out some objective things, to help you take out the emotional element:
    1/ The time a child spends at daycare is not a plus or minus unless you compare it to the time the child would spend at home, daycare being good or bad for your child is not the issue, childcare is fine, there are no pluses and no minus for parents (and more importantly the children) sending or not sending kids.
    2/Are you as a family willing to make the financial sacrifice and realistically what does that look like for the next 2, 5 and 10 years?
    3/Would you be willing to spend the last few months/years of being a SAHM studying for a change of career (childcare and aged care workers are desperately needed and training is funded to get people into these areas)?
    4/What are your uneasy feelings based on, how you feel or how you feel others feel about you? Work out exactly what you feel and why, are these feelings based on fear, grief, guilt or on what is best for your family?
    Whatever your decision, as long as your children are as happy and healthy as can be, no one should judge you (and ignore those who do!!!), and as long as your family is the best that it can be, who cares what others think! Good Luck!!!!

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    Hannahly  (19-11-2011)

  4. #3
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    im of the opinion that you can never get your childs early years back so kids first on priority list
    thats not to say im against working, im just saying if you cant cope being without your children, & can financially manage, then dont do it.
    in another year you might feel differently & enjoy a few days at work.

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    Mahjong  (24-11-2011)

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    Default Do what feels right

    Hi
    I am new here but your post really hit a chord with me.
    You see I work from home around my kids so I sort of have my cake and get to eat it too. I can earn a great income whilst not missing out on the really important things with my kiddies.

    I really feel for you. I tried the return to work thing too but really missed my little ones. Not to mention the cost of childcare!

    But seriously hun don't let anyone make you feel bad about something that should be your choice and your choice alone.

    If it doesn't feel right, then it isn't.

    If you want to spend time with your kids, you should not feel guilty...you could always do something like I do and work from home in your own home biz. You can work your own hours and be your own boss

    But most importantly don't take on board every little criticism you hear..Do what is right in your own heart

  7. #5
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    Do what your heart is telling you. As someone said you don't get those early years back. It's such a personal decision, some women need that social 'work' contact and purpose, some don't.

    I have been a SAHM for 4 years and love it. I don't plan to work until they are both at school. I just had to resign from a well paid government position (I've been on maternity/unpaid leave for 4 years and had to either go back full or part time or quit) knowing I will now be out of the work force for a long time and will find it impossible to find a job that pays as well as my last. I don't care, I've always wanted to be a full time mum and I'm extremely proud of it. I have only had very positive feedback about me being at home full time to. My DD went to child care 1 day a week from 2-4yrs and she is now in Kindy and loving it. My DS will be 2 soon and is starting 1 day a week next year. I don't think at all it is essential but I personally believe it helps them socially, so they can have the best of both worlds.
    We are not rolling in money at all but I figure money isn't everything..... but my kids are.

  8. #6
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    Thanks everyone for all your help. I did eventually make a decision and decide to take another 6 - 12 months and review how I feel then. I know I do want to go back to work a few days but just not ready to have DD in care so many days just yet. Ill look at the situation again when shes over 2.5 and I think she will be getting to a really good age to get more into daycare. She will be going one day a week until then as do accounts for our business (my dh works full time and then after hours in our own IT business) and that takes a good day each week to keep things up to date. Dont want to leave it much longer than that as I do want to be able to get a job again but just want that extra time 6-12mths. Just so so precious. My DS is going to day care 3 days next year as he goes to school year after and he keeps asking if he can go extra days so think it will be really good for him now though expensive but its just for one year and and hvg two days to just to have extra special bonding time with DD while shes still so little will be absolutely wonderful.

  9. #7
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    If you’re really worried about how long been out of work will affect you later on you can always volunteer once a week for a few hours some where (I use to at a nursing home), so when the time dose come to go back in to work you still have experience of working with in a work environment.


 

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