A friend of mine just had a perfect waterbirth today. Waters broke at 3am, irregular easy contractions until 10am, then full blast until bubs was born in the pool (family birth centre) at 12.30pm. Her first was also born at the FBC within 8hours.
My DS was born via emergency cesarean, after 24 hours of painful back labour. I had got to 10cm, was told to push but felt no urge, he was still too high up. So I had an epidural and they pumped syntoxin. Biiiig mistake, as DS was posterior and coming face first, of course he went into distress.
All in all I thought I didnt feel so bad about things, but hearing all these perfect birth stories around me, with that glow in the face I am just petrified I wont make it. I will have another cesarean.
I am only 23 weeks, had first appointment at NBAC KEMH Perth. Felt great there, they have an 85% success rate for VBACs with my factors.
I am seeing a chiro, walking and trying to stay fit, trying to eat well (but thats not going very well, I had to force myself not to buy any biscuits, or I would've gone through half a packet a day ) Obviously going to the NBAC clinic and a public hospital rather than a private one should give me a head start. DP is supportive, but he is not one of those men that indulges in the prpcess of birth and all the gory details with it. He will massage me, hold me, talk to me, but he will not stick up for me against the hospital. He is too worried about the baby. Yes of course it is better to have a natural birth and he will support me as best he can, but only if the circumstances are perfect. Meaning baby in LOA position, me rested and not sleepless for 36hrs before pushing like last time, no labouring longer than 12hrs. He hasnt explicitly said all this, but I guess he will.
I will do my utmost to get me into the right shape and bubs in the right postition before the birth, but what if I end up with another operation? I want to birth this child, I want to push her out!!! I am not scared of the pain, just that she wont come like her brother.
I am happy for my friend, I truly am. But still I did feel a slight wave of criticism last time after my CS. If I cant make it next time, I will just not want to see her for weeks. God, that sounds awful, but I feel awful and more so for feeling jealous.
Has anyone else had these feelings? How do you deal with them??
DS has just fallen asleep on the couch, I just want to roll up next to him and forget I am pregnant for a bit