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  1. #41
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    Quote Originally Posted by Benji View Post
    You're absolutely right - it's about respect, not the housework per se.

    I am much neater than DP - I like organisation and can't stand when the place gets messy. We both work, so do you know what I do? I clean it to MY OWN standard. I don't harass him to do things that he doesn't want to - everybody has their own standards when it comes to their home and that's everybody's right. He's imposing his standards onto you when it would be easier and fairer for all involved if he wanted something done........ do it himself!! I find it incredibly rude that he's not only enforcing his standards of cleanliness onto you but the worst thing is he's expecting you to clean up after HIM!! That is weird!

    I am worried where this is going - he wants you to be a good little wife by washing his stinky socks and cleaning up after him, all while you work, and he's happy to throw his weight around so he can go out nights while you're at home cleaning up after him and looking after the kids you both created together.

    Sounds like major control issues to me and I hope he sorts them out before they get out of hand.

    I completely agree! DP and I have different clean standards (I can be a bit of a clean freak but only about certain things) and I never expect him to clean how I like it done bc that's not his standard and I figure if I want it that way I will do it myself (want something done right, do it yourself ;-) )

    But I hope he works out whatever the issue is that he's having. Maybe he was so used to his life and it just being the two of you that a bubs has really thrown him out and he's not coping with not being the center of your world (if he was before?)

    Big hugs!

  2. The Following User Says Thank You to sjay For This Useful Post:

    Benji  (21-11-2011)

  3. #42
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    Quote Originally Posted by jfblady72 View Post

    i have said all this time and again and it falls on deaf ears, i beelive he hoenstly is delusional and thinks that he a) has it tough working full time b) therefore i should do allllllllllllll the housework cos i have that extra 1.5 - 1 day off per week than him c) really has no comprehension of what i actually do do....
    You're preaching to the choir sister!!!! DP and I are in our first proper adult, living together relationship, and DD is almost 4months. Fair enough, I do not work in an official capacity, but his job is 7-3, 5 days a week. Unlike mine which is 24/7. He has started to be a bit more understanding, but he thinks it's his bloody right to sit on the couch and play his freaking xbox "because HE works all day". Like what I do all day long is nowhere near comparable to his work???!?!?? When DD needs a change or is screaming I make a point to pass her right to him - "here you go-housework needs to be done...now I'm working and you're not, you see how easy it is when she's being like this!". He does NOT get it. It's starting to become a major problem for us as well - I'm sick of having to ASK him to help with the housework if Lila has been cranky that day and I haven't been able to get any done. Anytime she's happily playing is my chance to get things done never mind curling up with a book or having a bath.

    In my mother's words "men will never understand what we women do daily with the house and children, and if and when they take on these responsibilities for themselves, they'll be too busy whinging about how hard it is to relise this is what we've been saying all along!!!"

  4. #43
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    Tell him if hes that worried about it 'GRAB A DAM BROOM'!!!! This DIRVES ME CRAZY!! Thankfully my DH doesnt complain and he always thanks me for ironing his work shirts (i HATE ironing)!!

  5. #44
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    Yes, yes, yes. Totally understand. They worked before the baby, they work now - nothing more than what they've been capable of for decades. But somehow they think that having a baby won't call for them to make any extra sacrifices! I just hate how they sit on the couch watching tv saying they are too tired after working to help with the baby, but if a mate calls and says lets go out Fri night after work, suddenly the whole working week hasn't tired him enough to get off his bum and spend quality time with someone ELSE that he cares about, until 2am in the morning if necessary!

    Well, when my hb walked out when bub was 10m old, I suddenly had a lot less work to do, without having to clean up after his lazy butt! Not a day has passed when I've wanted him back. It became more than clear he cared about everyone else more than me. Nothing kills your love faster. What I do miss though (although it had been gone for some time) is having an adult conversation, having someone make me laugh, having someone to come home to, to go to dinner/the movies with, make plans for the future with, etc. (Unfortunately friends have been scarce since leaving FT work.)

    I don't know what to suggest to you, since he's just not listening (or using rational thought) - how are you meant to get through to him? I tried getting his family to talk to him, but that ended badly. He told them I was complaining because I was depressed and didn't trust him with the baby. I was only becoming depressed bc I had a useless sack of s**t for a husband who didn't want to even hold his baby most of the time. I wanted him to step up to his responsibilities. Grrrr...

    got to go bc I'm just winding myself up!

  6. #45
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    Quote Originally Posted by MumInNeed View Post
    I tried getting his family to talk to him, but that ended badly. He told them I was complaining because I was depressed and didn't trust him with the baby.
    Oh yeah... so instead of them having a serious chat with him about helping out a bit, they all turned on me and said things like, "maybe you just have to look for the positives in life", "his father was hopeless around the house, never helped out - he's just grown up like his dad". I felt like punching them in the face! Like being a useless, uncaring, selfish git is completely genetic/fate!

  7. #46
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    definitely unfair!! you both work!! plus you have a baby & are pregnant!!

    i do 100% around here with housework & kids. my husband works outside the home - i dont. this works for us.. though i must say when im sick i really would like him to pick up the slack.. but he wont. in one way i guess its not so bad, i have less time to dwell on any bugs as i dont have time!

  8. #47
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    I do most of the housework and do some work from home, but DH pulls his weight. He'll do the dinner dishes after bath time, while I'm feeding DS, vacuuming and cleaning in the weekends - although I normally offer to do it so he can spend time with DS. He has never, ever said anything about the house not being clean. In fact he says he'd rather have a happy baby than a clean house (although both would be good)

    Your DH sounds like a bit of a lazy douche. And going out every Saturday?!?? Never mind four times in a week?!?! A strike is the least I'd do


 

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