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  1. #1
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    Default My DH nags me about not doing enough housework.. and im so over it.

    Hi

    im not sure if im in the right place here, but maybe others can help me and suggest how to deal best with this situation.

    Since having DS my DH constantly nags me about how i never clean up and how i leave the kitchen messy etc.......he picks on me on the most minor things, maybe a bit of paper ive dropped or a water bottle i left in the car etc. Honestly im so friggin over it i can tell im going to crack it massively soon. im building up lots of resentment about this. i have several times gotten quite angry with him and he toned it down for a few days. yes i am a messy person but we BOTH are, and our house is never that clean but its hardly unhealthy etc, i mean the kitchen etc is cleaned daily we have a huge house too...but TBH i dont care, i work part time 3.5- 4.5 days per week) and the free time i would rather spend with my DS than doing hosuework all day...what really irks me about all this is the ONLY designated chore my DH has is taking out the rubbish and many weeks thats ALL HE DOES as far as any house work goes....i do all the washing (thats my designated chore) which takes so much more time, the past week ive also swept and mopped the kitchen floor, vacuumed, sorted out clothes and clened the entire study, did all the grocery shopping etc etc while he did nothing.........i just do not undestand WHY and HOW he thinks he is such a domestic god,....for example he occasionally packs up DS's toys and does a quick tidy of the lounge room..this takes about 20 minutes ( i know cos i do it too!!)....im increasingly pi$$ed off that he does sweet FA yet has the hide to criticise me.............i have said all this time and again and it falls on deaf ears, i beelive he hoenstly is delusional and thinks that he a) has it tough working full time b) therefore i should do allllllllllllll the housework cos i have that extra 1.5 - 1 day off per week than him c) really has no comprehension of what i actually do do....im now 15 wks pg and he doesnt do anything extra to help either. TBH at times i have thought i would leave him as this is way more than just housework, its about respect and caring and kindness and being able to compromise like adults.....he suggested once i make a list of what i thought was a fair breakdown , so did and he came home took one look at it and wiped out everything i had written for him . we have lived together for a long time but he was never critical b4....im just so over this BORING issue and yet i cant seem to sort it out. its making me resent him more and more that at times i just dont enjoy being around him. what else can be done???????? its how critical he is of me that is the crux of the issue now..........

  2. #2
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    Need to send you big hugs!

    Definitely sounds like there is more to it then just cleaning.

    If I was in that situation I would go on strike.

  3. #3
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    He is an adult who shares a home with another adult. Half of the housework is his responsibility. It's his clothes which need washing, his dishes that need cleaning, his child's toys which need tidying, his floor which needs vaccuuming, etc., etc., Oh geez this kind of entitled attitude makes me so angry!
    To be perfectly honest I have no time for people like that.

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    That's such a tough situation - it sounds like he's really stuck in his narrow minded ways. You need to renegotiate who does what but it sounds like he's not really open to that.

    I definitely would stop washing his clothes and cooking dinner as a start

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    Draw him a detailed map of the laundry and sit back and watch

    for you

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    I agree with the strike

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    I'd be telling him you're going to have to quit your part-time job because your other two jobs are suffering from lack of time. Then in the same breath, tell him he needs to go get a better job because he's failing in his providing role and doesn't bring home enough money to keep you happy. Would he be hurt or pee'd off by being told that? Because he seems quite happy to criticise all you do while he plods along, picking and choosing his partnership duties.

    He shares a child with you. He helps with ALL the child rearing duties when he's home. He doesn't get to pull the "oh I'm the provider and you're the little domestic woman" routine if you also provide financially. The list and wiping things off you'd written would be a huge source of resentment to me. That is incredibly disrespectful! He needs to remember you are his partner, not his slave. Want a few of us to come round and whack him with a wet mop for you?

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  11. #8
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    lola77 is offline BH Advocate - Sydney: Northern Beaches
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    My first thought is that after all you've been through to get to this point, the last thing you need is additional stress.
    You say he wasn't always this way. Do you know what's triggered the attitude?
    Have you asked him what he feels a fair split would be, given your increasingly pregnant state, summer coming and a having a toddler to run round after?

    Only you know whether an all out strike would just antagonise the situation.

    While not a solution to his 'tude, but perhaps as a short term one for your stress levels, will the finances stretch to a cleaner once a fortnight?

    Wish I could help more xx


    Sent from my iPhone using Bub Hub

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    Quote Originally Posted by Majestic Hiss View Post
    I definitely would stop washing his clothes and cooking dinner as a start
    I agree with this. If he isn't prepared to negotiate the redistribution of household chores, I'd stop doing things for him. DH and I aren't the cleanest people in the world, but he wouldn't dare criticise me for not doing housework!


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    Quote Originally Posted by BubbleK View Post
    I agree with this. If he isn't prepared to negotiate the redistribution of household chores, I'd stop doing things for him. DH and I aren't the cleanest people in the world, but he wouldn't dare criticise me for not doing housework!

    Huge
    When DH complained I didn't do enough I stopped doing everything.
    After a week of no cooking, cleaning, washing after him he soon got the message.

    We both wrote out a list of what we do every day. He wrote what he had to do at work and I wrote everything I did at home. He works 12-15 hours for 5 days, I work 24/7 everyday, needless to say my list was 3 times longer then his.

    Now if he gets home and something isn't done he will either ask me when I think I will get to it or he will do it himself.



    Fighting a losing battle with auto correct Americanizing my spelling!!!!


 

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