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  1. #101
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    Quote Originally Posted by MothersMilk View Post
    I don't mind if people have a drink (as in one or two) but i think drinking to get drunk at a children's party is pretty foul.
    I know at family gatherings (including for kid's birthdays) we might all have a glass of wine with our food but nobody gets drunk - i don't have issue with that. I do have issue when people start to treat a kid's party as a chance to drink it up and act like it's an adult party iykwim?
    yup this ..

    I do think it depends on where it is .. DS1's first birthday was at a park .. so it was softdrinks all round ... we had a gathering for his sixth birthday on the weekend .. and all adults had a glass of wine (or beer etc) .. because it was at my mum's house - so its standard at a bbq at that house to do so ..

    having said that - it was one glass with a meal .. for enjoyment, rather than to get ****ed .. so its a big difference.

    I think the big issue here LH is that there are people in your family who do have alcohol issues, and its poor taste to combine drunken behaviour with a kids party .. so I would just distribute the invitations with the phrase " thank you for coming to our party, softdrink, juice and food will be provided - please note that as this is a child's party, we would prefer it if no alcohol was consumed" ???

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    TLT, I don't really care what the studies say, we live in a pretty poor culture when it comes to alcohol. I want DS to learn from my DP and I - not his peers or other people who drink TO get drunk. I have wine in my cooking and perhaps 1/2 - 1 glass with dinner a couple of times per week. Alcohol, IMO, is for enjoying in moderation with food.

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  4. #103
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    I am not really okay with it.

    I was annoyed when DD's father supplied booze to his friends at her first birthday. I just think it should be about the child, and don't really see how alcohol needs to come into it.

    I have no problems drinking RESPONSIBLY around children, just don't view a child's party as the right place for that to be happening.

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  6. #104
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    Ulysses is offline In the eyes of a child you will see...the world as it should be.
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    i'll give an example of my own how it could possibly go wrong at a kids party/gathering- alcohol (even one drink) impairs a persons ability to reason & make decisions. My BIL was recently here & unbeknown to me was drinking beers while i had family here visiting & while i was looking after my newborn he & my sister were playing with my 16 month old - he lifted her into the air & didnt bother to check above him & actually hit her head very hard into a beam on our ceiling. Although these types of things can happen with or without alcohol it makes sense to try to reduce the chances of mistakes occuring with little ones. That is why i dont think alcohol & kids parties mix, because so much can go wrong without the addition of alcohol that when it is involved it just adds to the already huge pressure of caring for a bunch of kids in a party atmosphere. Its just my opinion but i can see why the OP wants to avoid it, particularly if there is a family issue with alcohol & lets face it lots of people do have problems with it. I am not against any alcohol when kids are around however in my experience it can be a bad idea at kids parties. Either way your friends & family should respect your request.
    Last edited by Ulysses; 07-11-2011 at 14:52.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Benji View Post
    TLT, I don't really care what the studies say, we live in a pretty poor culture when it comes to alcohol. I want DS to learn from my DP and I - not his peers or other people who drink TO get drunk. I have wine in my cooking and perhaps 1/2 - 1 glass with dinner a couple of times per week. Alcohol, IMO, is for enjoying in moderation with food.
    And that's fine, it is your opinion. I am not attacking anyones right to drink nightly/weekly in front of children, like everything you are the best judge of what is rght for your family.

    I am just saying that all the studies done on adolescent drinking contradict the opinions in here that it is *only* a positive message, and that is my opinion.

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    we had DD2's first birthday party yesterday (backyard party) DH and his friends had a beer or two each anf MIL shared a bottle of wine with 4 others so im guessing a glass each.

    that kind of drinking at a kids party i haveno issues with.

    if people went OTT on the booze then yes its not appropriate.

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    Quote Originally Posted by TinyLittleTootsies View Post
    And that's fine, it is your opinion. I am not attacking anyones right to drink nightly/weekly in front of children, like everything you are the best judge of what is rght for your family.

    I am just saying that all the studies done on adolescent drinking contradict the opinions in here that it is *only* a positive message, and that is my opinion.
    Every single study? I thought there was a huge hoo haa because some studies contradicted the others on this topic? There is more than one way of thinking when it comes to teaching children responsible drinking.

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    For DS's first birthday, we didn't provide any alcohol - no one asked for it or complained.

    For DS's second birthday, we did provide alcohol because it was a BBQ at home on a freezing rainy winter afternoon. Of the people who did drink, they only had 1-2 beers. The bottles of wine didn't get touched.

    I never expect to have alcohol provided at a child's birthday party, its not necessary in my opinion. Its meant to be an event to help the parents & family celebrate their child's next age milestone. There are many other events throughout the year where alcohol is fine & appropriate, but not at children's parties.

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    Quote Originally Posted by TinyLittleTootsies View Post
    I don't think it is harmful for kids to see parents drinking at all. However, why do kids need to see their parents drinking to learn moderation. The reasoning that they need to see this is flawed. No studies show that children with parents who do not drink at all are more prone to binge drinking in their teens,on the other hand, they all say that kids to alcoholic parents are highly likely to do it, and kids with parents who drink at every social event (even in moderation, but clarifying that it is needed at every event no matter what the event it) are more likely to drink at every social event themselves, and likely to binge drink as teens, even if the parents drinking is in considerable moderation.

    Look up the drinkwise campaign, this is what that is about, not just problem alcoholics, but the effect parents drinking has on a child, such as a few glasses of wine most nights or a few beers in front of them most nights, which many parents think is harmless.

    "Research has also demonstrated that less problematic, but frequent parental drinking is associated with negative adolescent outcomes. For example, data from the Australian Mater University birth cohort study show that maternal drinking (more than one glass of alcohol a day), assessed when the adolescent offspring were age 14, was a strong predictor of alcohol use disorder in children at age 21, even after controlling for a range of biological, familial and interpersonal factors (Alati et al, 2005). While genetic and environmental components may contribute to such problems, social learning is also likely to be an important determining factor."

    I still don't think that it is horrible to have a few drinks with kids around or at a kids birthday (when it is more family and a younger child), however I do think that it is incorrect to say that your moderation drinking is only having a positive effect and is therefore recommended?

    ETA I have had alcohol at my kids 1st birthdays because it was adult oriented, but I don't want people to pretend it is a benefit to children, it is something fun for adults.
    Moderation would mean that it wasnt present at every occasion.

    I mostly agree, and I would rather my kids never see anyone drink and would tacher they never drink. But as life goes on, I have found I cannot stop them seeing people, drink, and get drunk.

    So I have decided that kid need to see responsible use of alcohol because I cannot ago them swing alcohol

    In the OP's case, it's her house, her kids = her rules.

    (I am answering on an iPad so cannot see your whole post).

    My entire life is on show for my kids,so they don't see me drink (I don't drink), they see that some family members don't drink and they see some family members responsibly drink and they've seen one family memb get drunk and they see how we feel about it and they see us refuse to let him drive and they see us take him home early and they see that he misses out on the rest of the meal. They've also seen us refuse him entry (no raised voice/ or the likes) and us call a taxi an send him home

    Now I cannot work out how to be a better role model or family model as we are living by our morals as best we can. My kids also know they can make a mistake and we are there to support them (no make it better, but be there).

    In the op's case she has a very strong reason for her stance, and her family should respect her wishes. In my case I cannot see how alcohol can be avoided and believe that kids need to see alcohol being managed sensibly. I agree the studies show that kids not seeing alcohol being consumed and abused is the optimal way to live life, but I cannot manage that optimal lifestyle

    I would rather alcohol be illegal until at least 21, but again society and most hubbers do not agree. I cannot stop my kids, or anyone else's drinking underage or until 21, but I can make sure that in my house that alcohol is consumed sensibly t or the person asked to leave he same as the op can ask for it not to be consumed.

    Alcohol is (sadly) a legal product. It needs to be managed sensibly and within the law as much as humanly possible

    I have in the past been vehemtly opposed kids being around people when alcohol is being consumed, but that is an argument I cannot win. I still do NOT have alcohol in my fridge where food is stored, and have only recently agreed to having a wine rake temporarily in the house. I donot see alcohol as an item to be on display, to be normalized or given a place of honour like a prized possession. I am still a wowser at heart.

    Whale

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  13. #110
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    Quote Originally Posted by Benji View Post
    Every single study? I thought there was a huge hoo haa because some studies contradicted the others on this topic? There is more than one way of thinking when it comes to teaching children responsible drinking.
    Given that I would not have read every study in the world, of course it was a sweeping statement. I haven't read any conflicting findings that are peer reviewed and published. I can PM you the studies, but won't clog up the thread. I am happy to read ones that do conflict as I have found it interesting to read about.

    The only thing I have found contradicting it, are the levels of binge drinking being a problem in USA, England and Australia more than in european countries, where they do drink from a young age a glass of alochol with parents. However then I read that problem drinking like alcoholism in adulthood is higher in these countries, so binge drinking may not be a problem as they drink all the time, but are more likely to cross the line. These were social observations though, not studies, so I would like to read any if you find them.

    Like any study, you take what you find personally relevant. My point was as I said, it isn't all positive, so be happy to say that you like to drink for social reasons, for your own enjoyment, however to say that people are doing it *for* their children to learn just didn't sit right with me, as there is a difference, and statistically it isn't a positive message for children based on a broad range of families studied. Feel free to say that you love a glass of wine on frequent occasion, but why do people need to add that they are doing it *for* their children because we are on a parenting forum. Saying that, life would be pretty boring if you only did things that were only turning your children into perfect human beings and following every study that told you how, so it isn't as though I am saying it is wrong to enjoy wine with family. One side of my family are international wine makers .

    I just personally think it doesn't need to accompany every event, and that parents aren't being altruistic in their drinking lol. Feel free to say you like a drink, don't try and tell everyone you like a drink because you are teaching your child and you prefer they watch you drink than others who get drunk. It doesn't compute statistically.


 

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